Dr has increased me up to 40mg citalopram and given me 40mg propranolol

Treatment and medication
1

Hi All,

Last time I was on here i had ben increased to 30mg of citalopram. Since last Monday the Dr has increased it to 40 mg and 40 mg of propranolol. I can honestly say I am not feeling better. The anxiety is worse in the morning, like a hot rush going through my body an does not ease. I have rang the Dr and I have been told he will ring back later. Is there something I can ask for to help to take the edge off this feeling? I really can't go on no more. I have been on cit for 2 months now, I just dont feel the same person like I used to be. Im 30 on this Friday and have not got anything planned. My friends are asking what I want to do and all I want to do is hide...Still struggling!!

2

I got started on citalopram just over 3 weeks ago, I had to take diazepam to start with especially in the morning to take the edge off my panic feelings, but I've not needed one for the past week. I still feel anxious and the mornings are bad, I get foggy and on edge. I still try and do stuff though, a walk makes me feel much better, I bought a bike and although it doesn't seem like it, seeing friends will help!!! I'd rather feel anxious but try and live some kind of life rather than be stuck in the house scared to do anything!! I'm going to stick the citalopram for another few weeks but if I still don't feel myself I'm going to discuss coming off them with my gp, I'm also starting cbt next Monday so hopefully that will help, but for the moment get on with things, keep busy!! X

3

Hi Clarra,

Thanks for your reply. It really hard isint. I don't think my Dr will prescribe me diazepam. but when he ring me later I am going to ask as I cant keep going on like this. I work full time, can't afford to take time off work and my work is getting effected. I can honestly say if this is all life has to offer id rather not be here. It no fun no more. I keep smiling and try to put a face on, but inside I'm not living just exsisting x

4

It sounds like maybe citalopram is not the right drug for you. I would be honest with the doctor if you aren't feeling better. My doctor gave me clonopin to go with the citalopram because I was having issues with anxiety, perhaps you can get some of that. It's very calming but I can still work and function if I take it. And it's less addicting than other benzos. Good luck!

5

These meds can take 3-4 months to stabilise in your system, sometimes longer.  It's not a week by week improvement, but more like month by month.  Each time you increase your dose you will get side effects again.  You have to wait for each dose to stabilise before you can tell if it needs increasing or not.  It will be an uncomfortable ride ...... a really, really uncomfortable ride.  There really is nothing to take the edge off except keeping busy, exercise, go for a walk ........ we've all had to get through this and know exactly how you're feeling.

Once through all this, things should start improving - but again that'll be month by month again.  It's a long slow process but so worth the wait.

K x

6

Hi Kate,

Thanks for your reply. You are right, they can take a while to get into the system. When I saw the lovely Dr last Monday she said I'm getting worse. Hence putting me up to 40 mg. It like hell, and i know I sound selfish, I just want it all to stop and be instant. We are all very fragile and the wait is too much. I do excercise, I work full time, and can't afford to take time off and take care of my self as I'm scared I will get saked. I just don't know how much more I can take, I'm a shell of my self, like a scared person and jumpy at everything. I will keep taking them, as not to will defeate the object of them. This weekend I slept most of it and that is not like me, I like to sleep, but my word I slept through. Still waitinf for the Dr to ring, I dont know too muh about these beta blockers, are the fast acting or will I have to wait for them to get inot my system? I've just took one now. I have been on them for a week, so maybe that why I'm so tired or the upage in the dosage? I heard that you get numb to feelings, I was crying on Saturday, is that a sign they are not working? I know I sound negative, but I'm tired of feeling like this x

7

It does make you feel negative because it's so relentless, never giving you time to take a deep breath in and relax.  It's the most dreadful illness I've ever had - scary, emotional, depressing ....... and so much more.

I wouldn't say the meds numb you, but you certainly do stop crying after a while.  Some people say they can't cry anymore, but it didn't affect me, but it brought me back to my normal emotions.

At the moment your nerves are so raw and any provocation of any sort will make them jangle even more ..... making you anxious, cry, feel scared, depressed, sometimes hear noise more acutely and think think, think so your mind is never still etc etc., all of which makes you feel very tired and weird.

I was only ever on 20mg which I recovered on after 15 years being ill.  It took a few months for the meds to stabilise in which time I was crawling the wall, phoning my doctor, sobbing, sleeping and felt I couldn't go on anymore with the illness.  I've now been well for 15 years.

Sometimes a particular dose can be too high for you and it is unfortunately trial and error getting it right just for you.  Depression and anxiety is a serious illness and your employers should grant you time off as they would for any other illness.

Its good to sleep, and if you need to then let your body have as much as it can - it needs it.  You are recovering, and like any other illness, it will take time and you need to look after yourself well.  Keep up the exercise, it'll burn off the excess adrenaline which makes you feel anxious.

