DWP Medical

Brain and nerves
1

I went to my DWP Medical at long last on Friday.  I worked myself up for a few weeks over it, and made myself 10 times worse.  How silly i was, because the man I saw was the nicest I've ever come across at the dreaded DWP office.  He was kind, unjudgemental and very nice and supportive to me.  It was late afternoon, which is when I look my utmost worst and when I got home afterwards, I was physically and mentally drained and just got into bed.  It took me all day yesterday to get over it too.

I feel very positive about it though, and feel sure that he will put me onto the Support Group for ESA - which is obviously where I belong.  I have been in the Work-related ESA group since June 2013, but i spend most days in the week in bed or having to lie down, so there's sadly no way I could hold down any kind of job. I feel very sheepish about not working, especially because most people make me feel dreadful about not working.  I have over 36 years of full-time work behind me, often holding down 2 jobs throughout the 1990's, so I shouldn't be made to feel guilty, but i can't help it, especially as I come from a work-ethic family. I was told it'll take 2 to 3 weeks for my outcome to go through, but I honestly feel that it went in my favour.  However, watch this space!!!!! If I have failed, I will HAVE to appeal.  But I hope it doesn't come to that as I couldn't go through with it alone.

Best wishes to everyone else who is put through this awful experience, and even more best wishes to everyone with this dreadful illness, which of course, can attack anyone at any time.

I love this website because everyone is the same boat and is very supportive.  thank you to everyone. xx

2

Congrats, great news! Glad it went well.

& totally feel how you feel, when I was off sick I felt awful and judged, still not totally come to terms with it because I'm trying to hold down a part time job when it isn't in the best interests of my health! Then again I am 23, felt too guilty and depressed at home when my peers and siblings are out achieving, but we'll see how it goes.

Hope you get the outcome you want and deserve! smile

3

Hi,

I just want to comment on what you said about other people 'making' you feel dreadful about not working - they dont yuo do......no-one can 'make' you feel but they can tap into what yhou already feel about something.

I have a strong work ethic and until I sorted out my feelings of guilt and shame about being ill and not being able to work I remained stuck in a very harsh and lonely place.  I continually 'rushed' back to work as soon as at all possible  only to have to take more time off a few wks later as I really wasnt fit enoug to work.  This led me to crash totally and be unable to work at all.

With the help of CBT i was able to address my 'selftalk' and feelings about illness/work and really life in general...I didnt immediatly improve but this did set me on a better path to health.  I now work full time...I have recently had to take time off again and this time instead of ruching back to work as soon as I started to feel better I took a little extra time off until I felt much better and really ready to go back.. it means ignoring the thoughts of letting my colleagues down/what will they think etc.

I have learnt that if i treat myself with compassion - not the same as feeling self pity - others will too..

I wish you well

kind regards

Julia

4

Isn't it amazing how often our pesky 'feelings' beat us up...and we blame it on others....the more I take responsiblility for my own feelings the less others thoughts affect me...thats not to say that I ignore others...just that I don't take on board negative comments about my situation.

I have no interest in judging others and no inteerst in being judged by others...the more positive i am towards myself and others the more this is reflected back.

Others too have problems with illhealth on occcassions and there is common ground in this...just because ihave a chronic condition it doesn't need to isolate me from others ...unless I let it and become too self absorbed......I am  learning - it is a continuous process -  to use my energy to help myself, to take care of myself and remain open minded to anything that might help me in this process.

Kind regards

Julia

5

Hi Ellie, 

Thank you so much for your comments and well wishes, they mean a lot. I always try to be optimistic about things, but sometimes it gets difficult.  It is awful that you're having to work part-time, when you are clearly very poorly.  We shouldn't have to let other people rule us should we.  But at very nearly 56, I still take notice of people's comments.  I am a bit of a rebel at heart too, and am not prone to following orders, but end up a blubbering wreck when people judge me or make snide comments!!!!

You take care, and if things get too much for you, listen to your body.

I know it's sometimes a little easier when you are younger, to plod on and of course you're physically fitter, but don't let anyone make your health worse.  Good on you though for carrying on at work, you're to be admired.  Thanks again for your well wishes. x

 

6

Hi,glad it went well,I will keep my fingers crossed for you,I'm still dizzy and its been 6 weeks now I havnt worked and been in bed lots,Im hoping I don't need a medical check to be signed off work as how do I prove I'm dizzy,maybe managers at work can write me a letter as they know how much I'm desperate to go bk,take care lisa

7

Hi Val,

I was only thinking about how you'd got on this morning but, could nt access posts for some reason? Am glad to hear It was better than expected and as you say, hopefully you will be put In the support group soon.

