Can't seem to stop taking my propanolol tonight. Taken far more than I should (don't worry not enough to OD or anything) just hoping it will knock me out.
So alone, so stuck in this depression rut. Meds aren't helping, therapy isn't helping, life is rubbish. What is the point?
Oh well, cheers!
Got any hobbies?
Tried, went travelling, climbed a mountain, did all of the things I used to enjoy for a period of time - got absolutely nothing from any of it. No enjoyment, more nothingness. I have tried everything there is to try but, not everyone can recover from depression, not pessimistic, just statistics.
Really feel for you on all levels.
I too am on meds that aren't working, 9 month to a year waiting list for the therapy I need, cervical smear highly abnormal so I have that to deal with. Add in a disabled partner and yes, I'm drinking too much.
My thoughts are; obviously drinking too much/ taking too many pills is bad, you know that, I know that, everyone knows that.
I am doing it though.
Because you know what? It's better than the alternative. If I can numb or block my pain enough tonight to get through tomorrow then that's a win for me/
I'm not advocating self medicating, I'm just saying a lot if us do it, and sometimes it actually helps pull you through to a better day.
Keep on striving my lovely. Thinking of you and keep safe xxx
What about swimming?
No offence but, eh? xx
Aw Audrey I really hope everything is ok for you healh wise! I'm sure it will be xx
I am lucky with my counsellor she has even suggested an extensionof ourr meetings but, I don't know, I'm hard to work with maybe!
It's sad to say but 'self medicating' does provide relief. Last week I drank a lot and smoked so much marijuana, but, I can honestly say, that night I felt so relaxed, so content...I can't feel that way without help from these sources! Which is sad, but true. If I have to smoke and drink and take a few pills to finally get some sleep or finally get the weight off, is it really that bad? I know it's not the way but, short term, it helps.
I'm sad to hear that you are struggling Audrey, your situation sounds very difficult and you do in fact sound incredibly brave and strong! It's inspirational xx
Has swimming helped you with your depression or any other sport?
Sorry it's not you it's me.
I'm a cynical c*w who has heard the exercise helps view so often, I know it helps a lot of people and that is AMAZING.
I guess when you've tried every medication/therapy/exercise on offer, exercise seems to seem like a cruel joke of a cure (I know that's not how you intended it).
My issues, not yours.
Much love and best wishes xx
I used to swim competitively actually, I don't swim now because I have too many, too obvious self harm scars which throws my anxiety over the edge and I go into a panic attack.
Hi Sudrey - really appreciate your comment. It is so very much I believe what a lot of people who are depressed feel. I have had depression most of my life and there have been periods of time when nothing seems to be right and lots of difficult things are happening and then i decide to have some wine. And sometimes it really helps me to relax and unwind and I can think a bit better. I know it is not the answer but my god it can sometimes be a blessing to sit and have a good bottle of wine and just let it all go. thanks
Ok. It's how you feel at the end of the day.
Hi i agree Jenny a couple of drinks can calm things down, but a couple too many can make things worse too try not to use alcohol as a crutch as it is a depressant. 2 wines a day is safe and relaxing. I dont drink anymore at all I use to though, But depression is bad enough for me without adding alcohol problems to it. Take care and be kind to yourself
I try fitness dvds. They keep the adrenaline going.
Hello Fee, I am sorry your feeling so low. You give so much support to others on here, i also, yet we are stuck in our own ruts of depression and unhappiness. I am low myself so am not able to advice but just knowing that we can come here and know that we can get support is a great help. I realise that nobody can take our pain away, meds, therapy or people. Thou for some meds and therapy can help too a point. I stopped my meds and don't intend on taking them again. I have the added problem of being partially disabled, mobility is poor so cannot get about easily. Have arthritis and nuropathic pain. I live alone and crave company at times. If you have one positive thought for today know that you are unique and special!!
Big hugs.
Elizabeth xx
I am with you 100% on that Audrey. I would not advocate self medication either.....but if it is an alternative to suicide, why not? I guess you could call it a form of slow suicide if it carries on, but during that time something could come along to change things. As long as it isn't hurting anyone else....why not?
Sending hugs to both you and Fee. Try to stay strong and hope for that miracle.
Love,
Pat. xxxxxx
Yes thanks for that. Yes agreed - i tend to have a couple watching strictly or the Voice -as I can have a bit of a snooze on a Sunday. i was once told that if i fancied some wine that I should but the most expensive one that I can afford as it has less of something nasty in it. Cannot remember what it is. So then you can savour it and drink it slowly and in a measured way. This does cheer me up. I have on occassions had a couple of fingers of good scotch and that is preety good. At my worst I cannot really drink much I tend to go tobed early and read in a compulsive way, (thrillers with lots of activity. I thhink it was Andrew Taylor? who said in his brilliaat book 'the Noonday Demon that sometimes people who are depressed will drink as it just cannot worsen how they already feel. This I can understand and was probably more like this in my thirties and forties. I am now in fifites so the body does not metabolise so well. Yes it is allways best to find something a bit healthier to do when really low - but someimes the moment gets you and indeed it can become a medicine. I think it is always a good idea to keep some sort of medication and alcohol diary - sort of CBT thing to see if there are particular events that are increasing the desire to drink or eat too much or whatever, though I know this is the hardeset thing to do when you are in a very bad place. J
Thanks Audrey
I've had a bad day for lots of reasons, my sleeping is shot to hell, I'm drinking to much, taking codeine and diazepam, and somehow your words just connected to me, so a big thanks. Its good to know otherrs are going though this sh*t too. I'm bipolar II with anxiety by the way.
LIzzie
Aw, Elizabeth I am sorry to hear that you too are going through a rough patch. It's difficult with depression, it's always there but when it wants to it can rage through you for very long periods of time. Horrible periods of time.
Do you feel better off the meds than when you were on them? I've been so careless with all mine that a part of me thinks I should slowly stop, I'm either taking far too many or not taking them at all. Not good.
I'm sorry to hear about your poor health, I suppose that is the good thing about these sites, even when we are feeling lonely we can reach out so far without having to go anywhere and that is a lovely and very helpful thing x
Hello Fee,
I did have Citalopram for about 12 months the last time and it helped with the paic attacks and anxiety. When i felt better instead of staying on the pills i decided to wean off them myself. I have not regretted doing so as the panic attacks have stayed away, the anxiety is manageable. The depression is the battle but at the moment i can cope without pills.
These forums are a great support and knowing that others understand is a comfort.
Wishing you the best.
Elizabeth. xx