Keep on with the medication and in time you'll find you'll start to feel camer, lighter and happier.  It'll happen each month, very slowly.  One thing to remember is when you start feeling really well you can be hit by a bout of depression again - don't worry, as again it's part of recovery.  Let it be there, carry on and it'll go.  You may get lots of these bouts, but they get less intense each time.  They're sort of blips.

Ive never taken the beta blockers, so am not sure how they feel.  They could of course be adding to the tiredness, but the Citalopram does make you feel,tired.  It should right itself eventually.

I really feel for you, having gone through this myself.  I never, ever thought I'd be free of it, and am so thankful to this medication.

Remember, however ill you feel now, the medication is working in the background and will eventually bring you to a much happier place.  Just lots and lots of patience....... xx

K x

8

Hi Kate,

What a lovely message. Thank you. Hearing your wise words are very comforting. Everything you mentioned is so true. I truley believe that you are born with depression and you live with it and think that is the way of life. As long as I can rememebr I used to have down weeks and month and thought they were a normal part of life, till I hit rock bottom a few months ago and could not carry on. It crazy that they take so long to work and all you want is instant peace. I'm counting down the hours now to finish work so I can get home and be amongst my things where I feel safe. All I want like everyone else is a peace of mind. People can't see mental health and they don't know how bad people suffer. It nice to have friends who are there, they are being very paitience with me, as I cant fathom doing anything sociable at the moment like going to pub which I used to enjoy doing. I am going to force my self to go out on Friday as it my 30th and a couple of friends and my boyfriend. It mad as in March I was planning on going to Paris for my 30th. No way would I be up to that at this moment in time.

Thanks again Kate, the kind words means a lot xxx 

9

Thanks anthony :-)

I wasn't born with depression but was hit with it when I was 20.  Some children get it for some reason too, and yes it seems normal to you if you've never felt any other way.  Everyone who gets it all have a different story to tell, but whatever it is we all seem to end up in the same dark, scary place.  Often stress causes it.  Many people thrive on stress, but we all have a tipping point and some reach that quicker than others.  If our stress triggers are pushed time after time, eventually it'll tip over and you're vulnerable to all manner of fears, thoughts, anxiety etc.  Some people do have lower levels of serotonin (our happy hormone) and this medication works on this hormone.

No, you can't see depression - it's a silent illness as many don't talk about it either.  Many people think it's feeling blue, fed up, but we know it's nothing like this at all and the reality is much worse than the description.  Luckily it's more recognised now and treatment is so much better than it used to be.  

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It's good you have friends who understand.  It's hard to think straight when you're ill as our minds are so busy thinking of our symptoms constantly.

Hope you get to go and enjoy your birthday drink on Friday.  Even if it's just for a short time, it'll be nice to get out with friends and your boyfriend.  Paris can wait for another day maybe ;-)

Happy birthday by the way :-) 

K x

10

Hi Kate,

Thanks for taking your time to reply. You sound like you have been through it all and come out one happy person. It gives me hope. 

I don't deal with stress well, and I'm a sort or person I never ask people for help. I tend to do things on my own. When I moved apartment 3 motnhs ago, I did it all on my own. I've been living in Manchester since I was 18 and did it all off the cuff and all my famly are back in Wales. I'm at that age where all my mates are having babies and have their own familys and problems so I tend to bottle things up. The anxiety was just as bad this morning, and the Dr never rang me back yesterday, which had made me more anxious to ring this morning incase the same lady picks up the phone x

11

No I don't deal with stress well either.  I'm generally a very calm person, but when stress occurs I do tend to flap a bit :-(  Yes, bottling things up isn't good really ...... help to talk things through with others, but that's not always so easy to do.

Anxiety will be bad in the mornings ...... but it doesn't always mean that's how it'll be for the rest of the day.  When I recovered, mornings were the last thing that disappeared.  Maybe an early morning exercise regime may help?

Yes it does make you uneasy when your phone call isn't returned.  Ah doctors receptionists eh ..... ;-)

Try and tick off each day knowing that's one more day nearer to getting better.

K x

 

12

Hi Kate,

Thanks for your reply. I ran them back today and it was the same lady. She said they were rigning the old number and I said i gave the new one to you twice yesterday and how do I get texts on my new number confirming appointment. What a cop out. Any way, the nice lady dr who dignosed me, and I will only deal with her as she is so sweet and understanding and makes me calm. She rang me back and she knew where I was at and rememebr things what I said to her (Im not sue if it was on her screen) but it was nice to not have to repeat things and she rememebred that I had a pannic attack on the bus last week, and the call felt personal and not just Hi and bye sort of thing. I did say that the saddness is lifting and I'm sleeping a bit better, but I have always been a light sleeper. I just said my anxiety is through the roof and I cant keep on. she said to take 3 beta blockers a day not at the same time and she will give me a few dizepam to see if that calms me in the morning.

