I have been depressed for several months now and can"t seem to totally recover from it. Yes, I have made great progress in many ways. When I became depressed I was in a "rocky" relationship and made some bad financial decisions(manic). My girlfriend said something that destroyed my self esteem. I am on my own now. I have a 12yr old son and a great family. My job situation is not great but, when I was not depressed, that would not bother me. Currently, I am on some serious medications and I see a psychiatrist and a therapist. My sex drive is non-existant. To say that I am not myself is a huge understatement! I try to exercise and generally stay active. I don't know what else to do. What can I do to break free from this horrible illness? For the record, I have a long history of depression. I am 45 yrs old.
Specifically what medications are you taking?
I am taking lithium, lamotrigene and epival. I was on these meds for years and stopped taking all of them cold turkey without input from my doctor. That had to be the dumbest thing I ever did in my life. I am still paying for that mistake
Doing that was not the wisest coice to have made, however we all mess up at some time. The good side of it is that we should learn from our mistakes, move on and try our best not to make those same errors again.
Being resonsible for a 12 year old can be hard work, but you do have a great family maybe who help you a bit.
As for women, well I'm sure we've all been there. If you get the right one it can be great, but when you get the wrong one they can almost destroy you. I know this only too well as I've been married three times, but the last one has been fantastic.
As for your depression, well the medications that you are on should have helped to stabilise you, had you been taking them right the way through. The problem is that when you come off these types of meds it can play havock with your system, and can take ages to get back on track.
Having said that, you really should involve your doctor more, as he or she can help quite a bit.
As for lack of sex drive, well after what you have been through is it any wonder?
Once everything quietens down and you start feeling more in control of all the emotional issues that you have had to deal with, you should return to normal as I did.
I am 70 years of age now, and I could have written your book for you as from what I have read it appears an almost carbon copy of my own story.
The best advice I can give you John is to take each day as you find it, one foot at a time and do not expect too much of yourself.
The time will come when all the black clouds will disappear and you will look back at this time and be proud of the fact you got through it.
Please keep in touch John and let me know how your life is progressing.
All I can say right now is,"wow". This is some of the best advice on depression that I have ever received. What makes it so real and relevant is that you suffered through depression just like I have. Many people have offered me advice and truly want to help but, in reality they just don't understand what I am going through. It's not their fault.
Thank you so much for your advice and encouragement, I certainly needed it. Your words give me "hope" and thats one of the greatest gifts that a depressed person can receive. I will update you on my progress.
Thanks again. I hope that you and your wife have many more happy years together.
Take Care,
John
Take Care,
John
Hi John, what a beautiful, heartfelt reply from Archimedes.....his or her advice was perfect, keep on going every day, you truly will one day leave this black cloud...I wish you hope, joy. And Happiness....regards...DEIRDRE xxx
Hi Deidre. Thanks for your reply. Archimedes' reply certainly was inspiring. I can hardly wait for the day that this black cloud diappears. Thanks for your kind words.
Take care
John
Hi John,
I just am trying to understand my husband who i am trying to help. I am really trying everything.
He has lost the will to do simple things. Feels alone and that he can't talk to anyone. . has lost his sex drive all of a sudden which i then feel is "it must be me". Sometimes he wants to be with us and sometimes gets the feeling he wants to be alone.
He says things that hurt like hell, "we are just living together but not reallty together" after 32 years it hurts.
One night he will admit he needs help and then a few days later he will say there is nothing wrong with him.
I am on citalopram 30mg and only want to help
I just am trying to understand my husband who i am trying to help. I am really trying everything.
He has lost the will to do simple things. Feels alone and that he can't talk to anyone. . has lost his sex drive all of a sudden which i then feel is "it must be me". Sometimes he wants to be with us and sometimes gets the feeling he wants to be alone.
He says things that hurt like hell, "we are just living together but not reallty together" after 32 years it hurts.
Then the next few weeks he is just normal again
One night he will admit he needs help and then a few days later he will say there is nothing wrong with him and won't see a doctor
I am on citalopram 30mg and only want to help him.
Do i just leave it and not ask how he is and wait until he asks for help
Give him a big hug and make a fuss of him and dont just do this once, build it up over days so he feels comfortable and secure.
Be very kind and tolerant - do not press him or bully him into feeling uncomfortable in any way, and certainly do not expect him to explain his feelings to you. After all there are 32 years of history behind this and it is important.
When he is relaxed in your company why not sit down with him tell him that you love him and you want him to be happy. Gently suggest to him that you both should go to see his doctor with a view to getting a referral to a clinical psychologist.
Please let me know how you go on.
I am a 71 year old HIM.
Hello John. I am in my 70s and have had depression for nigh on 30 years. Everyone on this forum is so supportive and helpful. We all understand how each other feels. I find depression comes in waves. We can feel all right for a while and then it creeps back again. The knack is the cope with the "downs" and welcome the time when you can cope better and do whatever you can during that time to live life as best you can.
