It's that time again, the weekend is upon me. I don;t know what is best to do, type on here, ring the Samaritans or go to bed and try to sleep and hopefully my head will be empty again in the morning. It's the old scenario of water again coming back. I just feel safe and comfortable in the sea. I have been thinking again of driving out to a beach at this time of night so I can feel comforted by the water. I know this is all wrong but it keeps coming back. I don't know what to do....
I'm going to go to bed and hopefully calm down enough to try and get some sleep and maybe these thoughts and feeling will be gone by the morning. If not I will have to cope with it...
:-( I have had a melt down tonight... Tues will be a year since the funeral and it's my birthday thurs... Yes was my first birthday without,dad last year 2 days after funeral! I was in the bath tonight and seriously wanted to just slide my head into the water to make it all go away! But instead I just smashed things up.......Would be lovely to go to sleep and never wake up :-( hang in there, it's tough grieving... Not sure of the answer... But if you find it please let me know 😀 hugs to you xxx
Night, hope you sleep... Maybe I should try now too... But I dread the nightmares :-( xxx
Hi at least I'm not getting the nightmares yet, I've got all these anniversary to come yet, it is just coming up to 7 months since my husband died. Why is it water is involved? Just thought is it like going back into the womb, that's a bit deep for this time of night and for me. Try and have happy thoughts of your dad. Yes smashing things up helps m e too. Big hugs and sleep tight and no nightmares. XXX
The ocean has always been my number one "go to" place for sanity and serenity. I do not know why and do not spend time trying to analyze it. All I know is how I feel when I am near, on, or in the ocean. It is soothing, it is healing, it Has always been there for me. I have friends who feel the same way about the desert, and friends who feel the same way about the mountains. For me, it's water, that is just me, and you, and many many many others. It is a sacred and spiritual.
A few weeks ago I was in the water surfing and some guy on the beach had a drone flying around hovering over those of us in the water. It felt totally invasive and I had a meltdown over it. Paddled in and told the guy to take it down and get the hell out of there with it. He said "no, it's not illegal". I picked up some rocks and started throwing them at his goddamn drone. He started yelling "stop, stop, what are you doing, that cost me $4,000.00, you can't do that, I'm going to call the police", to which I replied "go right ahead, it's not illegal to throw rocks". He took the drone down and ran off to his car. In retrospect, I could have handled it in a far more civilized manner, but I am actually okay with having been so protective of the personal serenity that comes with being in the ocean when there are no goddamn drones hovering overhead.
Oh Tina,
I could cry buckets for you. I know that feeling and you know like you wanted it to go away and so tried like you.
All I can do is tell you to stick in there - it does get better.
All my love and hugs as always Mel xx
I have not long woken up after a reasonable sleep and read your post, I can just picture you throwing rocks at that guys drone, good for you. Yes your right the ocean is a sacred place, it can be violent, serene, beautiful even when it's in a temper. Maybe it is my friend when it didn't want to take me the other week just kept pushing me back to the shallows.
Hi Tina et al. I wish I could hug you all and draw that wretched pain out of you, I really do! It may be a while yet before these thoughts subside but they WILL everyone. Believe me they WILL!!! Help each other even if it's virtually by writing on here and expressing your feelings and TALKING, Get it out of your systems. Speak to the Samaritans. Bash it out on your keyboards. 2003 my darling baby sister passed from Cancer and I am STILL so so frigging ANGRY. 50yrs old - 7 yrs of frigging suffering! Dad's 6th anniversary is next week and Mum's 5th in April sigh frigging sigh! I light a candle in memory each anniversary and say a little prayer in remembrance. The flame is like the soul. It's light just like they were. The light of my very existance. Oh dear getting weepy. Big hugs and CHIN up Tina ABOVE THE WATER darling.. Sending THE MOST POSITIVE VIBES to you all. Don't forget. Talk to each other (sound like an old mother hen) xxxxxxxxx
Big hugs back. Xx
Thanks so much xx
hi all, Tina,
I must say, I'm touched by all your stories, and a feeling a little guilty that they make me feel slightly more positive to know I'm in company. I only just started taking citalopram yesterday the first time I've ever been on any antidepressants, I've hidden my depression for so many years, but turning 40 last weekmi thought I should do something about it, although I've been seeing a counsellor for 6 months...
Hi Michelle
Good for you taking that step. I have found the people on here so supportive, I was not one for talking but writing stuff down has helped me greatly. I'm not really up yet in giving too much support or advice as I haven't sorted my own head out yet but venting off on here I would say has saved my life and sanity so far. Happy 40th for last week. X
Hello again ladies!!!
YES! yes! YES!!!!! Communication my loves! For us all. Mwah and love to you all. Going to son's shortly to see our darling granddaughters so ttfn and
XXX
Thanks Tina, to be honest, I'm not good at following advice so no worries there !! I think it's good to just vent your frustrations and know someone's probably going to read it and maybe even relate to what you're saying. I know we all have different reasons we're on here, and SME are at a lower point than others, some like me are concerned that from all the medication horror stories I've read , I'm wondering if sticking with the depression would have been more bearable ?!! I'll be taking my next 10mg shortly with brekkie and bricking myself for day two of nausea and feeling jumpy.
Hi Kristin,
Like you and Tina the ocean to me is a very spiritual place where you can be at one with yourself and nature. Being a very free spirited person. Just had to write and say good for you!! It gave me a right chuckle just picturing you throwing rocks. Lol.
Some people just don't appreciate personal space and the need for serenity - but may be he will think twice before doing it again or may be even going to a place where he won't invade other peoples peace.
Hope this gives you all a chuckle - but I was walking my boxer on the beach minding my own business and she was just sniffing about and all of a sudden I heard this little screach and looked up to find that she had gone up to this woman who had been sat there in the meditating position and gave her a good old smacker across the chops. So I went up and apologised as it was totally out of character for her - may be she felt this woman needed a love - she was fine with it bless her.
Hope you are all good day.
Big hugs to you all Melxx
p.s. wish I could find a nice little wooden old shack to live in and listen to the ocean.
Hi Tina,
Hope you are having a good day. Just to let you know you are in my thoughts and lifting you up.
All my love and massive hugs Mel Xx
Hi Mel
Had a nice day out at the beach yesterday, sitting on rocks, alone, peaceful watching a sea otter fishing successfully, herons and curlews a piece of chocolate cake for me. Today a different ball game so just spent the last half hour chopping wood so hopefully that's my frustration out now.
Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts I find it comforting.
Hope your having a relaxing day. Tina Xx
Tina, sounds like you had a very soothing time yesterday, I can appreciate your love of the sea, and nature too, i,m a bit of a birdwatcher and don't you think curlews make the loveliest noise ? you mentioned chocolate cake, do you bake yourself ?, you mentioned chocolate cake, i have a couple of amazing chocolate cake recipes for you, one using pureed beetroot, absolutely lovely, baking is something i do when it all gets too much...as it involves a lot of concentration...hope you have a humungous pile of wood now !!!, you know, everyone is so friendly on here, it's nice to have that, i feel like ive just joined a family ! if that doesn't sound naff...