Best wishes

B

8

Hi Julia,

Thank you for your reply.  Yes I agree, it is only YOU who can change things.  I have always been very much like you, and gone back way beofre I should have, to work.  Then crashing later and having to take more time off.  I certainly don't wallow in self-pity, and hate anyone who pities me.  But people I find, do tend to 'make' me feel the way I feel, humans can be very nasty creatures, especially when they don't understand things.

Back in 1998 I collapsed literally with Glandular fever and was signed off work for 3 weeks.  My supervisor forced me back to work and my usual 10 minutes walk home, took me over an hour. I should have listened to my GP, but my bosses thought otherwise.  Consequently i went back too soon, and suffered 4 more bouts of Glandular Fever later, over the next 10 years.  No doubt, this was some reason to why I got M.E. in 2010 without a shadow of a doubt.

So I believe we should listen to our own bodies, not bullies who want to ruin you completely.

I think that I get upset when people are condescending or nasty about my M.E. because I am already fragile in mind and body through the illness.  Luckily most of my friends and family understand M.E. now, but it has taken them about 3 to 4 years to get to this point.

All I hope is that I get onto the Support group of ESA, and then I can relax more and concentrate on getting myself better, and ignoring anyone with negative comments.

 

9

l had always worked and been active, growing up in the 50s it was unaccpetable not to work unless retired or seriously ill, and neighbours would let you know, as with other social failings, though they did care and support those around them, doing jobs for them, helping with child care, and  as it happened there was plenty of jobs and school got everyone a job on leaving. l married later and when my husband lost his job through health prob we got a shop to run between us. Then the dreaded health probs started for me, frequent severe pain, disabling at worst, debilitating all the time, fatigue,other symptoms, consquences on lifestyle, relationship, friends, social life, home, pets, endless affects, but l,d a patient and supportive partner most of time, helped. l tried to get ib dla, exam fell on day where symptoms were not too bad, and l was totally honest with docs, never put act on, as lve known some do who were quite active when it suited them and with success, makes it worse for those with genuine probs.   l,d little if any support from gp, being he,d not diagnosed and also misdiagnosed, re hormone, gyny, phycalogical, l was rejected for help, devastating, to feel so bad and then rejected for any support, slap in the face, but a local group did support and attend appeals,  but also l wasnt assertive enough with gp, but we got by, just,  and many years later l did finally get diagnosis of intersticial cystitus, other immunue type linked  inflammatory conditions,, but meds  helped 90percent symptoms, Several years later l was diagnosed with cancer, despite the symptoms being nowhere near as bad re pain, ill health,  fatigue, as they,d been for immune inflammation probs prior,, not saying its same for all, for me it was.  l was inundated with help support, the gp called unrequested, nurse, support worker, benafits person called filled in forms for me, got me ib dla no probs, whilst the treatment and steroids that go along with it, actually boosted me, and l did respond well to treatment and now clear of it. Seems much is to do with the type title of illness, more than the actual symptoms and drastic  affects on your lifestyle.  Now with age some symptoms of pelvic pain fatigue and poorer health have returned, and  little energy, enough to get out for short spells lesser distances, but stamina gone, though thankfully lve  never become bedbound with it. No one suffers as much as the  person,its so frustrating, boring, whilst energy a great  buzz, many take for  granted, and stamina a blessing.  

as if anyone would want to choose spending their days debilitated.  But you cant help what others think, some cant relate to anything but their own state, some learn in time when something bad happens to them,

Good you got someone with empathy, and hope you are successful, if not get local support,  Best wishes

10

Hi Lisa,

Thank you for your kind words.  Isn't being dizzy horrible. I had that last week, and was staggering about like I was drunk!!!  Luckily I was indoors when it happened.

I hope you get over it soon, and can get back to normal and back to your job - which sounds as though you love it. It would be horrible to lose such a job, so keep positive. You take care too, Val x

11

I have recently changed jobs and it has made me realise what a bullying attitude there was in my last place of work...the sickness policy was harsh and compounded by senior staff attitude. 

Thanks for you reply as it made me realise how much gentler the atmosphere is where I now work- still nhs but different Hospital -  and problaby how much stronger I am becoming...

12

Hi Beverley,

Thank you very much indeed for your well wishes and support, which is really nice and positive.

