Desperate need of help.

Mental health
1

Hello everybody.

I am in desperate need of help even though I’m convinced that there is nothing anybody can do for me. I have posted here before, a few months ago i guess and it felt good to get things off my chest but I'm feeling so low at the moment. I'm completely terrified of the future.

I suffer from lots of things; general stress, social anxiety and maybe depression I don’t really know because I haven’t ever been diagnosed by a doctor. I know I should go to the doctor, and I am, but a diagnosis and treatment are not forthcoming. All I got were some beta blockers and they were completely useless.

I’m 30 years old now and I have done absolutely nothing with my life, so little that I’m starting to feel ashamed and that I am a burden on my family. I contribute absolutely nothing to society or even my family. If I didn’t have such a good family I would be living on a street corner now, something that I still worry might be inevitable. I feel like everybody is waiting for me to change somehow and I don’t know how to. I can’t even get the simplest of job. I just get myself into a state of panic, completely irrational panic. Getting a job isn’t exactly the easiest of things to do right now let alone doing it with crippling anxiety. All through my twenties I had many part time jobs and a few full time jobs but I was never able to keep them, it was just too stressful but now I can’t even seem to get the job let alone keep it. Instead, I just lock myself away in my room day after day, distracting myself with television. I sleep late because I can’t sleep at night, I can’t stand the silence. My life is like a speeding train and I’m standing on the platform watching it go by, desperate to jump on by I don’t know how.

I’ve never had a lot of friends but the few that I did have, have all disappeared. Maybe they just got on with their lives but I think it’s more likely that they don’t want to be associated with me, the weird 30 year old who never has any money and still lives at home with his parents. I can’t blame them. Not that I would even want to associate with anybody at the moment because I couldn’t face meeting new people, I feel so much shame. Don’t get me wrong I know I shouldn’t be ashamed because it’s pretty obvious that I have some sort of mental illness but when there is no solution on the horizon then it is hard not to let my mood drop and feel sorry for myself.

I actually almost forgot that every night I need to listen to my alcoholic mother pouring more and more alcohol down her neck. I don’t really know how this is affecting me I know it makes me angry but im not sure it is playing a part in my current situation. Even though my mum has been an alcoholic for over ten years I have become so used to it that I don’t really think about it but I’m kind of worried about the subconscious effects if there are such things.

Anyway it feels good to type these things out but the worst feeling in the world is that I know nobody out there can solve my problems for me not even my doctor. I know there is no magic pill. I wish there was.

 

2

i'm not sure i could be a help but :

1- i think your illness is what preventing you from seeing a doctor , as if you want to stay in this situation forever - even though you beleive you want to change - 

2-staying at home will make things much much worse  . 

3-you need a job , no matter how sh*tty is this job .

so , three things if you actually wants to get better - and you can - 

see a doctor , stay at home only for sleeping , get a job .

sorry but there is no other way around it .

3

Hey there. Sounds like you need to start by trying to change the way you think about things? You only have one life! Don't let anxiety control it!! I'm sure you've done plenty with your life! I'm sure your an amazing person! The problem with you is your letting your mind control you! You need to get brave and control your mind. Do something everyday that your anxiety doesn't want you to do! Force yourself to do it! Even if it's going to the shop putting a smile on your face and saying hello to someone random! Make yourself eat healthy try getting some good excersise get that heart pumping. Feel alive again! Your only 30!! You have plenty of amazing things to come. One day you will find someone to love have a great job and maybe some kids and look back at this time and think about how brave and strong you've been to get through this! You have to take this anxiety by the balls and beat it!!! 

Take care 😊

4

Don't b so down on yourself firstly! Get a good doctor and councillor to help you. SSRIs can be good for anxiety not that I'd push drugs on people but if u need them u need them! I'm nearly 30 and like to think its still young and still plently of time for a turn around smile u can beat this x

5

Hi Allan,

I'm very sorry to hear how down you're feeling. There are a few basic steps you need to take to get yourself on the road to feeling better! Firstly, go back to the doctor. In no way should you feel ashamed or reserved about talking to a healthcare professional, it is their responsibility to empathise and do everything they can to help you. Be honest and tell them everything you're feeling, the anxiety to the depression and the family issues also. Let them know that even leaving the house is difficult and maintaining employment is impossible due to the anxiety. Tell them your prescription was completely unhelpful and that you need more support.

