Drink cos I'm fed up, fed up cos I drink - Can't win!! :-(

General health and lifestyle
1

I've been telling myself that it's fine, I'm only young, what's a few drinks a night etc etc but I am not any happier for it. Every morning I wake up feeling massive guilt. Guilt that the promise I made to myself of not drinking that night - I broke. Guilt that I haven't lost weight this week like I promised myself I would. It's just a domino effect of failings. 

So, I am a wife and a mother of 2 beautiful daughters (11 & 5).I am a stay at home mum and for the majority of it, have loved it but lately I am feeling very understimulated  and seem to drink more in the evenings when feeling this way.

For about two years now I have been drinking most nights, I drink white wine - 1-2 bottles a night. I can go days without it but I do that reluctantly and when I do I seem to get quite emotional, feel very irritable and feel its a bit of a struggle. The thing is, I have alcohol in the house such as beer, vodka, brandy, shots etc but none of them phase me - I don't even acknowledge them there cos for me, it's just wine. So if I was an alcoholic, would I drink those too? I don't know?! I'm very confused about it all but I do know that I don't want to feel like this anymore. I've always presumed im ok cos I don't drink in the mornings, I don't have the shakes, I can say no to other alcoholic drinks etc. 

If anyone could offer any advice or friendship on here - I'd be super  grateful. 

Thanks

2

Hi Jean... alcohol come to the 'rescue' for alot of us women.  When you think you are drinking a bit too much, you probably are.  I call it, like alot of other's name it these days, as Alcohol Use Disorder, AUD. The safe and healthy limits for women is about 'standard' drinks a night with a couple of alcohol free days.  If you have trouble stopping at two... you may need to rethink the drink if you don't want it taking over or becoming a worse habit. I have cut down from about 30 drinks per week, to under 10 a week.  You can message me if you want.

3

Oh gosh... I should re read before posting..   about 2 standard drinks on any day seems to be safe, and as I said, a couple of alcohol free days a week. I can now have 2 drinks and stop, whereas 5 months ago, if I started to drink, I could have one or two bottles, like you.  Way way unhealthy and dangerous. 

4

You say you only drink wine...   if you were not to buy wine, would you drink the other stuff you have at home?  Test yourself out, don't buy your favourite white, and see what happens

5

Hi faith - thanks for the reply!

If I don,t buy the wine, no - I don't bother with it at all, it,s of no interest to me. I think this is all being made easier for me to drink because I have a shop that sells alcohol less than 30 seconds from my house. I hate that once the evening comes or it gets to around 5pm it entres my mind and its all i want. Ive gained a stone, i feel horrible in myself and have the chat with myself every single morning - this needs to stop - it's dangerous and then BANG, the time comes and im 1 bottle in and craving another. I hate it! xx

6

You sound so much like me. I have 4 kids and was drinking 2 bottles of wine a night. Every morning just like you I would say the same thing and could go a day or 2 or 3 even a week without it but it would haunt me. I put on about 25lbs (not sure what that is in stones) and kept twlling myself I had to stop but no matter what I tried to do I kept going back.

One day I sat down with my husband and explained that I did not want to do this anymore so I stopped and that was on March 26th, 2017( 8 months ago). And I do not regret it whatsoever. I started to talk to him about my drinking and the more I talked about it the more I realized that it really was not the way most people can drink. I did not have a healthy relationship with alcohol and I don't think I ever will. I have lost weight(17lbs) and I do not feel guilty any more because I can function and I can be there for my kids and family. Lets not even get into the cost of drinking...all that money saved in 8 months well I spend it on actual things now and have something to show for it.

You can pm me if you like. 😊

7

Well done, what  an amazing achievement- you must be so proud of yourself! 

I wake up with guilt but don’t get hangovers much and on the days I don’t drink, i don’t really sleep. I just lay there, wide awake thinking about life. Another annoying side of going sober.

I have spoke to my husband about it, he agrees I should at least cut down for health reasons and I’m thinking cost reasons at least. My wine is £8 a bottle so the money would be nice although I don’t really notice it tbh. 

My main reason for wanting to stop, apart from health is that I don’t feel like the same person anymore. I seek happiness from the bottom of the bottle and have really started to dislike myself in the past 6 months. 

Everyone knows me as loving a drink, that’s started to irritate me but it’s my own fault. Thing is, I don’t want to quit, I want to moderate x

8

Hi Jean, have a look into The Sinclair Method for reducing your desire for alcohol and the need to overdrink, if you choose it is a great way to moderate or stop altogether if you choose that option too.  There is a lot of info about here.  Look up posts by JoannaC3Europe about it.  Hope this helps.

9

Hi Jean...I was once a mother of small children myself....and I only drank beer. I knew I was an alcoholic...but others tried to assure me that I wasn't because I literally back then only drank beer. 

Its great you do not drink in the morningand please don't ever drink in the morning because that will be a BAD turning point for you as it was for me many years ago.

I heard that alcohol would help my hangover...if I drank one in the morning and one night after a party I did that and ever since...20 years later...when I drink...usually I will start in the mornings and continue it throughout the day.