I find I have ups and downs, good and bad days. I have learned to live with the roller coaster that is depression. I have been alone for those 30 years, although I have a supportive daughter. It has been a difficult path through life, and I have seen quite a few psychiatrists and counsellors and been in a psychiatric hospital, and lost a great deal, but I somehow find the strength to battle on.
Like you say we lose a lot of ourself. I often hated myself so much, but at the moment am feeling a lot better, and so much so, that after all those years, with my doctor's advice withdrew from anti depressants which had kept me going all those years.
You ask what you can do to break free from this illness. Well like me you have a long history, and if it does not go away, then we have to live with depression as best we can. I go out as much as I can, and know the situations I must avoid as I have social anxiety. I find with people I know, and with their support I can manage. Hard I know, but it is up to us as individuals to manage our own life, as nobody else can do it for us.
You are getting professional help, so that is good. You are reaching out for support, and hopefully you will get through this bad phase you are going through at the moment. I've been where you are many times. One small step at a time, John.
Keep writing to us. Take care. You have a great family so let them support you.
Hello, I am a 74 year old Her. How are you doing?
This has been going on for almost a year but I was always afraid to ask if he was depressed and thought he is just down.
Then in August he thought he was in love with a woman who he talked to at our gate. She was just seeing how far he would go (she has said this). He announced he was leaving after 32 years, then decided he would stay.
Of course things were tense for a while but i thought they were almost fixed.
Then came the loss of sex drive around Christmas
Then he announced he was numb and didn't have any feelings for anyone, myself , children , family etc.
He can't be bothered doing anything and he was always great at gardening, decorating etc.
He can't sleep. feels low and seems to blame me for everything. When he sleeps he jumps about all night. no interest in sex. Feels he has done nothing with his life due to me.
In 32 years he can only remember bad times no good times.
He won't go for any help (theres nothing wrong with him)
I have lost over 2 stone in weight and can't keep food down I am so worried. This makes him feel bad but he needs help.
Please Please send me advise, I am at my wits end and have no one to turn to
Thank you for your reply
Firstly the loss of sex drive can be fixed, so that should be the last of your worries.
As for the 'other woman' well that is a little more difficult to deal with.
The question is, has he had a full-blown relationship with her, or is it just a case of 'the grass is greener' on the other side?
You do not state your husbands age, which may be quite relevant here.
Men definitely do through something similar to the female menopause, in the psychological sense, when they question who they are, are they still attractive, can they still do the things they used to do, all that sort of thing.
This can unbalance some chaps and send them off in all directions.
Then again, is he suffering from some medical condition that he has not talked about?
If you feel he is blaming you for his inability to have improved the course of his life, then that is very unfair as he chose to marry you in the first place.
No, the more I think about it I feel that your husband has maybe reached that awkward stage in his life when he is questioning his whole existence.
The only way to deal with this I feel is by getting him somehow to a clinical psychologist.
In the meanwhile I would suggest that you yourself should visit your own doctor and run all this past him. The reasoning behind this is because your own medication may not be adequate at the moment to get you through this, and may therefore need to be reassessed. Also talking about the family issues to someone who knows you and possibly your husband may well throw-up some other suggestions.
Please keep me posted.
he is 53 and i am 51. The affair was weird were they talked over the fence for 2 weeks and she advised him to leave me. I know this as i found messages and she told me it was only to make her feel better and see how far he would go. (she is known for this).
Nothing else happeded and we talk and laugh, go out.
Well then it is likely to be going through the 'difficult' phase that I talked about before.
In any event I feel that the best course of action is for you to get him to a clinical psycholgist via his doctor, by hook or by crook, and don't forget to get yourself checked-over by your own doctor, as this is clearly having quite a profound affect on you.
any advise on this 'difficult' phase , I know nothing happened with this woman and she wasn't even interested in him.
Do i deal with it like depression as he won't go to a doctor
I'm fine Anne.
I spent all the years in that black hole that I ever wanted to, so I resolved to pull myself out of it.
Today, certainly from a psychological point of view I am very strong, but maybe not quite as good when it comes down to my physical condition.
But you know what they say 'Physician heal thyself', and that is precisely what I do.
Being a retired professional and having been into that 'pit of despair' has helped me a great deal, to the point today when I spend a lot of my time now helping others to try and regain their sense of purpose and self respect, which is something that I enjoy doing.
Was it Nostradamus who repeated something from the Bible that said, 'save one person and you will save the world'.
I believe that, but don't often succeed.
The difficult phase? Well firstly keep him away from other women, then keep him occupied. Give him DIY jobs, go out together more for pleasure, meals, shows, relatives/in laws.
Encourage him to take up a home hobby, or if it is an outside one, something that you can participate in.
Although it might seem boring to you take an interest in things that he does.
I realise that it all appears to be about him, and there is a you as well, but you appear to be the strongest one at the moment.
And finally, YES you should deal with it like depression because that is exactly what it is.
Hope that helps