DP / DR For over 8 months .... Tell me you're story

Mental health
1

Hi guys,

Brief background .... Had a very stressful 5 years. Dad had a liver transplant as was extremley poorly, we had to deal with a lot at home and wasent a nice experience.

I then fell ill on holiday myself with chest and back pain which was never found the cause,was taken to a very old scary hospital in Greece and thought I was going to die there, I was on my own, in a filthy hospital so so scared, I had dreams about the place for months after accompanied with a Funny head feeling...

So went to the doctors (again) as I constantly feel spaced out & stoned and have horrendous back and chest pain. He yet again told me it is "anxiety" but has decided to do a lot of blood tests which I have already had such as blood count, Kidneys, Liver, Etc just to be safe.

For me I wake up, feeing like I haven't slept. I go and have a shower and instantly feel like I ask myself "How does you're head feel today"... Now

If I try and just push it away and think of something else it isent that bad. However if I think about it then BAM I feel pretty drunk and spaced out.

It's like my brain consantly wants to remind me that I suffer from anxiety. As soon as I step out the house I can guarantee I'll feel like I'm on another planet. I've read that DP is "I don't fee real" DR is "My surroundings don't feel real"... That does not describe my symptoms at all.

I feel drunk/ Spaced Out/ Confused/ Sleep Deprived/ mentally slow and feel like my brain never recovers from being asleep. Like my head is just overdosed with rubbish.... Best way to describe it is it being like a dream world, or that I am extremely tired and haven't slept for a week, Or drunk but trying to

Hide it.

Throughout the day it gets worse, it does not effect me when I eat or drink. Then around tea time (6pm) things get really bad. I feel like I've had 5/6 beers, I dare to drive, my eyes see something but I don t register what it is, I can't follow conversation and feel "awkward" looking at people. I also always think "do I seem normal to people" ... If I go to the shops I struggle to walk around, feel dizzy and hideous.the only thing I can do is lie down and watch TV, I can't stay awake past 10pm and if I try the drunker and more spaced out I feel... Yet look and seem fine to everyone else. I can 'act' like I'm absoloultey fine and no one would ever think I feel this way. I don't have slurred speech, poor balance or anything.

This is the weirdest thing .... I LOOK FINE, and even weirder somehow I can act completey normal. I feel paralettic, but could if I had to have a intel intelligent conversation with somebody and they would never know how I feel. I know this because I constantly ask my family and girlfriend (do I seem OK to you?!)

So DP/ DR sufferes.... What would you class this hell I am living in?! DP/ DR or something different ?!

I'm 21, not on medication.

2

I've been looking into this for you hoping to find a measure of comfort for you because it must be awful feeling that way. Firstly you've had the bloods done which is good because should there be any residual problems from being ill in Greece it will be detected and sorted out. Secondly, has the GP suggested you see the ENT to ensure there are no physical problems there? If not it might be worth investigating. It's not likely but it will put your mind at rest.

Secondly I was surprised to find that feeling spaced out and drunk, experiencing brain fog, are common with many anxiety sufferers and PTSD sufferers and I have to say if anyone fits the bill for PTSD then you do.

You know, Alex, you are so very young yet you have been to hell and back what with one thing and another. You are not inured  by life experiences so are very vunerable as yet. It's little wonder you are bombarded with dreadful symptoms.

I'm sorry taking so long to get back to you but I wanted to check things out for myself first before contacting you. I know it's not much help but I wanted you to know I was thinking/cared about you.

Now I hope others with the same or similar symptoms come forward to help you.

Biggest hugs to you xxx

 

3

I am so sorry for what you are going through,I completely agree with Hellen,you hav ed experianved some very yramatic things the past few years. I think youbare feeling spaced out because thats yiyr brains way of trying to cope.

4

Sorry about the typos,i pressed the button before I could correct them. Anyway, I think youve just ben through so much. Please let us know how you are,others care. I hope you can understand what I was trying to say. Typing this on my cell. Hugs!

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Yes, Lee, that makes sense, about spaced out being the brain's way of coping! A sort of emotional detachment!

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Check with your doctor if a stay in rehab will cure your problem.

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Helen, again Thankyou so much for replying, your really helping me through this time in my life. It would be so much better if I could make a link to what's causing it, but it's just constant 24/7 sort of thing .... I know this sounds silly but it just reminds me so much of my dad when he had liver problems.

He would always "Seem" drunk/ weird, not himself and look very spaced out. We couldn't go on hOil day, go anywhere as a family, and it was so upsetting to grow up with ... 14-20

He got confused easily, would go on walks and fall over, and was like living with a really bad alcoholic, we would come in and some days he would be on the floor, but he diddent drink he had fatty liver disease.

.... He's had a transplant since, but you dont forget this things..... So when I feel like I have similar symptoms, even though to everybody I seem absoloultey fine, yet when he was poorly he looked so I'll but he thought he was okay.... I don't know how or when this is going to end

Could this be a link or something ?!

