Im seeing someone who i havent slept with yet, but in the near future may well do, and could potentially see myself being with her long term later down the track. How do I begin to have the discussion of telling them i have HSV2 and explaining to them the potential consequences without insulting my way out of sex and a future together? Because if i sleep with this girl and i dont tell her and someone she finds out after. She’s all but finished with me for sure. Any suggestions? How have others brought up the topic without creating a heated and tense situation? Do you keep it light hearted or list the risks/facts etc.?
well i told my partner by saying i really care about you and i see myself being with you long trem but one day while you on the phone talking to her just bring up the subject about stds and ask them a question like if you someone you knew you been knowing for couple months and you really liked this person and but you have a std how would you react will you still be that person say iam just asking for friend ?? and see whats her respond is then you know tour answer from there.
Hi Ross
I have genital HSV2 and don’t have a settled partner so I have been through this scenario several times.
You are right to have this conversation before you have sex, its about informed consent right?
It’s an awkward conversation though so, good idea to plan it as you are doing.
Firstly decide when to have the conversation and don’t bottle out.
I prefer to do it face to face when I think sex is on the cards but the clothes haven’t come off yet, e.g when we’ve gone home together.
I tend to start off with a general conversation about sexual health. Say that i get checked regularly and that hope she does too. Then I mention that I have had Herpes in the past and that it can come back. The reason that I am telling her is that in future I would refuse to have sex during an outbreak because I dont want her to catch it from me.
This makes it clear that you are concerned about her.
This has always gone well. Usually thre is an initial look of alarm but an appreciation of the honesty. Of course there will be questions so you need to know your facts and not be defensive. I ususally suggest she talks to the clinic about it when she next gets checked.
Best of luck to you
i told my boyfriend before we were physical. i just told him that i really liked him and wanted to take things further but there was something i needed to tell him first. i told him that i have herpes type 2 and an initial sort of explanation about what that is and means. i will always have it but not have outbreaks all the time. that it is similar to the virus that causes cold sores and that i was telling him as i wanted him to fully understand before anything else happened. fortunately my boyfriend said he did not care but i made him go away and research about it before i allowed anything else to happen. only when he messaged me saying that he still did not care after he fully understood what it was did i allow anything else to happen. i hope this helps and that it goes well x