Dilemas

Treatment and medication
1

Ok. This is really complicated.

I was out last night with my mum friends. al l of which I have a lot of time and respect for. They are lovely woman.

However, the simplest things started to pee me off. Even conversations about the usual ladies stuff seemed uninteresting and really couldnt be bothered. I felt ugly in comaprison with them ( not that I compare) I felt how I felt when I was a teenager, total outcast, liked but not really anything, and my opinions were nothing , pointless idoitoic coments. I felt like nothing. I drank one cocktail which cost 7 pound ( That annoyed me and it tasted like lemonade. Then a glasss of wine. had enough and came home. I know that this behaviour is me, and not anyone elses faut but I dont know Ive not had a social night out with friends in yonks and iam dissapointed in me. I had an idea in my head that if I could let my hair down on a night with good friends I wouldnt want to come home and drink my blues away.

I came home. Got irritated by him and made a few phonecalls. Even couples talking about normal couple stuff upsets me at the moment, until I gag and spew ( and Im not exaggerating.)

Thne there my DILEMAS. Should I really be taking this medication. My nurse has decided I should go on disilfrium. The longer I am away from talking rationally about my irrational behaviour , the more inhumane it seems. It is comparative to someone giving you citalopram. Getting the dose to a happy level , saying idiocyncratic things which make a lot of sense to you, but mean nothing to anyone else//than putting some pemanent glu on thier lips.

I personally think its my inferiorities that should be addressed before prescribing this stuff, How many other people are given it-. Then wonder why they are depressed. I thought we were allowed freedom of speech/

God images of Haiti float through my head and cant stop thinking about that poor baby.anyway, rant over. Fed up and dont think this is fair.

Plus. My ex is not only going to hold tha old drinking against me...the docotrs can also back him up on that one , even if I get better. Your not an alcoholic for 5 minutes , you are one for life. Then there are the mental health conditions. He will be using that against me. Either way there isnt a result and from what im hearing he so doesnt care about how low i go, that he will do anything to get what he wants. Huh and also theres the he doesnte seem to care what the children want-which to me is the most important thing. Ok, this isnt clear as my head is aching and ive still got a stupide cold. I just dont know what to make of this world anymore. I just dont think I should be on any medication I think I should eb left alone and left to sort it out in my own way/ Sleepoing forme seems to be the betst healer. justwaking up from it..isnt so good.

I know this was a big rant about me and my situation but I just want ed to seee what others think .

Take care/

2

Whatever else happens you shouldn't be just left on your own. At least on this site you'll find others who understand and can sympathise. You can let it all out, just have a rant or you can be positive here. It all helps.

You're right to think that underlying problems need to be sorted, but most people find Citalopram can help you do that. You don't say how long you've been on them or what dose. I know the early days can be difficult but it does get better as they take effect.

Yoou take care too.

3

Hey John. Yes Ive been taking this drug for a very long time-and I must say-it does help! When I first took this piil-well there was a big family trauma-and I was good to myself! Well my mum was ill ( SORRY MUST ADMIT, I JUST NEED TO RANT) ..i was okay-but due to illnesses and circumstances- I became my mothers student ( again) dont get me wrong( I love her) but I feel that I have a right to create my own opinions and be left to do so!

I definately think this pill helps put people back on the straight and narrow-but at the same time0 a pill want fix all - and I really dont think anyone can appreciate how terrified I am!

My ex hasnt touched me for years-though- I ocked him out the house a while back and now have no solicitor to help me through. My solicitor was all for mans rights and made it clear. But I wasnt fighting an equality battle-I was fighting against abuse. And I did tell him about things that had gone on-once youve been interfered with though-then touched up the wrong way-the last thing you need is a devil worshipper pokng there nose in-sorry-I just think Im preggers with rosemaries baby at the moment-it would explain the sickness!

i dont want a doctor to read this, a pychitrist or anyone-at the end of the day, theres very little care for people in this situation-and my drinking, just like my starvation, or like my lax abuse was my silent way of reaching peace-even death. I dont care anymore what gps, lawyers tink , there scrambled anyway in ther mysterious judgemental minds. I have 2 really great friend mums. Anyways, I dont drink day and night , I drink before bed, so I sleep-hey but the next day smacks me right where it hurts,. i try to copebut cant. I try to get to places ontime and tears strean out of me, just because Im having a anic attack and no one can help me. Ive tried burning relaxation cds, burning them tilll no tomorow. it doesnt make it stop. the breathing thing doesnt stop-andI think there is something physically wrong- But id need a ex ray of the face. theres somtheitng wrong with my nose. No one listens-sorry the proffessional make a decision and decide that is what it is-sorry but this is far from GAD symptoms and has gone on too long. and whilst I am a suspected alcoholic. I don not drink night and day-nothing lie it.I just have a very nervous temperament -aaI reckon anyone would if they knew my history. Rant over -Pls god I only wanted to rant not upset individuals so dont take it too seriously/

Take care everyone.

4

You really need a friend. Is there no-one close who could help? Please don't rely on alcohol because it really doesn't help. And rant if you want to. It helps.

5

That was interesting. i was thinking why do I get so upset and tied up in knots about events that happened so long ago???

I guesss my situation is a mirror image of events from the past and that why it pops into my head from time to time.Or is there something that my ex does to trigger it , knowing that it hurts me to the point of thrwoing up? Anyway, I went off to read some stuff about it-and it is exactly that-up is down, left is right and theres no direction.

6

Okay-I dont get this coment\"You obviusly dont care what you look like\"/ I dont get it, i do care very much about what I look like and I am veru insecure about my apearance. Im always looking in the mirror and not because I love my slef either.-Weird coment!

