I've come to realise that I've suffered with depression for many years, but a couple of years ago it became serious. I was off work for several months, and to be honest struggled to stay alive. But after some really good counselling and some positive medication, I recovered very well. My problem now, after a few years and a few incidents, is that I'm constantly terrified of going back to how I was then. And I struggle to sleep, which was always my biggest problem when I was really ill. And really, I'm only comfortable when I feel like I'm ill again. I'm so used to not being able to function normally that when I am ok, I keep picking up reasons that I might drop again. But this time I feel really aware of everything; I know what's making me down, I know it's not important, I know it shouldn't affect me, I know it's playing tricks on me, I know it's 3 am and I should just go to bed, but I can't switch off and it's driving me mad that I know all these things but I can't control my mind. Does anyone else feel this way?
And I can't tell my wife anything. I'm terrified of letting her know it might be starting again, though she's never been anything but incredibly supportive.
To clarify the last one properly, it's cause as soon as I tell her I feel like I'm having a problem, it's out of my control, she won't let me just wait it out and hope it's ok. And that would mean it's real, and I'm back there again, and I just really really don't want that to be true.
hiya kenny 
terrified or not you really shouldnt keep your worries to yourself kenny, nip it in the bud now, see your doc at least, your wife doesnt need to know at this stage, but the longer you leave it the harder it will be to get it sorted out, deep down i think you know this, are you on any meds at the mo kenny ? 
cheers,
Ken~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~