You take care as well, and I hope you're enjoying this lovely sunny day? Well it's sunny down in Portsmouth, so i hope it is where you are too? x

13

Hi Lynne,

thank you for your reply and kind words.  God you've been through hell haven't you.  I am so glad that you are now pulling through.  I hope that continues, and you sound like a strong person, so fingers crossed your health won't get worse.  Cancer is a dreadful thing, and my younger sister battled with breast cancer form 2013, but thank god, after treatment, was given the 'all-clear' this year.

Some people do put on ailments don't they, and of course, they make it worse for genuinely ill people. I have a friend who actually relishes being ill and having operations as she has tons of people fussing around her etc!! I can't bear to be fussed over. But I think those like my pal, obviously have something missing in their lives - probably love? I love her no matter what she does, and so do her other pals, but she really does relish being ill!! 

I don't think anyone in life just sails through with a constantly happy life or constant wellness, but some suffer more I guess.

I am really glad to hear that you now have support from various people, and it's a shame you had to get cancer for that to happen.  I hope the support continues for you and that you remain positive and strong.  Take care, and thanks again for your kind words.

14

Hi there (and to everyone else),

I have been off the site for sometime now as I have had personal family issues which have had an impact on my health unfortunately.  However, I have tried to log on and read up on some of the discussions.

I am so pleased your interview went well, good for you.  I appreciate how you feel because I feel exactly the same that people, even family look at me and think you could be working.  I am 51 and have worked 34 years and never been unemployed until 2014.  I had a major relapse in 2013 and was very ill.  Long story short I had a wonderful boss who understood my illness and could not be more supportive.  He left and the woman who took his place did not even register the fact that I had a CFS/ME.  So it came about I was working unsupported and having to take more time of sick.  I was then brought before a capability assessment and the organisation tried hard to get rid of me because of my sick leave.  However, I opted to take redundancy as the whole department was going through a re-organisation at the time and it seemed the easiest thing for me to do as I could not take anymore stress.  However, too little to late.  I was so ill.  I had to have counselling, CBT and anything else that was offered to me.  It was a mine field for me to work through the benefit system and if it had not been for a close friend and work colleague, I think I would have failed.  However, I managed to get PIP, and ESA and was placed in the support group this year, and yes I worked myself up into a state as well.  Like you I spend most of my days in the house or bed, depending on how things are.  If I manage to get out I which is rare then I pay for it within in day or two and become bedbound.  Some people are just clue less and you try and explain and you can tell they either don't believe you or think you are milking it.  I know it is horrible, but sometimes I just wish they could feel how we feel.  I curl myself up some days with a heat pad and cry with pain, but they don't see that.

I too am struggling with not working, and get very lonely being at home all day by myself.  I suppose I am one of the lucky ones as I have a husband and have company when he finishes work.  I do miss the hum-drum of the office though as I am a people's person and talking to the cat does not quite cut it for me although I love him dearly.

Fingers crossed you get in the support group and if you don't then don't give in we are all right behind you.

Best wishes

Txx

15

I am really glad to hear that you've changed your job and are now in a nicer environment, good on you girl. If there's one thing I abhor, it's bullies. It seems like companies want blood from their staff these days. My youngest sister worked for the NHS a few years ago, and she was unmercifully bullied. luckily she kept every scrap of evidence, took them to a Tribunal and won and got £thousands from them in compensation!!!!  

But I am so glad to hear that you have lovely colleagues now. It certainly goes a long way in getting stronger in your mind and body, when you have lovely people around you and supporting you, rather than bullying you eh.  Long may that continue for you.

I would dearly love to have my own business.  I tried last year, by making or altering wedding dresses, but couldn't sell one!!!  I have 5 wedding dresses in my cupboard now - and I'm beginning to feel like an exaggerated version of Miss Haversham!!!! LOL!!!

I wanted to work from home as i find it nigh on impossible to go out to work, and I'd be a very kind and considerate boss too.  I have been a supervisor in a few office jobs, and my staff worked incredibly well as I believe in laughter and compassion at work - it goes a heck of a long way to have happy staff, rather than miserable staff who can't wait for the weekend to come round!!

Maybe one day, i'll come up with a better idea for my own business? Or maybe one day, I might just be able to shift those wedding dresses out of my closets!!!!!  Take care, and best of wishes in your new job too. x

16

Hi Val,

No, not sunny here but I'm on a rest day anyway : ) I quite like the October grey sky as it contrasts so nicely with the leaf colours. I had a busy day yesterday having family together for my daughter's birthday so, am being good and laying down. Not enough energy for anything bigger than texting today but, currently, not as exhausted as Friday? ? What a curious condition this is!

