I dont know what to think anymore, feel incredibly alone, and my sister (who has the mega power over me), Her that says I am her best frined her who does not even bother to tell me, that shes coming over, her that consolidates with my partner. Well excuseme, here , but forgive me for letting the little green monster out, I find it all weird. I find that he listens and focuses in on everthing she has to say, Hello.....????
My sister weighs about 6 stone, she suffered from glandowerfever when younger, ( blame that), but surely for someone so sensitive, i should not be so invisible. Sorry, (there should be a picture off a big foot), Its about time mum took her on board, I have enough to deal with. Regardless of what I am going throw, shes up there and I am the nasty b****. Sorry, I am begging somone else to support me here, I feel so hurt.
I was even justifying the anorexics paths, It is built from emotion, I can understand this, I lost a we bit weight when feeling sore and sour, but for me that was the point where I thought, I need help. But I am not honest about that stuff, just become a doom and gloom cripple to being last to be investigated\"as she abused alcohol'. Well, to know the truth , I will know and only I. When she turned up, the first thing she asked \"Katy, can I see your Bikini\". reluctantly , I show her...She says \"since when did you become a size 16?\".
Regardless , my passed still hurts me, it will always haunt me, and always has, but I am building a bone in my body that says\"Enough!!!\". I need to learn to say NO, without the burden of guilt. I am human too and I am to allowed to say .yeah, or no, and if its not going to be heard, boy..... I will let myself BE HEARD!!!
Probably, would not have a \"drink problem\" if I ate, I look no different from anyone else. I look normal weight, I am normal , and of normal weight, I just hate my body and I can normally cope with my crap body image, but I cant handle much more.
I must say this though, I completely understand people with eating disorders, and just as alcoholics try to hide against their emotions, so do anorexics, collide it with both and well , you will just look like an alcoholic. I am by no way means an ano, i just understand it, . For instance: without trying, I dropped to 7 stone, when my grandad died. I understand and empathise.
I will never be the \"little angel\" my sister is, I will never be able to have her insightful thoughts, or her strenght, I am me, Iam just Okay, medioca, (if I am liucky) But I vcanr handle that they and she ignore mydesperation, Ignore the war of the roses, ignore allmy painIt s maybe genetic.I am so very alone and always have been, thers never been anything to turn to, for me, and now my doc has it on his records that I am an alcoholic(not that Ive ever spared his time to read) . Everybody seems to be against me. My family ... I am lost,what to do?.