Hi, once again, I'm interested in those who are 'disabled' either by a disease or physically, if it's left you feeling a low of self-worth? And, if so, have you found ways to distract those ideas? If you feel comfortable enough, would you kindly share with us your experience that left you disabled?
Frustrated
Yes, I am interested in this question. I don't understand why it should be so. I don't see an ill person as less of a person. When I was in my late teens I was invited into the house of a friend of a friend. for supper. His mother was busy making supper. It was difficult for her as her right arm and right leg didn't work very well. And she was embarrased. because two young strangers we seeing her disability. Somehow, she learned that my mother was disabled. She cheered up immediately and became very friendly and confident and open. But why? I still do not understand it. My attitude to her had not changed nor that of my friend. Why?
Doc!
I'm perplexed with this question as well. It appears that people are uncomfortable with those with a disability thus turn their back on them. It'not catchy and it could just happen to them. Will that be a life lesson for those? who knows. Another issue, I guess.
But I've found some exremly, overly helpful and they are very much appreciated then there are those who think if they look the way of someone disabled, they will "catch" it. Heck yes, this can play on
self-worth. I guess ignorance is bliss! right?
Frustrated XxoO
Hi frustrated, Gosh this is a big question. Many of us may have seen a sickly fledgeling being push out of the nest to die on th groud below. Some have seen a sockle young animal attacked by its siblings and driven away. Or perhaps a deformed new born kitten killed and eaten by the dam. There is some primal instinct at work. The question that comes to my mind is this. Are humans just clever animals who should obey their natural instincts? Should we bite and kill our sick or deformed neighbour and drive him away? Or should we have compassion, and bring help and comfort to our suffering neightbour? Should we be an animal driven by thoughtless instinct. Or shouldwe be human trascending instinct with compassion?
I remember when at school my class was in an uproar mobbing one of the our school fellows. As happens with mobs, uncritically I was drawn into this cruelty. The bell rang and the master approached. The mob scattered to their desks and I saw the victim. More, I SAW the victim's tears. In that moment I learned compassion.
Hello both,
Is a big question, there is the very true saying that a group, team, side ?? is only as strong as it's weakest link. True, unless you just ditch them and move swiftly on.
Years ago before mass population of the America's tribes used to move to vaious places dependant on the availability of food and shelter, come the fall and winter following close behind when everthything was scarce and life a good deal harder the old , infirm and injured were left behind, no food or shelter, cold kills before hunger, and it is not a cruel death as the body cools down sleep comes, the sleep gets deeper as the cold gets colder and death comes peacefully.
Today, the disabled do need extra time, extra consideration and can't contribute the same as able bodied folk. I am talking physical / mobility disabled.
In general families see to the needs, but what if there is no family, people have lives that are so full. so busy and their own families with whom to enjoy a mutual ejoyable life with that they don't have time to be bothered with those who need care - why should they?
You are asking as I said, a big question, is it important to you on a personal level or are you asking out of curiosity? There was a time when those who were different made some kind of living out of their disability, circus freaks they were, usually sold by their families, ( because of all the extra's required ) and it was in their buyers interest to keep them as 'healthy' as possible so as to go on making a living from them.
A disabled person cannot live the same life as an able person. Self worth is not an idea to be distracted from, survival with a disability is an actual fact that many struggle with daily.
Jessie.
Hi Jessie~
Happy to see you! Love that regarding the "weakest" link; quite the observation! You however, were never an intention to to ditch. The only intention to not submit to provocation.
The question is two-fold. While I am physically disabled a title I was given by a surgeon who called his surgery to me as "failed back syndrome". Funny, to save face, they give a failed surgery a name so one can "sleep" at night. Anyway, because of this, I do have problems getting around. I would be totally dependent on someone should my immediate family not be here to assist me. For me that won't ever happen. For other's however, it can and will happen.
It's funny, in ways, that when I was up and abled, I would get looks because (so I'm told) a nice looking person. However, my looks haven't changed much but now people find it difficult to look at me, why? Ignorance? Anyway, it really made me aware just how prejudiced our society really is.
If the disability is visual, most likely there are prejudices going on. All I can say, is one day, years ago, I was in perfect health. I always cared for those who were "misunderstood". I'd open doors for them, I'd even wheel them to the appropriate place. I do admit, if I wasn't headed towards that particular place, I wouldn't get out of my car and do this. I most likely didn't even notice. The point is, why add to someones self-worthlessness by looking away, believe me, we notice, try a smile, it goes a long way especially to those who feel less than. And remember, your day just may have not come, yet. Hopefully, it will never, but it can.
So, this question was partially for my interest and also out of curiosity.
Thank you, Jessie~
Frustrated
Hello frustrated
I do not understand your first paragraph.
