Don't know what to do

Mental health
1

Hello, I've posted here a few times before. Most recently about 3 weeks ago. My problems started when my Dad got sick, they started to get better after a few months, but when he passed away they got worse. I've been to counselling for a few weeks. I hated every single minute of it, but everyone told me it would help me. My mum made me go when I told her about my suicidal thoughts. I didn't want to go, but I did to make her feel better.

I know I shouldn't complain, but I'm sorry I told her. She overreacted and told my whole family. Now every time I see someone there always asking me how I am. I know that sounds bad, but it can be annoying being asked constantly how I am, especially when I'm in a bad mood.

Since my Dad died, I haven't really shown much emotion. It's not that I don't want to, I just can't . It's like there's a part of my brain blocking everything out...and I can't stop it. My suicidal thoughts went for a while, but now they're back. Before I've been able to hide everything, in school and in front of friends.. but I'm finding it harder to do everyday. I constantly feel tired, and have trouble listening and concentrating. I've also lost interest in things I used to like ( I.e, watching sports, or playing football). Some days I feel great, and then others I just want to stay at home. Everyday I feel exhausted even if I sleep well. I've been to my doctor about it, and she askes if I had planned anything or if I have self harmed ( which I haven't ). She then told me it's part of the grieving process and I'm not at risk.

I'm sick of people saying the same thing to me, 'You'll be fine, just give it time and you'll be back to normal' but they don't understand what it's like waking up everyday and thinking the world would be better off without me in it. I constantly worry that I won't do good in exams, and end up not getting into college. That I will end up spending the rest of my life in Ireland, not getting to see the rest of the world. Or not getting a good job and ending up living in debt.

I know I rambled on there, and I'm sure if half it makes any sense, but I just had to get it off my chest.

If anyone has any advice on what I should do,it is much appreciated.

Jack

2

Hello Jack.

Yes the symptoms you describe are all classic signs of "anxiety" , i know as i suffer from those symptoms on a regular basis.

If you visit your GP / Doctor they can help and will make you an appointment with the “Well Being” service and you can also be referred to a counsellor.

I know it is scary and daunting to seek help and of course there is a stigma attached to mental health, most people out there do not like to talk about it and so it is all too easy for others to brush aside and quickly change the subject , they do not have time or really want to deal with people like me and you regarding our complex mental health issues.

​It is not easy to make the first step to get help but it is worth doing and you are not alone with this problem, the best therapy i have found for mental health issues is to talk about it with others that know what you are going through , this is the most important step you can take to break the cycle of anxiety and depression from my experience over the last two years.

Hope this helps you further , Neil.

 

3

I'm sorry about your loss. That's a very very tough thing to go through I give you a lot of props. She is right it is part of the grieving process and the blocking everything out is you trying to not feel any emotion. It seems as though you are depressed which hence you can't concentrate, don't feel etc. I'm not a doctor or anything, but I think you should just let it all out I'm telling you just tap into the darkest depths of your mind, blast the sad music, scream punch things and just let it all out. It'll build to something too much. There's hope for you man and repressing isn't the best thing. I hope things go well for you.