I've just moved to NZ to work for a year. I'm 20, am on mild antidepressants and have felt much better after a few months on them. I don't know anyone here, I don't have a job yet (only looking for cafe/restaurant work) and am temporarily staying at a kind of work exchange thing, doing a couple of hours 'work' (looking after the dog, tidying up..) for food and board, while I look for a job and more permanent home. This is quite a scary thing to do but I honestly wasn't feeling that phased - I've travelled alone before to scarier countries. But I feel like I used to - depressed - I want to be at home, on my sofa, watching TV. I don't have a huge social life at home, live with my parents, all of my friends lived miles away so didn't see them a lot, so really it's nothing but home comforts and feeling safe that I'm yearning for. But here I have no one.. Not even my parents and no home that feels like mine that I'm comfortable another to really relax in. But I shouldn't want to just relax should I? I should be excited for this, it's a beautiful city. I feel empty and lost and lonely and hopeless - the only friends I'm going to make if I do make any aren't going to be my best friends that I can talk about anything with. I feel like I did when I was at my worst with depression - like everything is pointless and the only thing that makes me happy is curling up on the sofa watching TV or films. Could jetlag have done this? Lack of sleep? Even though the tablets have been working so well, and I've been feeling really good and positive since they got to work? I want to make this New Zealand thing work so badly - it's the main reason I went on the tablets, I wanted to make sure the depression was gone and wouldn't creep up on me when I was here without support from my parents/doctor etc. and it's happrned anyway. I know I wouldn't ever **** myself I couldn't put my family through it but I do feel like it would be easier sometimes. My life just seems like such an effort at these points which is ridiculous because I'm so lucky in that I can do this, I can afford to move to a new country and its not like I'm trying to get into a difficult career yet. People have much more difficult lives and get on with it, mine should be so easy so happy but it seems impossible? How can I get through this and make this work?
Hi sweetheart, (I'm 57, so I'm old enough to be your mum), I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I expect what your feeling is intense loneliness and homesickness and this has edged you back into depression. I don't suppose jetlag and tiredness has helped. Make sure you are eating properly, even if you don't feel hungry make yourself eat something. Hunger can make our moods low.
Please don't tell yourself that you shouldn't feel what you're feeling, there's nothing wrong with wanting to relax. You don't say how long you've beein in NZ, you will probably need a week or two to settle. Look out for opportunities to talk to people, even if you have to kind of 'fake' enthusiasm, it's amazing how faking it can work. Failing that cuddle the dog, watch telly, then make yourself go to the shops.
Can you ring your mum?
Hi there,
I am a similar age and firstly what you have done is an incredibly brave thing to do - to move to New Zealand on your own to try and make a new life for yourself is something I couldn't even fathom doing, you've achieved a big thing and it is going to take a while to adjust I'd imagine. Having said that, if your instinct is that you're homesick, then my instinct would be to say don't try and override what feels natural. You are very young still (not trying to sound condescending here as I'm only 22 myself) and I can fully understand why being ages away from home without home comforts and security/familiarity is daunting. There is still loads of time to figure things out and if it's not for you then it's not for you, you won't have failed.
I know it's not the same thing, but when I moved out (only about 10 miles away lol) from my family home I felt homesick. I have depression as well and found that a lack of familiarity tends to trigger my feelings of isolation and hopelessness.
It's good that the tablets have made you feel a lot better but they're not miracle drugs, they don't change your environment, they just change your perception of it.
Do what feels right. All the best.
Sorry when I said "make a new life for yourself" I should have said "experience something new".