Hi everyone ive been suffering with anxiety and depression for a few years now. Ive tryed medicaton and councilling.i cannot take tablets they make me worse and councilling is no longer useful so ive been getting by wiv the help of my partner but he has recently been sent to prison.my depression as got worse and i feel i cannot cope without him,i feel unloved,unwanted,lost and alone i jyst want someone to talk to really who maybe going threw the same if pos.
Thankyou
Hello stacey-james, so sorry to hear of your problems, you have a lot going on in your life.
I have had a few very bad bouts of depression in my time but had family support to help me through, it must be so hard for you right now.
I also understand why you don't like the medications.
All I can say to you is that there is help out there and things will get better, it just doesn't seem like it right now.
I honestly don't know anything about prison but I have a very good friend whose son did a terrible thing and is a lifer. I know that she got some help through the prison liason service (probably called something else now).There is bound to be some society that you can contact. You could always ring the prison and ask if there is a family liason officer who could offer you help and advice.
You need to go back to your doctor, maybe see if you feel comfortable taking a friend/relative with you and let him/her know how bad things are for you. There are helplines out there you could google and give a ring or e mail.They may be able to point you in the right direction for help, which you badly need. You can also call The Samaritans, they are wonderful, another friend of mine is a volunteer in our area. They do not judge and can offer a sympathetic ear and maybe some practical advice.You may also have a Citizens Advice Office in your area, they are also very helpful.
You have taken the first step by posting here. I am a mum and a granny whose been round the block a few times. What I do know about life is that we can only get help if we ask for it and help is out there, it's up to you to take the first step. Do not give up but be proactive.
Please let me know how you get on. I hope that someone will reply to your post who is more your age and can give you more direct help.
Bless you, I shall be thinking of you and hope you get some help and feel better soon.
Hi fanny jane thanks for your reply it helps alittle to know there are people out there to give me abit of advice. My partner is only probs going to be doin 4 to 6 months so its not that long. But i just miss him so much and im finding it hard without him. I have family around me to support me and im ok if i keep busy but there is only so much i can do. Im back at the doctors tuesday so i will see what they say but last time i went they said there is nothing more they can do so i feel down more coz you would think out of everyone the doctors would be the ones with more advice and stuff but i suppose i have to just keep going
Hello stacey-james, thanks for your reply, good to hear you are going to the doctors tomorrow,good luck.
To be honest we all end up having to help ourselves these days. At least your partner will be home in a few months.
My son is in the forces, is married and has a three year old and a newborn. His wife misses him terribly but it is always ok when he gets back and we make up for lost time. I hope you are writing letters to your partner, he will really appreciate getting them and help you both get through the next few months.
Nice to hear you have family to help support you, keep strong and good luck for the futur. Remember Think Positive , best wishes to you, Fanny Jane.
Thank you fanny jane it has been nice talking to u and i will try my best to think positve. Thank you for your support it means alot.
dear Stacey James, i have read all your posts. i am glad that you are feeling better gradually. it is good to write a daily diary and read it over the next day, this helps in introspection and helps you to gain strength. the other is to write email and letter to your partner and see him at the prison when possible. do not stay alone and try to involve you in activities, which will keep you busy. i would suggest you that medicines will pose side effects on you and you should try and help your condition rather than take anti-depressants. a long holiday abroad could be a better idea. eat well, sleep well and important take deep and long breathing, followed by breathing through alternate nostril, breathe through one nostril and keep the other closed, in the next step breathe in through one nostril and breathe out through the other nostril. you can feel a change. this exercise takes not more than 10 min, but it makes you feel good and better.
Thankyou dr surnita i will take everything on board what you have suggested and i will most definetly give them ago thank you for your support
Right now, I just wanted to give you a hug. I really feel your pain because my husband's brother is also in prison. Good thing I am here to comfort my husband. I guess you have your family, friends or relatives, too. Please don't let depression take everything from you. You also have your life and you must enjoy it. Go to church, go to the market, buy needed ingredients and bake some cake; adopt a pet dog and spend a morning walk with him day after day or; buy a guitar and entertain yourself. I just hope I can give you some ideas that will lessen the depression that you're feeling right now.
Thankyou im trying my best to keep myself going and the thought of us been together again one day is keeping me going. I just miss him really bad and the night times are the worst :-( but its nice to get replys aswell so i dont feel so alone, so thankyou to everyone thats commented it means so much.
Hi Stacey, just to say I'm thinking of you and am sure loads of other people are too. Hang in there girl, it's now September and the months are passing.
Keep strong and take care of yourself. Fanny Jane.
Actually, missing of our love ones can rarely cause depression or anxiety.
Hi fanny jane im doing ok but my partner isint. I recently found out he has been cutting himself and im scared hes going to do something really stupid and wont be here anymore. I rang the prison a couple of weeks ago and asked them to keep an eye on him as i was worried he mite do something and they obviously havent watched him too good have they if they didnt see him doing this to himself. I felt like i was starting to cope with it all but then something like this happens and i dont know wot to do as i dont want to loose him
Hi Stacey-James, nice to hear from you. Not so nice to hear how sad you still are.
I also see that you sent this post at half three this morning.
You poor girl. I am often up at that time but due to being in pain as I have chronic pain issues. So I do know what it is like to be sad in the wee small hours.