It seems that you are an alcoholic as you are "struggling" to stay away from the wine a few days during the week and then when you cave in you are drinking large amounts...

There are so many questions the medical community asks to help us identify whether or not we are alcoholics but the 2 that really stick out in my mind for you are...

Is alcohol affecting your life in a negative way?  It appears you are troubled by your drinking patterns and you are using alcohol as a crutch to escape an uneasy feeling you have in your body...vs. doing something healthy like exercising etc.

AND

When you start to drink...can you stop after 1-2 glasses of wine? It seems that you can't and you continue to oblivion by drinking 1-2 BOTTLES of wine.

I'm sure you know this but I will repeat it as it is a medical fact and I have unfortunetly learned by experience that alcoholism is progressive.

So with time...if you are unable to stop drinking...your alcohol problem will worsen and the health risks and consequences of drinking will increase and trust me it is not fun..you can read my meeting post I posted this morning to see where the progression of alcohol can take you.

I know that my children missed out on having the "best mother they could have" because of my drinking....

I remember when I stopped drinking for the first time my youngest was 16....

I remember him laying on my bed and talking to me and I was looking in his eyes and really hearing what he was saying for the first time at that moment I realized how much my drinking had stolen from our relationship.

One of my children had open heart surgery...looking back I was SO lucky that there was never an emergency in the middle of the night with him that i had to wake up and be "present"...cause I don't think I could have....drinking 12-16 beers a night.

And there was a time that my oldest was in the hospital from a drug overdose and his father woke me up and said we had to go immediately...I was so groggy and still drunk from drinking that night and I asked his father to wait for me to have a couple of beers so that we could go to the hospital because I could not get out of the bed because I had gotten so trashed the night before.

 

His father left me at home and went to the hospital without me and my son was crying for his "mother" at the time...sick children want their Moms...My son has never forgiven me for that.

So many negative things can happen with continued drinking and progression these are just 2 of my examples.

The good thing is..you have acknowledged that you might have a problem with alcohol...and once we acknowledge something we can start taking steps to remedy the problem.

It is not an easy battle...but it possible...if you really want to "fight" this problem you will do it when your ready.

There are methods such as meetings and/or medication that can help you to stop drinking.....when you are ready and convinced that you need help....you will do it.

and please don't ever drink in the morning because that will be a BAD turning point for you as it was for me many years ago.

I heard that alcohol would help my hangover...if I drank one in the morning and one night after a party I did that and ever since...20 years later...when I drink...usually I will start in the mornings and continue it throughout the day.

It seems that you are an alcoholic as you are "struggling" to stay away from the wine a few days during the week and then when you cave in you are drinking large amounts...

There are so many questions the medical community asks to help us identify whether or not we are alcoholics but the 2 that really stick out in my mind for you are...

Is alcohol affecting your life in a negative way?  It appears you are troubled by your drinking patterns and you are using alcohol as a crutch to escape an uneasy feeling you have in your body...vs. doing something healthy like exercising etc.

AND

When you start to drink...can you stop after 1-2 glasses of wine?

It seems that you can't and you continue to oblivion by drinking 1-2 BOTTLES of wine.

I'm sure you know this but I will repeat it as it is a medical fact and I have unfortunately learned by experience that alcoholism is progressive.

So with time...if you are unable to stop drinking...your alcohol problem will worsen and the health risks and consequences of drinking will increase and trust me it is not fun..you can read my meeting post I posted this morning to see where the progression of alcohol can take you.

I know that my children missed out on having the "best mother they could have" because of my drinking....

I remember when I stopped drinking for the first time my youngest was 16....

I remember him laying on my bed and talking to me and I was looking in his eyes and really hearing what he was saying for the first time at that moment I realized how much my drinking had stolen from our relationship.

One of my children had open heart surgery...looking back I was SO lucky that there was never an emergency in the middle of the night that i had to wake up and be "present"...cause I don't think I could have....drinking 12-16 beers a night.

And there was a time that my oldest was in the hospital from a drug overdose and his father woke me up and said we had to go immediately...

I was so groggy and still drunk from drinking that night and I asked his father to wait for me to have a couple of beers so that we could go to the hospital because I could not get out of the bed because I had gotten so trashed the night before. 

His father left me at home and went to the hospital without me and my son was crying for his "mother" at the time...sick children want their Moms...My son has never forgiven me for that.

So many negative things can happen with continued drinking and progression these are just 2 of my examples.

The good thing is..you have acknowledged that you might have a problem with alcohol...and once we acknowledge something we can start taking steps to remedy the problem.

It is not an easy battle...but it possible...if you really want to "fight" this problem you will do it when your ready.

There are methods such as meetings and/or medication that can help you to stop drinking.....when you are ready and convinced that you need help....you will do it.

Keep posting...don't be "ashamed" that is what places like this are for...to get stuff off your chest and to not feel "alone".

Trust me you are not alone....alcohol use is a BIG problem and i hear the UK is especially impacted by this disease/condition.

I also know from reading this page that the UK is not that advanced in their compassion skills for helping those that struggle with alcohol.

But there ARE compassionate people on this website.

My best to you.