Hi, Folks,
Firstly, I apologise if this is the wrong place to post this. If this is the wrong subforum, please move it to the correct place.
I'm from the UK and I assume most viewers/posters here are also from the UK and have an NHS doctor too.
I'll give a brief history of my treatment: I went to the doc around 12 months ago complaining of foul moods, low self-esteem, anxiety and desire to commit suicide. After explaining my difficulties with Fluoxetine and Citalopram in the past (which I abruptly and naively stopped taking due to the side effects,) I was prescribed 15mg Mirtazapine. This helped to improve my moods to some extent.
Back then I was asked to make fortnightly appointments with the doctor and after a few weeks they raised my dose to 30mg in the hope of improving my moods further. I was doing well with them except that my anxiety had remained the same as it was. I made a point of saying this every time and yet none of the doctors did anything but nod their heads ambiguously and said that the Mirtazapine should be helping.
Now, 12 months on, I still complain about my nerves at my appointment every 2 months. I rarely leave the house, don't work and finished full-time education months ago. I don't claim any sort of benefits nor do I ask anything of anybody and I pay for my prescriptions. The docs keep suggesting to me that finding a job will help my self-esteem and I completely agree... but when I can't walk in to a supermarket without palpatations and gut-wrenching butterflies how do they expect me to face interviews, new people, new environments, the possibility of rejection and being taken from my comfort zones?
Perhaps I make the mistake of saying, \"I'm doing fine,\" when I walk in to the doc's office because more often than not, I'm in and out of his/her office in under 90 seconds. I smile and avoid making sob stories because it isn't what the doc wants to hear and I hate disappointing people. My life situation is not making me want to kill myself but making me not want to live. (Sounds the same, but it's slightly different.)
Sometimes I feel like I'm not worth the doc's time and that I don't merit any sort of professional's attention because I cannot attribute my feelings to a life event (e.g. rape/abuse). My nervous nature also makes it difficult to voice how I feel when I do see the doc.
Does anybody else share any of these experiences?
P.S. sorry for the depressing essay.