Long story short (And my instinct is kicking in now not to tell anyone anything about me) I suffer from depression.
Now my main question is starting a relationship with someone but I have this 90% mind set I want yo be left alone. No one must experience or see me the way my parents do. I.e low mood, numb, anti social and etc.
My friends say I am seeing this girl and because I haven t seen them in ages they say are you seeing anyone. My reply is I rather be left alone it better by myself. That s when 10% kicks in thinking I want to but emotions don t sit tight with my thoughts.
I tried dating sites then when signed up and ready to go I think this was a mistake. And feel unwilling And not a good idea.
Even when in public I make eye contact with women and that s it. No smile and again a feeling of "no attraction is going to happen here"
Does anyone else understand what I mean. I think my depression over the years as it comes and goes takes my emotions away from me leaving me feel emotionally cold.
Of course as anyone knows when really low last thing I you want is making new connections with someone.
Also had a relationship that ended bad years ago so don t know if that added to it.
Luckily for now not in a a really depressed mood but my emotions are different I.e I don't feel the same towards others. I laugh and the joy of laughing isn't the same. Or is it just a sign of getting older as nearly 30.
Hi Jon
I have had 5 years with boyfriend who is manic depressed . We have just recently broke up again few days ago ... it has been a complete rollercoaster of emotions for me and for him . He will push me away when things are going good telling me we are over he will block all contact with me .. he becomes very low and has said he can’t stand family get together s as he doesn’t like to see other people enjoying them self’s he feels in the way ?? .. he makes up stories in his head and actually believe them .. we used to live together and he used to do disappearing acts for weeks and come back wanting to try again
He has had a affair in the past too for a couple of months .. he will push me away all the time .. when we got back together the last time he keept me blocked from all social media and only just told his parents we were back together then ended it again a week later .. he kept me a secret from his parents because he had lied about me saying it was all my fault for all our split ups so his family can’t stand me !! He is on quepitine tablets bern on them for about 7 months now ... all I can advise you is depression can effect others around you .. and for yourself having these feelings .. might be a good idea to be up front with your new girlfriend and are you on any medication to help ... I truly wish you all the best x
Jon
I gather you are shy with a dose of lack of confidence.
I gathered initially you were still in your teens, now I feel you are older than that and have been in relationship(s) in the past one of these has been problematic.
I was ver much the same until I met someone my family did not like, I got engaged when seventeen and the relationship was broken by my family when I was in my late twenties. I should have stood up to them, although I failed to take things into my own hands
I had lost my circle of friends by then most were engaged or married. It took me a further two or three years before starting dating again.
Eventually I started dancing and that was a lady puller, I went dancing three nights a week and that gave me encouragement with the opposite sex. The putting my arms around dance partners and talking to them gave me encouragement and a great many dates with girls my own age. In fact most became friends and we would be always able to dance together.
My wife was from a dating club, that met once or twice a month.
So believe me when I say you are not unusual, both sexes have the same problems in meeting future partners, you are not alone. My Wifes Sister ran the club and now the four of us see each other ever so often they live a long way down south.
Try not to push yourself, if you have interests join a club, if you take classes you may meet someone there What I am trying to say is go where mixed circles meet, your shyness will get better as you mix with others.
You are not alone I understand in this day and age the young have problems meeting people, it is all up to you to gain encourage yourself to meet people.
BOB
Ps Jon was nearly twenty one
BOB
Hi Bob
Thanks for the reply. Makes me feel better as what you have said pretty much confirms what I keep telling myself and what I need to do for years. Even the part where you say hard for young ones to meet. Completely agree.
Think what I am saying is I just shut myself and everyone down before things escalate if they are going to. Don't know why just do and it's getting more and more frequent. To a point like I say everyone around me I don't feel the same towards everyone I used to.
Part of me says things might be different when in the situation other says just don't go there.
Jon
You are lacking confidence I suppose you will become more positive when you are ready.
If you need to chat, you can get me here or pm me
BOB
That's exactly what my hypnotist friend says. And it's very true too. I have approached many women in the past when confidence has gone through the roof so I know I can do it. More than one occasion. Even gave mates advice. Now completely different.
Like you say when I am ready. Tried to start up again just struggle.
Thanks bud shall keep you in mind.
Hi Lisa
I hope you are ok as well as your bf. Must be hard.
I must admit it's because of experienced like yourself I won't let anyone in. It's to protect others from myself as can be a really moody anti social %#$@. And very uncaring. Only because what does in my head and how I feel. Sort of a bitter sweet.
Not with anyone at the moment (And like it that way) that's what I tell myself and believe it 90%.
I hope things sort out for you two and he does get better than what he is.
Jon x
It sounds like you may have some underlying issues about yourself because You are being to hard on yourself. I'm sure you are a great guy and have a lot to offer in a relationship. Its important to make connections with others. Sometimes it's uncomfortable to step out but it's worth a try. If it fails, don't stop just keep trying. I wonder if your isolation is making your depression worse? I hope you try to get help with a therapist or psychiatrist. There's no reason to suffer from depression when there's so much help for you but only if you actually seek the help.