Glad you have some sunshine with you. Are you near the beach there? I love the sea. I live on a street with the river at one end and the canal at the other. I find that its good for me to sit by either, just listening to the water sometimes. Hope yr day is going well.

B

17

l, like your sis have been lucky in getting all clear with c, and like you dont like people fussing me, whereas my mum, who l loved and miss, was a terrible attention seeker, fesity little irish women  loved people making a fuss of her, she near demanded it at times, l was never or had  the `cheer leader` type character, no right or wrong, just the characters we have. l,d have loved a sister, just got a pesky brother, older, so glad to hear your sis now well, amazing improvements in cancer treatment and success, whilst immune and inflammatory health probs not as successful in treatment, yet. l, like many, just deal with it on auto pilot as it comes along, l regret l wasnt stronger and more assertive much sooner about symptoms,and with gp,  regret that, but glad my sons had a reasonable life and now decent adults and doing ok. that means a lot, But live in hope for future, still adventure,s to be had,  Once again l really hope you get the results you should get and improve with symptoms, Take care x 

18

Hi Beverley,

yes i know what you mean about grey skies and Autumn leaves, it's beautiful to look at isn't it!

I hope your daughter had a lovely birthday yesterday and that it wasn't too taxing for you to cope with?  You're right there, that M.E/CFS is a peculiar illness, it tends to come and go whenever it wants doesn't it - wish it was whenever WE wanted it - which of course, is never!!!

I hope you feel better as the day goes on, but in the mean-time, chill out and relax and make the most of it while you can - I expect you have a busy house with a child (or children?)!!!

I lived for 11 years, up to July 2013 by the sea in Southsea, but more towards Eastney.  I had a bedsit on the top floor of flats, looking out across the sea.  It was fantastic.  Sadly i had to move in 2013 because the stairs were getting too much for me (there weren't any lifts), and i needed a separate bedroom plus i couldn't get out of my bath - I could climb in, but getting out took ages.  So I now live in town, but with a lake just up the road from me (the Hilsea Lido), and Portsdown Hill a little further up the road.  My flat is on the ground floor and is surrounded by lovely trees, so it's a nice lookout.  Yours sounds lovely too, i really do love being by water.  If I won the lottery, I'd buy a house by a stream or lake or the sea.  I love watching 'Amazing Small Spaces' and 'Shed of the year' on TV, especially all of the places by the sea or rivers etc. I have always wanted to live on a barge, ever since a woman in 'Crossroads' years ago, lived on a barge (I'm showing my age now!!!).

Enjoy the rest of your day.  I'm just off to the kitchen to cook my lunch!!! x

19

lol, l hope all potential brides think of you, miss H indeed lol

20

Hi Tina,

thank you for your kind words and support.  You poor thing, it sounds like things have been horrible for you lately.  I hope that it's all now sorted and that you can get on with looking after yourself and trying to get better.

I agree, it is SO lonely at home isn't it.  I've always been very shy, but i do love to be with people, especially in the work environment, i really do miss it like you too.

My sister had cancer and was made redundant from work too - she took voluntary redundancy because her workplace of 30 years, was very nasty to her.  Anyway, she phones me every other day to make sure I am okay, and tries to take me out in her car once a week. Some of the time, I am too poorly to get ready or go out, but I love to try hard to be able to get out. Whenever i have to get buses, I am an absolute wreck when I get back home and collapse in bed for the next 2, 3 or 4 days. So when my sister drives me out into the countryside and maybe for a cuppa somewhere, it is really lovely.

But like you, I am usually very lonely most of the time. I don't have a husband or boyfriend, but have my TV or radio for company.  I have pals coming round sometimes but they have their own lives and most of them are working. Sometimes however, I just want to be on my own as i don't have the energy to chat, I expect you feel that way too, don't you. Like you say, animals though gorgeous, don't give you the company that a human can!!!  Saying that, I'd love to be able to have a cat in my flat (that rhymes!!!!).

I'm glad to hear that you got the PIP and ESA Support Group too, you very much deserve it after what you've endured.

Thank you so much again for your well wishes and genuine support, it really means a lot to me and helps me be more positive and strong-willed!!  Take care, and enjoy the rest of your weekend. xx