Backstory: I met my current boyfriend through Instagram in August 2017. We hit it off so well and soon after, in April 2018, we became official after talking everyday, FaceTime calls, visits, and all that jazz. This man has brought more life and joy to me than I could ever imagine. He treats me like a queen and shows me so much love. He soon moved to a city 2 hours away from me and had been there for roughly 2 months over the summer. I had visited him every weekend and we had the best times of our lives. As of October, he made the official move out to the city he lives in now. Soon after, I started to not feel like myself. I didn't care for anything, or anyone. I lost interest in activities I once enjoyed (dancing), I didn't want to go out and hang with friends, I wasn't eating, nothing. It even got to the point where I was questioning my relationship with my boyfriend. I went to see a doctor quickly and was diagnosed with depression. Things didn't get easier from there. Currently, my boyfriend and I are on a break. Our entire relationship had been based off long distance. He spent the past week with me, and I opened up a lot to him. I know deep down that I love him, but it's so hard for me to feel love or show love right now because I just feel like I don't care. And I feel guilty for taking the time I have with him for granted. To start, I'm not a very affectionate person to begin with. Perhaps, because my parents never show affection to one another. My boyfriend however is. Before this downward spiral started though, I had no issues showing affection. I also have an underactive thyroid which causes my hormones to fluctuate a lot. Sometimes, I question if it is even depression. Or am I just going through the motions of a first real relationship and don't know how to cope. I stress when I don't feel feelings of love, or get excited to be around him, and that's when the questions come, "am I in love still? "Do i want to be with him?". But then I remind myself, that there's no one else I would rather spend my life with. That there's no one else I would rather talk to about everything going on in my life. I've searched up cases of ROCD and feel like it might even be that. I also get a lot of panic and anxiety attacks when these questions do come at me. With all that, can someone give me insight into what could be going on. Have you experienced anything similar? Have I fallen out of love? Is it my depression that's clouding my abilities to feel and show love?
in the end only you can answer those questions im afraid.
im sorry to hear of your depression, it sounds a very tough time for you.
my brother has an underactive thyroid and hes always moody. maybe this is part of the cause of your level of up and down moods. if you love this guy then you know it inside. depression and anxiety does wired things with a persons state of mind and you can feel all sorts of stange feelings and moods.
i find breaks with relationships dont help anxiety because you always think what is that person up to. your either together or not together( maybe im just old school).
are you taking any form of treatment for your condition?
i hope you find the answers quick and recover and start enjoying life again