Hi. My story.....
2 years ago shortly after my son was born I had a breakdown of sorts. Went from being happy go lucky male in 30s to trembling wreck crying in front of a doctor. Was diagnosed with anxiety/ocd/depression.
Problem for me was then hearing stories about bad things happening on news etc and my thought process wouldn't let go. In the space of seconds my mind would convert these stories to my son and even worse that I was the perpetrator if u like. Basically I had intrusive thoughts and would run with them.
This left me feeling sick day in day out. I was put on 100mg of sertraline which perked me up and relaxed me slightly. I also had some CBT and I started to recover. The key being the less bothered you are about these thoughts the quicker they disappear.
I gradually came off tablets about 1.5 years ago and had a 95% healthy time since. Had the odd lapse and just got through it - only ever lasted a few days ate a time but my mental strength felt good.
About 3 weeks ago something happened in my mind. It just clicked again and I felt immediately it wasn't just a small lapse. Since that I have been very very low. The intrusive thoughts have returned and if anything are worse. Anything I hear in life or see on TV my mind converts to bad situations involving my son. Sometimes even playing out sentences. It's important for me to stress these aren't my thoughts as such but before I have a chance to intervene this horrible sentence or idea has already played out in my mind. This then upsets me and snow balls and it's like a vicious cycle.
I'm now in a situation where it's on my mind when I go to sleep and on my mind when I wake up. It's horrible.
My questions are: what exactly am I going through? Should I return to my doctor? This will confirm the relapse and will set be back a fair bit mentally.
I have ordered some 5htp in a bid to lift my mood as I've heard good things and if I'm happier then I'm in a better place to not let the intrusive thoughts bother me.
Thanks for reading.
HK.
Yo9u are going through depression. My first serious bout of depression was trggered after my daughter was born. I strongly believe men can get a form of post natel depression. I went through a very similar time as you, intrusive thoughts, obsessing about bad things in the news, over worring about visulising terrible things that could happen the list goes on.
I am through it now and you will get through it as well. First thing to do is go bak up the doctors. It does not look like you were on the antidepressants for very long. Minimum is 6 months and the you should ween off them slowly by tapering down the dose. As this is your second bout of depression the doctor may recommend you stay on them for a year. Also remember, dont stop the tablets just because you feel better. If its the meds helping you feel better and you stop them you could very quicly relapse.
ok I have gone on a bit, sorry. Basically go back to the doctor and explain how you feel and the thoughts you have. I doupt 5 HTP will help much but there is no harm in trying.
Also do not take 5 HTP with antidepressants, this can lead to very serious complications caused by too much serotonine in your body called serotonin syndrome.
Exactly what I was gonna say Tony!
Definitely depression, will be helped with medication (and more CBT, I liked MoodGym online, very helpful) so go back to your doctor. This very easily escalates so be kind to yourself and act now.
Dont bother with 5htp too, see doc and get treated properly.
You should stay on antidepressants for six months AFTER you think you wanna come off because you feel better, to reduce risk of relapse, so you could be on them for years. But that's ok if they're working and you're not suffering bad side effects!
I am going through (and coming out of luckily) PND and can totally sympathise with what you're saying about your disturbing thoughts relating to the baby. It's distressing. But it's able to be relieved and it will get better. It's so hard to enjoy your child/ren when this illness bites and that makes me sad.
I think men can get a form of PND as their lives change too when a baby arrives. Good luck...don't ignore How you feel.
Thanks for the replies. Was trying to battle this on my own. Looks like a trip to docs it is.
Reassuring to know people have been through the same and got better.
Looking back probably should not have come off the medication.
Cheers
HKLad