Anywa, had a bit of a downer today. Couldnt control my low mood this morning and found myself in bed this afternoon sleeping. i got upset just about the mere fact that I am struggling. Then , i ve to take this antabuse stuffie, and carry on regardless. Ive just fathomed out exactly what my exs next moves are and its sickening. Ive just put my application in for new housing-feeling really anxious about moving but now have friends that have offered to help me out-and that gave me the motivation to do it quicker. Anyway, i reckon hes going to use the fact he gained the family home ( against me) that Ie a history ( of now known drug abuse) and that I am too anxious and incompetent to cope with the children. my stomach flips and I am in tears over and over again. I thought putting the application would help me feel better , feel in control. But here I am anxious in a mess, and see no light. Even thought about sdoing me in as people -nearly everyone I know , knows my situation .Its shameful off me ( I know ) but I did it as I wanted the strength to get ou, but actually think thats had a knock on effect-sorry JUST ranting-

i have a firend who has just been diagnosed with ptsd too, and I know I want be feeling as bad as her, and I feeel more selfish for going on and on-I do relive words/actions and things he has done to me time and time. now its as though I am so used to wallowing in it-or something-I dont know hes gotme trapped Its powerful thing. Like he makes me feel so insecure about moving forward that I move back.But I know not to move back-im not going to either, but I guess thats the only way to describe.Ive found cit makes my facila hair grow faster and gives me wind. Other thatn that getting up and on with it.

Take care everyone. Apologies for the rant above.

7

\"Okay-I dont get this coment\"You obviusly dont care what you look like\"/ I dont get it, i do care very much about what I look like and I am veru insecure about my apearance. Im always looking in the mirror and not because I love my slef either.-Weird coment! \"

Don't understand. I can't see any comment like that.

8

Hi john. yes. i have extremely bad eye sight. My hair is extremly frizzy since feeling down its been falling out.

The thing is, I do care what I look like, but I have no time to try/ Though at the same time, i dont want to work at it too hard/. When it was said-I spoke out of context-as I had been wondering if sclethotherapy can still be continued in the NHS. i previously asked a doctor about it, but the locum gave me the impression that I was to continue living with my episimotomy scar throbbing for the rest of my life, due to these. I didnt cry a huge thing about it at the time, as I am scared of ops, but my legs scare me. I have a purple right leg, and big veins on my left leg -all of which are prpobably superficial.

Yes, Iwas upset at this coment , because yes I dont take care enough with my appearance, but I rty what little I can. It doesnt mean I dont care. I would love to feel attractive, but in all honesty I feel like a pure freak and cant even understand why I was stalked brutally, and the rest, cant understand why anyone would want to be that desperate. Ok said enough-rant over. I just dont get it!

9

The key to feeling attractive is not to worry about it. In love and friendship there is nothing worth having unless it's given freely, without expecting anything in return. If you can get yourself to that state then you will find some peace.

10

I totally understand what you say- just dont know. Why would anyone say the above? Supposed to be in uni and missed the one and only lecture on cbt. Couldnt get out of bed-going to have to find someone who attended and copy notes

I know I have a problem with alcohol but cant stop thinking that antabue isnt the way forward. I mean, if I was an anorexic theyd prescribe me a hormone fattening pill???? Woops-thats exactly what they do-i forgot they do actually give a pill that enhances appetite and makes your hormmones etc build out bodyweight and so on. Its this, heres your fear-will you just face them in the face of challenge One of my biggest fears is being sick, nex to not being able to numb my tearfulness, nervousness, and shyness.I just dont think its right to do this to people. Surely when you come of these things youll be back there with vengance. ..ie) god Ive not had a drink for 6 months gove me a drink or Ive notf felt hungry in ages and omg look at my hips starvation to look great and feel thin again and gain emotional attention from others. Soorry, at it again. Rant over. must go catch a train

11

Hey, I read other posts from others, concerned about getting fat onthis stuff. I dont think that really happens with citalopram.

Ok-I wanted to rant because I dont know why I do this.

this is a little embarassing-but I have to tell someone before someone locks me away. Right first, I got on the train yesterday to get through to do my course. I d even bought lunch and oddly was feeling ravenous. I ate my sandwhiches, picked the crusts of them and throw the packet away. I stuck my headphones on, and curled up waiting for the train to depart-as soon as the thing starts to move. I start to cry...Ive been doing this everytime I go. Once I start crying I cant stop. people just look and next time let me take a packet of tissues. Bus tickets are no fun for soaking up the mess!

I dont knkow is it because I feel like I am betraying my family? I feel so wound up about it. My dad used to say \"no one cries for no reason\" erm-i maybe its my natural rebellion coming through...I just dont know why I do this.

Right train stops and I fell ok get off train and dont really feel like being socialble to classs mates. In fact, the truth be tols , I didint want to speak to anyone-then I start to draw pictures during lectures for little reminders of the topics. Everyone else is scribbling away. I get home. Mum has ocded in my kitchen and meanwhile my daughter was stressing about spending midterm locked in the school gym, and the eldest has lost her voice. I get the teacher baffle\"Get her better for MOnday\" I ask why Monday-and she say\"Your coming to me\" and I say \"Oh am I?\"\" she responds with \"Oh arent you\".....( irt would have just been niced o be asked thats all) Oh, no one knows anything about my train incidencies just me and now those who read here.....anyway....I tried reducing down to ten mgs the other night and was off balance again, so have to take 20-but I worry about this. Will I have to take this for the rest of my life, and what if it reacts with the antabuse...and all of that and it may never work.

A friend of mine gave up drinking ...manage it well for 8/9 months. But lost her children when her man walked away with another woman. so I am totally terrified. But on the other note, I dont want to be seen to be pissing my childrens lives away. they little for such a short period of time. I want to be 100percent alcohol free forever!