So sorry to hear that your partner is suffering as well. The cutting is a sign that he needs help. Do you know if he is receiving some sort of councelling/psychiatric care at the prison? If he is not then you need to contact the prison again and formally ask for it.
Does he have a close relative or friend that could help you do this?
All you can really do is show him support and keep writing letters, e mails if you are allowed to and phone calls, again when you are able to. Try very hard to be positive in your communication with him.
He will know how sad and upset you are but it is important to show him a strong face. Talk about how lovely it will be when he gets home, any plans you have for the future, anything that is positive.
Life is very hard for lots of people, the trick is to keep going no matter what is thrown at you.
Believe me things will improve, it just takes a while.
When I was your age I lived in a caravan with two babies and no outside help. I did the most awful jobs to feed them. I also had depression and frankly got very near the edge a few times.
After a long struggle I managed to pull myself out of it all, by working hard and getting on with life. There was nothing else I could do.
I now have two great sons who have really made me proud, they have families and it was all worth it.
I will keep you in my heart and think of how you are doing.
There is help out there, you must look for it. You could try the Cituizens Advice for help in learning how the prison servce liason works out.
Be proud of yourself and be strong. Bless you, Take care, Fanny Jane.
Thankyou fanny jane for your advice it helps alot and you give some good advice im so glad we got talking. He reassures me this wont be happening again. But if it does or i hear of anynore struggle then i will be contacting citizens advice no point talking to the prison because they dont really care or listen. When i talk wiv him 2moro though i am going to be more positive because i find if hes doing ok then i am so maybe its the same forhim. But once again thankyou for everything and i will keep you posted
Hi Stacey, you are very welcome.
I always think it is far easier to mull things over with a stranger than our nearest and dearest.
Just wanted to say thinking of you today and hoping your phone call will be a good one and you will feel more positive when you put the receiver down
It may take a lot of work to get your partner in a positive mood as he is the one in prision, so don't expect miracles from your new positive outlook. Stay the course ann hopefully things will work out in the end.
A very late post once again, I hope you are at least trying to get some sleep!
Good luck, take care, Fanny Jane.
Hi fanny jane im not doing good all of a sudden for no reason my anxiety has been playing up :-( i am going to the doctors 2moro see if they can help and hopefully soon i will feel abit better.
Hi Stacey, Off to the doc myself this morning, then the hospital this afternoon. In between I'm on granny duty, so I'm sending this quick hello to wish you well this morning at your gp appointment.
I know how hard it is for you but you are doing great. We are halfway through September and time is passing before you know it it will be Christmas!
Keep trying your very best to be positive, as you walk along look at the trees and stuff, I often just look at the clouds and think how lovely nature is, smile at a cat, appreciate the fact it's not raining (unless it is raining for you- oh dear).
You will get through all this you just need time to breathe and be calm.
Always thinking of you my dear, Fanny Jane.
Well good to read both of your discussion.well that is true when your loved one leave you you got some part of depression but you have mentioned that before meeting you partner you have this problem. this is not a god sign. Is their some thing happen to you very bad related to you , your family, friends that make you depressed.
Hi fannyjane im not doing too good. Doctors didnt help much they just told me to get back in touch with councilling but they havent got an appointment untill 28/9 and thats just an assesment so it will take another 4 week after that before I get any help im not eating or sleeping I feel like a zombie im finding it hard to cope with no sleep. Hope everything went well at the doctors and hospital.
Hdello Stacey, sorry it's taken me so long to reply to you. After yesterdays appointments I had to go to the dentist this morning as well.
Thanks for asking about my appointments, one lot of good news, one lot of bad news, that's how it goes sometimes.
I am so very sad for you that you are struggling so much. I'm afraid that it is a shame that everything takes so long to get sorted out. It's because there are so many of us.
Although I can't do anything to help you except listen I do urge you to try and eat properly.
Here I do my granny bit... If you don't eat properly your immune system will get low and your body will be suseptable to all sorts of winter bugs and viruses. Then where will you be? Your partner will come home to find a skinny weak person. It is up to you to keep well so that he can come back to a healthy girl.
Also not eating does interfere with our sleep patterns as we get night hunger. Sometimes you do not even realise that this is happening to you, as you get so used to ignoring the fact you are hungry.
Our bodies, especially our insides need nourishment to work properly. You can make yourself seriously ill if your nutrient intake is too low.As you know this leads to you feeling even worse about yourself and life in general.
You don't need to eat three sqaure meals a day if your'e not up to it. Just make sure what you do eat is good stuff.
Make sure you drink milk, eat cereal sometimes, have a bit of fruit, cheese, a salad,nuts or raisins,yogurts even a chocolate bar is full of milk.Soups or pasta are great, cheap and easy and good for you. Marmite (if you are a lover, you may be a hater) is very tasty on a bit of toast or peanut butter as it gives you energy and the nuts are good for you.Good old beans on toast with a bit of grated cheese on is quick and delicious.Ready made custard pots are another idea.
Have a look round and see what you fancy as I'm sure you just don't feel like cooking at the moment.
Have a think about it and try and make the effort to eat now and again.Not just for you but for your family and your partner, even me!
I promise you I'm thinking about you all the time, I've made you my internet honourary grandaughter .
Please keep going Stacey, you are young and have a whole life ahead of you. It's only when you get old like me and you look back that you realise you could have done somethings differently, if only you'd had the courage at the time.
Bless you, take care, let me know how you are doing. Fanny Jane.