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Thankyou Lee

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Guys I've tried to reply to everybody but it is being moderated and I don't know why, basically I don't known you if it is anxiety I feel this poorly. Briefly when I grew up I saw a lot of horrible stuff at home because my dad was so so poorly with his liver( Fatty Liver) not alcohol related. We would come in and he would be on the floor etc like he was paralettic but he diddent drink however he thought he was fine he diddent know how he was being ,

When I have similar symptoms even though everyone says I look fine it makes me so so worried. Which probably furthers the cycle ... Plus when I went on holiday I went to get away from it and ended up coming home I was so poorly with pains in my chest and back....

Right now I am walking round the shops, can't focus on anything with my eyes, nothing seams real, I feel

Hungover and tipsy at the same time, really struggling but guess what ... I can hide it just fine .

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Thankyou Helen I've wrote a huge reply but is being moderated for some reason x

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You know, Alex, negative/traumatic/frightening things that occur during ones formative years have a huge impact upon a human being. Perhaps not right there and then because right there and then, no matter how dreaful and frightened one might feel, you automatically cope because you do not have a choice.

But later on in life there can be a resurgance of fear and terror. PTSD first came to light after it was noticed that after battle, when the war was over for them, when they could stop doing what they had to do, weary, traumatised soldiers began to indicate  signs of panic and anxiety, agitation and depression. And thus the link was made.

Reading back on your earlier posts perhaps all things considered you might be suffering from PTSD as opposed to AD. Whilst the end result is the same there is a fine line between the two.

What does not differ is the approach towards  dealing with them. Alex, have you discussed everything you are experiencing, physically, with your GP?

Because if not you need to. It would still be worth going back and informing him you are finding it stressful coping with the physical symptoms. And if he prescribed meds do not fear them. They will help dear.

Please keep in touch! xxx

 

12

Hello dear

It doesn't sound silly at all Alex. Now then, I don't know if what you witnessed with your Dad impacted upon you to the extent that your AD symptoms mimic them. I will say this, when my Dad keeled over one Christmas and died later that day in the Intensive Care, I developed an irrational fear of fainting. i was constantly light-headed.I was constantly believing that if I did faint, if I "Let Go" so to speak, I would die right there and then.

At the time I didn't see the association between what happened to my Dad and my resulting Ad symptom. It took me a long time to make the link because rational thinking and Ad at times do not go hand in hand, do they?

Having said that, the symptoms you are experiencing are holding you fast in a state of suspended fear. Now then, my advice, to put your mind at rest, is go right back to the GP and tell him. A liver function test is a simple procedure. It can be done either by the GP himself or the practice nurse. All it requires is a fine needle and a small amount of blood withdrawn from the arm and sent for testing.

I doubt very much you have a malfunctioning liver. But peace of mind for you would be priceless, Alex. Once you make that "link" once you realize why you have nothing to fear, then that fear will loosen it's grip upon you.

You will be able to reassure yourself, say to yourself, What happened with my Dad was awful. I loved him. It's no wonder I have, as it were, developed "sympathy" symptoms.

I will add that where I was concerned I was dwelling and brooding far too much and far too often upon my Dad's last few months of life preceeding his keeling over and the terrible day spent in Intensive Care with him. I had forgotten the many good and happy years. That's where my mind should have been concentrating.  That's the memories I should have been nursing. The one's that matter.

What happened with your Dad, was painfully sad and I don't doubt you felt helpless and frightened. But the poor man was ill and one has to feel compassion for all he endured. But....we cannot change the past, Alex. We cannot look back and think, If only!

Remember the years up until his illness. They are the ones that matter. That was the time of your "real" Dad. All that followed from you being aged 14-20?  was beyond his control and yours. Remember the man he was before his illness. Look back on happier times, memories that make you smile.

At the moment you are stuck in a fear cycle, held fast by the bad memories in your Dad's last years. As a parent I can say I would not want my sons to think of my "ending" whatever that might be. I would want them to remember the "real" me, just as when my Mum died of cancer I look back on the Mum I had for years, before her cancer changed her.

I am sad beyond words that you are suffering. You are so young! But there is a path out of it, Alex. I urge you to ask for a Liver Function Test. And you know I will always be here for you, don't you? I'm sorry I did not respond sooner but your post only appeared in my inbox a few minutes ago....sigh..

Anytime, over any thing big or small, email me, okay?

Big hugs, big, big hugsxxxxHelen

 

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Oh, I am a silly sod! Looking back on your posts I see you have had blood testing for your liver! Sorry, Alex.

Have the results come back yet?  Because if they have and are clear then this is AD tied up with all that you saw your poor Dad go through. Once we know it's forward planning, Alex. Please keep me in the loop, okay? xxx

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Oh dear, moderated response. Sigh. I responded with an apology, Alex, because looking back on your posts I see you have had a Liver Function blood test. Have the results come back? If they have and you are clear then all this is tied up with your Ad ignited by what happened with your Dad. Please keep me in the loop, Alex, okay? xxx