Difficult night last night

Mental health
1

Difficult afternoon too.

It's immensely difficult when you sit there trying to convey or communicate a problem (a fairly reasonable one too) to your partner only for them to completely shut off, or have either one of two reactions - the 'fingers in my ears going la la la la' or the anger. That feeling of resentment when it feels as though it's your partner causing you the depression and anxiety.

Immensely difficult night resulted from that - thoughts of suicide, feeling outside oneself as though '[insert name here] is gone; the mind is no longer present; please leave a message after the tone'

And yet here I am, awake.

2

I thought you was doing ok. What a shame your feelings have come back.

3

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. I can only sympathise as I'm going through the same thing myself. If I get a satisfactory answer to my discussion, I'll let you know! In the meantime, hang in there - you are not to blame for your partner's anger and insensitivity and it sounds as though you are trying to communicate, which is a good start.

4

Sue, I responded to your message. It's not too dissimilar from what you're going through but a lot of what you described seemed to be problems on your part rather than his.

My response was: "Relate would say what they said to me and my partner - something is lost in translation. When asked what they meant, they told me about something called the 5 Languages of Love:

I don't think anything your husband is doing is out of the ordinary. I wouldn't say there was anything he was doing that was 'abnormal' or required any kind of psychiatric help; nor should he be told that he has a problem. Personally I think how you're behaving is neurotic, exhibits signs of dependence rather than independence; you're ruminating over things that don't necessarily exist - maybe you spend too much time in each other's company and in doing so, pay too much attention to what the other is doing.

Personally, I think you should attempt to do what you want with your life and pay more attention to hobbies, interests and so on, and learn to not be so conscious of whatever it is your husband is up to. It seems to me as though he's being put under a lot of pressure at home. Some people work better at a distance."

But if you wish to discuss that in future, I'll leave it to your thread rather than mine.

When it comes to the feelings I had last night with my partner, it was all dependant on very real environment problems that have existed and continue to exist on an almost daily basis. We're in the process of applying relationship counselling to ourselves but because of financial concerns, we're deciding to go it alone and in the process become more self-reliant.

If we see positive results come out of self-reliance, we feel less inclined to reach for the nearest crutch the next time a problem inevitably occurs.

I've explained a lot of the difficulties that I have with my partner on a different thread so to find some context in what I'm saying now, you might gain better insight reading that.

Essentially, I suffer from depression and anxiety; my partner does very little accomodate it or my needs. In terms of compatibility, once upon a time (during what a counsellor would called 'the honeymoon period' in any relationship), it felt like I was with the right person. Nowadays, it doesn't. When I explain why, my partner has either one of two reactions - to be uncommunicative or to react with anger. My advice to her was to seek help in being able to find that balanced medium where conversation becomes a realistic possibility. She is doing that. Yesterday was a reminder that she's probably not committing as much to change as I am.

5

It is a shame but I'm strong and determined enough to pull through them on my own. The suicidal thoughts no longer exist (as per self-educating and training I've learned myself); nor do I need to sit in my bed, moping about, on the phone to my GP wondering what to do next begging for some sort of medication.

You can't predict when environmental changes can affect or alter your mood but once you analyse those environmental changes or take yourself away from them, and allow yourself space and time to find reality in them, it gives you chance to work it out on your own. That's what I do, and I find time is a healer with me.

6

Oh dear. It seems as though I haven't made myself clear. Never mind. I hope you sort things out with your partner.

7

Its good that you realise you may need some kind of medication. Perhaps your doctor can give you some kind of relaxant like diazapem for a short while. Pm me if you want to. 

8

I've just re read what you'd said. I thought that you said you were on the phone to your gp. But I think I read it wrong. 

9

Yes, you definitely did. Medication doesn't work for strong people. I have enough strength in my own legs to be able to stand on them without the use of a crutch.

10

That's fine - no worries.

11

I'm normally a strong person but I feel I have to take medication for the chemical imbalance in my brain. I have clinical depression. I don't have a reason to be depressed. You sound like you have reactional depression and the only way forward for you is to sort out your problems with your partner. She needs to understand depression which is hard when they haven't suffered themselves.  Hope that makes sense.

12

I'm aware of that, Kat. I'm also familiar with 'Reactive Depression'.

Out of curiosity, have you ever had tests to establish that you have a chemical imbalance in your brain? MRI scans and so forth?

13

I've never been offered an mri scan. I don't think its possible to find out about depression ghrough7 an mri scan.

14

An MRI scan would determine whether or not there is a chemical imbalance in your brain, and one that affects the parts of your brain associated with mood disorders such as depression. It's a job for a neuroscientist; not a psychologist. A psychologist could explain, in theory, what is wrong with your brain but not determine 100%, with proof, that your brain has a chemical imbalance.

15

I've never heard of having an mri scan for that. If only it was that simple. I would try anything to help myself. I think ive just got to ride out this storm. Its awful while I'm in the midst of it though. I've been fine for a month after 3 months of hell. I just can't come to terms with feeling so bad again. Thank you for your replies. Its nice to know people care and understand.

16

You've never heard of having an MRI scan for that because it's a waste of time and resources for people who otherwise feel that one size fits all, and offer you medication because you [may] demonstrate symptoms that have applied to people who have had MRI scans in the past to determine that they have a chemical imbalance.

If a neuroscientist spent more time performing tests on everybody who had symptoms of a mental illnesses, they'd spend less time examining the brains of people with problems that are more immediate and severe, and only usually when people demonstrate more severe mental problems, unique problems, is when they conduct those tests. It is well within your rights to ask for one, of course, because at the end of your day, your taxes pay for the NHS, but you'll likely be put off from making the effort because of the timeframe you'll be looking at in getting what you want.