I am sorry to learn that you are disabled, and that this is personal to you and comes from your experiences in life. Why people should have difficulty looking at you I don't understand, pardon for asking, are you dependant on walking aids or in a wheelchair, what makes it obvious that you are disabled? Could it be that they don't look out of fear that their day will indeed come and they opt for ignorance is bliss.
Could it be that should they happen to look at a time when you are obviously in need of assistance, and they would have to take time out of their busy lives to offer it?
I do not understand those kind of people, I am glad I don't have the mind set to understand!!
No disabled person should feel of less worth than an able bodied person, after all the personality and intelect of the person is not affected, will go further, the disabled person has - will probably have a lot more patience, learned by experience, it does take longer to physically do the things that able bodied folk take for granted. It could be that the person has taken up a new kind of emplyment, one that makes more use of the brain than the hands, needs a lot of thought.
A persons worth could become disabled for a variety of reasons, bitterness being one, and that is understandable, it could also be put down to the attitude of the able bodied towards them.
If the person is young and disabled then they may have lost the chance to become parents, able bodied people can feel worthless, particularly women when they are unable to have children.
The feeling of being worthless is a personal one, and up to the individual, it should never though be directed to a disabled person, Stephen Hawkins - wow, could start a whole new train - I cant think of the word!
Has being disabled, disabled your self worth, lessened your self worth, only a disabled person can say, based on their own lives and experience.
Jessie.
Hi Jessie ~
Actually, on good days, I don't even have to use a cane. However, if I'm going to a place that has a lot of people around, I use the cane because so many are in such a hurry these days that they bump into you w/o even realizing but I cannot afford that to happen as I could lose balance and then what? Yep, i'd fall. I use a cane most the time. When I go places that will entail a lot of walking, I "rent" a scooter or if I have to, I use a wheelchair. Not my first choice.
My self worth is fine. I'm curious about other's who haven't been able to find theirs. Unfortunately, people are cruel with looks, or behaviors, or just by ignoring. It's true. I've observed this not only with myself, but with other's in similar condition. Either people are "reminded" of their mortality or, they just don't give a rats. To me, I am fortunate to have wonderful family and friends that care enough about me to always include me with anything they are doing. My situation was unfortunate at the hands of someone who had anger issues. Not towards me, but towards others (like road rage) and they were dealing with that issue and slammed into me while driving 50 mpr.
Anyway, I thought this could be a avenue for some to express their emotions on the subject. Especially if they are affected with this.
I appreciate your input as it will most likely help someone reading. I do hope they respond because writing is very theraputic.
Being disabled has only affected me in ways that make me upset that I cannot do for myself with everything. I've come to grips that this is what it is and nothing will change, except my attitude towards it. I've embraced it. I would like to know how others who are disabled, how they've embraced it and what they've done to make it work.
Warm regards,
Frustrated
Thank you Jessie,
No, it is not the question of a dilletente passing an idle moment. Bofore passing on to anchor your comments in the fine holding seabed of good sense and the keen acknowledgement of the worth of every human, Let me first take my place among the disabled. Prostate cancer now publicised and politised as the number one cancer killer of men does cause that shock of dread to vail the hearer's face; that shock of dread that still appears at the announcement of breast cancer in women. i have another disability, almost universally ignored in practice even if acknowledged by lip. That is deafness - loss of hearing. Sometimes ridicule and mockery, occasionally insult. always isolating and excluding- lonely in a roomfull of happy people. Yes I am involved not just intested in this debate,
(end of part one as I have run out of time)
Jessie and you are enlivening this debate marvellously. There must be tons of experience with members of this forum. I do hope you silent members of the forum will imitate Jessie and frustrated and add your t'penceworth to this debate. Please , please do. Doc!
I can only imagine the silence. It has to seem extremely lonely in a room full of people that love you. How do you cope with this, Doc?
Frustrated
hi frustrated, not silence but meaniful noise that has no meaning for me. Asking yet again to speak slowly. The speaker starts again with excessive articulation and before the first sentence is half way through is back to normal spead and looking away from me. Struggling to understand, too late to take part in the conversation, exhausted by the effort in half an hour. Chided for not being ready for the outing I never knew was being planned, yet I was in the room while THEY planned. A machine talking on the phone and I have no idea - marketing, rubbish, confirmation of an important meeting? I have no idea. Yes alone, not just in roomfull of strangers but also in a roomfull of loved ones who love you. Enough to make you weep? Well, yes it is.
And frustrated, those non-looks! That must be dreadful. Now, try this for looks. A stranger rides up behind me on his bike, ringing his bell, I was later told. I walk on. He peddles past, just missing me, turns on his saddle, puts a finger to his temple, makes a face, and rotates his finger. Well, you just kind of remember, don't you.
