The first time was horrible...the second time is downright scary because I know what's coming. I had two very bad years that almost destroyed both me, and my marriage. This past year has been pretty good...the anxiety diminished, the mood swings weren't prominent. But I'm slipping right back into it now...and I cannot do that again!
My husband told me yesterday that if something doesn't change we won't last. I CAN'T CHANGE IT!!
With all the times he has broken my heart in the past 25 years by never being there...but he is not willing to go through this trip with me again. I think it is because he cannot stand being criticized ... and well, these days I am critical. I am having a hard time even liking him...and I *know* it's hormones. But i can't stop.
I am back to the brain fog...not being able to get anything done at home. Not happy at home. Last week I hooked up my camper and left for a week to "get out of his hair" I told him. But I can't get out of my own!!!
And I will never make it on my own...financially or otherwise. I have always been a stay at home wife. There is no possible way I can find a job in this state of mind...I can't even get done the things i already know how to do! never mind trying to learn anything new.
The only thing I can think of is avoiding home so that *he* doesn't get bitched at. So that *he* doesn't get upset with me. If I am not here when he is, he won't get in trouble right? Avoidance, to save my marriage...who woulda thought?
Ugh...
I just needed to vent. And i'm scared. And i am feeling so alone and confused AGAIN! I hate this.
My deepest sympathies. I’ve just had a fallout with my partner over him flirting with our blonde, blue-eyed neighbour. Am I overreacting? Probably. They share a mutual love of gardening and I get hay-fever and burn in the sun. He says I’m in a foul mood and it’s to do with my periods and the menopause and back to work on Monday blues. Again, he’s probably right. I’d normally shrug it off.
If he knows why though, you’d think he’d make allowances. I’m having my second period this month, having stopped for 3 months. This is the third false alarm in the last 2 years.
One thing I have learnt with perimenopause is that it makes you honest. Suddenly, we become more opinionated and speak our mind. Is that really such a bad thing?
Depending on the severity of the situation, I think not.
Has your husband attempted to help you or even listen to you?
It's not alot to ask for and isn't that what a partnership is all about?
Supporting, understanding and helping each other.
I hope things her better for you and you receive the support that you need.
Im also going down that road for the second time. Its true what many ladies have said ---it comes back with a vengence....just when you thought you had survived it...its awful
I hear you sister, I had this argument yesterday with my husband while traveling from 🇨🇦 to New Jersey, it was a long drive and my husband was harassing me about the lack of sex in our relationship, and how he is fed up because, I'm not trying and that when I'm feeling good and I want it, he has no problem but when I don't feel well, I don't try.
I can't get over my feelings when my anxiety hit, or my pain in my breast and legs, I can't just put it out of my mind and have sex😑 ugh,
I get why many women over 50 are now single , don't want to deal with this along with everything else
So sorry to hear this... I know it's tough because really all we want is someone who is kind, supportive and understanding. My relationship is not that great and I only partially blame hormones. We have kids in high school and only do things as a family when we have too. Otherwise, we are basically on our own. I know I"m the rock of this family, just wish it I had a 'rock' of my own. I feel unappreciated!! Just this last week I had a cyst to deal with-- everything is OK but really no support from home. And I still can't exercise so it's really tough to be 'stuck' till it heals. Makes me realize and I get scared about my future if something did happen to me where I was homebound for good. UGH
I do what I can for me and I hope you are doing what you can for yourself. Getting away does help!! : ) I take many supplements, getting out for walks or to swim, talking with a friend or family, I try to eat as many fruits and veggies as I can even thou there are days that I crave junk. And drinking a lot of water helps too. When I feel like I need 'more' I make an appt with a therapist that I see from time to time. I also try to plan theatre with a friend or 2--- this gives me something to look forward too.
I don't have the greatest doctor...and I have not gone to see him about any of this...and will not. I do not want to go the HRT or BIO route, that just prolongs the issue as far as I understand...and from what I read, many times solves nothing
Support...none. But I have been going back to my hometown much more often where I know I am loved by everyone. Here all I have really is my husband and inlays...and well, you know inlaws are not family.
Is it all my fault...well considering 'over the years' no. A lot of it is just not being put up with anymore, thanks to raging hormones, lol!
Oh Dora you are right...it does make one honest...in a brutal way at times. My husband walks away when he gets upset with me. He doesn't argue...never raises his voice...just goes silent for a few days, and wishes I would disappear. So sometimes i just leave for a few days, if he isn't talking to me.
I totally get why they are single too. My husband has friends going through this, and getting separated, buying Harleys. And I think he is getting tempted to join them. I am honestly fearful of ever separating from him though. He has a lot of good things about him...and I am terrified of having to try and financially support myself. i also don't ever want to have to take from him to survive. But he is getting fed up...and I might be left with no choice. I am so confused. All this past crap coming out of the spiderwebs in my head.
I am having a hard time with the sex thing too. I try not to say no...but sometimes you are right...the last thing I want is his hands on my terribly aching boobs! And the rest of it i can do without too!
Great ideas Kelly, thank you. I do eat healthy for the most part. I got into drinking wine in the evenings for a couple of years. Not every evening, but many. He says i'm better on wine...lol! I am better when i am relaxed i'm sure...but at the same time I am afraid of it becoming a problem. I have decided I am not drinking anymore.
My relationship....well we are great friends, for the most part...but i am alone a lot, like you. Our interests are very different.
Mine has always been emotionally unavailable. It is just who he is and that will never change. If I am having a meltdown, he will find something to do away from me. He really does not have a clue. He has never been a cuddler...and the few times that he has tried for my sake it is just not comfortable for either of us because I know it is not him.
I am doing what I can for me. I do have to drink more water, but summer is here so it will come naturally. In winter it is harder...I want red wine not water...lol!
I have been really considering a therapist.
I have also been really considering just not being home when he is.
Hope you get healed up soon Kelly. I know it must suck to be stuck post surgery along with all this peri crap. Sending well wishes your way.
I'm so sorry we are all going through this, a second time??? WT? But reading your posts have made me smile, cry and take a break from symptom checking. We all have crazy circumstances, this second time I think my trigger this time around was my mom breaking her hip, suffering a stroke(thankfully in front of me) I was fine all through it...then one fine day boom woke up nauseous, anxious, depressed. My husband is very supportive, but while I'm going crazy, he's getting drunk at home. He is a high functioning alcoholic and has always been. Now in my weak moments I overlook his drinking because I need him to take care of life.
I hate feeling so messed up and my gyno gives me the reassurance she won't let me reach 59 with my