On doing this they should be able to refer you to local counselling and perhaps a prescription of SSRIs (I'm only speaking from my experience, I am not a healthcare professional). This form of medication is effective but only after an extended period of use. They can make you feel worse before you feel better so an additional prescription for a short-term course of benzodiazepines may be offered. Benzos are fast-acting anxiolytic drugs that provide quick relief from panic/anxiety. However due to the addictive nature of the drugs they will be short term. They are not to be relied upon due to the withdrawal suffered over long-term use.

Alongside the help medication will provide, you will be referred to counselling. Counselling, in my experience, is an amazing help. Just talking to someone for a fifty minute session once a week can work wonders for the mind. I was skeptical at first but believe me, it's infinitely beneficial. You should also be informed about Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), a form of talk therapy which focuses on altering negative thinking patterns through various techniques.

As far as self-help goes I'd recommend reading the NHS Northumberland, Tyne and Wear self-help leaflets on anxiety and depression as they can clarify that what you're suffering from is an illness, as well as show you some methods to work towards treating yourself. Link: http://www.ntw.nhs.uk/pic/selfhelp/

I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through, I really am. I know how it feels. I have the utmost empathy for your situation. But there are options and there are people that can help. However, you have to seek them out. Once you do, you've taken a massive step in helping yourself.

I'd recommend exercise, challenging your thoughts etc but I know that these tips can be overwhelming and vague, quite frankly. Your first step is a trip to the doctor.

Make them listen to you, make them take you seriously. If it doesn't look like they are, complain, kick up a fuss and demand to see someone else. 

You are important. There are people in this world that care about you. Like you say, you have a good family. I'm sure it would mean the world to them that you find the ability to be happy, and enjoy life. I have a close family member who is a raging alcoholic. I learned that it's not my concern. 

I wish you all the best of luck. You will get out of this. Nothing's impossible.

H.

6

Allan,

  I empathize with your situation. I suffer from chronic anxiety and depression and I am beginning to suspect that body dysmorphic disorder is a major contributing factor to it all. I have just received a bachelors degree in psychology and am involved in neuroscience and endocrinology research. By researching, for a living, the issues that bother you, can be what gets you closer to solving your problems. I have had to come to terms with the fact that no one can solve my problems, completely. I suspect that people like us, with these issues of anxiety and depression, have some neurological, amongst other biological mechanisms that thrive on worry. Something in us continually seeks for something to stress about. I know this sounds a little strange, although it is more of a neural circuit than some 'alien' inside. From my research, I have discovered that there are a lot of factors, such as neurotransmitters out of balance, hormones being activated at the wrong times, pychological conditioning, and environmental stressors, all play a role in anxiety and depression, amongst other disorders.

  I sympathize with many of your predicaments. I do not have the parental troubles that you have. I was an alcoholic, and probably still am, although I do not drink anymore. I did so to deal with anxiety, although it seemed to get me sick and in jail more than it helped the anxiety. Hopefully you mum will recover and I hope you will be able to stay strong through it.

  I live in America, California to be exact, and I am not exactly sure of your environmental circumstances. I live in the heart of Silicon Valley and have found that gaining knowledge of technology and biomedical research has led me to, at least, understand my problems more and ways I can treat them. I suggest researching topics that are of interest to you and could potentially be profitable.

Gain some working knowldege in that subject. That way, when you physically go out into society into that job field, you will be knowledgeable and have the confidence to succeed. Once again, this is just what I find to work here in California. Either way, like tasha wrote, exercise is great. Good nutrition, exercise, fresh air, and, if you are so inclined, meditation/divine intercession work wonders. Overall, keep in mind that life is worth living no matter what. If there is any guarantee in the universe, it's that things are constantly changing. Stick around for the changes to come about. Make some plans and learn some things along the way, so that when the big changes happen you will be ready to take action and succeed.

7

That is terrific advise! 

8

Thanks man! Hahaha.

9

Hi just read your post. Hope things are better