No, frustrated, I don't cope. I excuse myself after a while for the effort is tiring and boring and exhausting. The ideal is me plus one or two people. Me and three or more is inevitable misery. Prostate Cancer for all it turns life upside down from the first diagnosis to the last painful gasp is not so bad as as the unremitting misery of hearing loss. (and I have two excellent well programmed hearing aids from NHS.)
In sum, frustrated, I get anxious about my prostate cancer, I get miserable about my deafness.
George ~
I cannot imagine what you're dealing with. I can appreciate the anxiety of the cancer...I have nothing to write that can seem positive regarding that, how can anything seem that way?!
My grandmother became deaf after years. It all started with ear infections as a child then progressed as she was a swimmer and mostly in lakes where there are all kinds of critters waiting for that warm, dark environment to reek havoc. This caused her to go deaf and while I can appreciate your side of this, on the flip, it was so hard to keep in contact with her. Many just didn't try. I had a thought one day while in class at college, "they teach sign language in this school, why not ask a student if they'd come to her home (Grandmothers)and teach us?" and that's exactly what I did. It was a six week course that this student put together exclusively for us. She did get credit and she also got a monetary gain which wasn't enough as far as I was concerned. But, we all put in what we could afford. That wasn't her goal anyway, she thought it would be good to get this extra kind of credit to her name.
So, after the weeks followed, we would go and visit my grandmother and practice with one another. She would always sign something then turn her little finger upwards. It wasn't any part of any word! It made it extremely hard to follow what she was trying to say. Although she understood us, we could not follow her. LOL then one night I realized, that little finger turn up was an accent! It had to be! There wasn't any other explanation. lol She was a very feminine woman and she'd drink her tea with that little finger turned upwards. So, oddly, we couldn't relate to her accent and boy, did we try to break that habit of hers, but she just didn't really understand how she was changing the meaning of everything she said!!
It wasn't all for not, though. My daughter's were taught a valuable lesson and that's not to ignore those with afflictions and try to help if possible. Both are like that today! They both care so much for others. One is a Hospice nurse for the past 8 yrs and the other, well she works for a company that is unrelated to "care" but she is the first one to come visit me and goes to see her grandmother, who sadly is afflicted with dementia. For that, I'm thankful for having that person come and teach us sign. It also got all of us together under one roof with the only thing that mattered, my grandmother.
We were able to continue signing to her and since she knew how to speak prior to losing her hearing, she would answer us in a speaking voice. So it all worked out! We certainly had many laughs over those classes. That poor girl who stepped in to help us, I don't know if she followed through with that as a career or we changed her way of thinking altogether! It was all good. I'm happy that was part of our lives. To this day, I still can sign and I teach my grandkids the easiest ways to get what you want w/o screaming...a little flip here and a little flip there LOLOL!
Doc, there is hope. Possibly there is someone who can step in and teach basics of signing to your family and I'll tell you, if nothing else, the laughs you'll share, priceless.
Love you!
Frustrated
Also, Jessie ~
That first paragraph was in response to your post. Read what you wrote and then what I wrote, it may make sense afterwards.
Frustrated
Sadly, at ones expense. However, the flip to that is, this is possibly God's means of teaching compassion. Did you ever see this person again? Was his life as pathetic as it seemed at that time he was being "bullied"?
I've experienced I believe one of God's true signs of this. The story is long (go figure, right?) but I'll share it only if you'd like to hear.
Doc, I'm very happy you learned compassion, it clearly shows. Not to worry that someone had to go through misery for some to learn such a valuable lesson. God has his reasons and we cannot question.
Anyway, I will present later.
Frustrated
Thank you frustrated. Signing would be great. 1. we would communicate. 2. They would look at me (no longer a full colour shape that turns grey and <pop> it's gone. 3. we would be properly integrated.
I think the reason that it hurts so badly, complex and easy communication for social and practical purposes is a major basic of being human. If something really excites or pleases us we do not get anything like the full joy of it until we speak to others about it.
Amen to that, Doc! Amen to that.
<3 Frustrated
The forum is so great for me in that I 'hear' every word you write. even with the typos ( The 'typos ' in what I hear when people speak is nobody's business. I need the context. Then I need the whole sentance. Then I look for some sensible meaning within the context. Then I hope it is about right. Takes about half a second. Too slow to reply for the conversation has moved on. ) And on the forum I can get into the conversation and reply. And have a whole lot of exchanges. It makes me very happy. Thank you all.
Doc ~
Thank you as well. Your input is very thoughtful and meaningful! See, we "gimps" can be worthy hehe!
<3
Frustrated