So i've just sent an email to my manager to see if I can leave a bit early and do my hours up, no reply and I know he seen it as it come back as read, that getting my anxious now. I know I am over reacting, but i guess that what being an anxious person is. 

Thanks again for taking your time to reply Kate, it means a lot xx

13

Sounds like you have a really lovely doctor.  Hopefully the beta blockers etc will take the edge off the anxiety.

Interesting you say you feel the sadness if lifting and you're sleeping better.  Remember this meds works very slowly and you see very small changes happening.  This could be a sign already.

Is it possible for you to temporarily work shorter hours whilst you go through this difficult time?  Some employers are very accommodating.  It helps to keep busy, but also it's good to be able to recuperate at home.  I carried on working, though some days were a real struggle, but once at work it did help.  A few times I just couldn't go in and sometimes I had to go home.  Back then I told nobody, as it wasn't something as recognised as today.  So I struggled alone (except for my husband who of course knew).  Now I talk openly about it and it's surprising how many people I know who've also suffered!

It helps talking on this site too - people understand as they've been through it or are still going through it.

Keep in touch :-)

14

You are right, I never thought of it that way as the sadness is lifting, so the meds must be working and like you the final stage was the morning anxiety to go. Do you mind me asking, can you rememebr when did the morning anxiety go for you after being on cit? I wonder why this effects people and it effect people in different ways. For me is the huge rush of hot adrenalin going through my body, I know it all in the mind, but I can really feel it, which makes me panick and a bag of nervous, and I struggle breathing. Will you be on cit for life?

It good to talk and this site is amazing to talk to real survivors and folk that are going through it. Final half hour of work now then it to the surgery I go x

15

Yes it could be the sign of it starting to work.  When you recover on these meds the changes are so very very small you hardly notice them.  As said it's not a week by week change, but more month by month.

I do remember the anxiety in the mornings - that rush of adrenaline exploding in my body, that dreaded feeling.  I started noticing changes around 3-4 months and by 6 months was feeling great.  I think it was around then that the anxiety started disappearing in the mornings - but don't let that worry you, because by then after the early morning dreaded feeling it used to disappear during the day, so though I felt not so good in the mornings I knew it would be gone later on.  Even though it was the last to disappear for me, it wasn't that intense throughout all the time I had it - it slowly eased to until I didn't get it anymore.

A lot of people find that morning anxiety lingers for a while, but of course we're all different.

As I recovered and started feeling not so depressed, I'd get the odd time during the day when I'd feel completely normal and content.  Sometimes when I was out I'd suddenly think omg I haven't thought of 'it' the whole time I've been out.  Sometimes it lasted an hour, or sometimes for the whole evening.  Each morning I'd wake and feel anxious and during the day start to feel happy.  Some days I'd feel really bad all day and some weeks too, but slowly that happy feeling crept back in more and more until I felt like that all the time.  

It it really is a slow process.

Not only have I suffered but my 20 year old son had a breakdown last year which was devastating to us all.  He suffered real bad, maybe worse than I'd done, and I got him onto Fluoxetine through his doctor, an SSRI like Citalopram.  He went through absolute hell and couldn't work for nearly 4 months, and it was around 5 months before he started picking up.

Like you and me and everyone here, he went through exactly the same symptoms of anxiety and depression.  Very emotional to watch my child going through it.  Now he's back to his normal happy self again.

I came off Cit 2 years ago and took a natural SSRI (something else to discuss) :-) but due to my son being so ill last year I restarted Cit as didn't want to get ill again and needed to stay strong for him.  This year I've reduced to 5mg only and all is well.

My doctor said years ago I could stay on them for life if needed to - they're not addictive in any way.  So if you need the medicine, then why not.  They've done me well and am happy to restart them at any time I need to.  For now, the small dose I take is perfect.

K x

 

16

Dear Kate, I'm so sorry to hear about your son. It must have been awful for you to know exactly what he was going through. It pure hell. I'm glad he's on the mend for you and his life is getting back on track. My partner sffers with it, he's on venlafaxine, and he seems fine. I tend not to bring things up with him as I do not want him to get ill, but I know he can relate when I say I am in a bad way. Infact he was the one ho said to me to go to the Dr as he said I never smile no more, like the life had been gone and I was just existing. So kudos to him for that. 

I've been awake since 4am this morning and he said I was crying for my mother in my sleep, big baby I know and I'm 30 on Friday rememebr but me and my mam are very close. It the anxiety it crippling.

Heres to another day, 

Thanks you Kate xx