Endgame: Get busy living or self destruct

Mental health
1

as some of you know i post about  sucide, and i thank you all for your support you give, i knws its the way out of this physical existence n seams appealling ( grass is greaner other side )

i hav no close family, as they dont appreciate my personal lifestyle, they cause me  grief, i cut them out of my life, for the sanity of everyone, 2 past famiily members hav passed on, both by suicide, my dad n grandad, they encouraged me to live my lifestyle of which i did, an i feel it ended a long time ago, my goals were achieved n i cba any more, as history is repeating itself, nothing new, everything has always been f**ked up,

hav had many nice gf's of which its still  nice were in touch occasionally on fb, settling down was never my thing, waiting 4 the world to destruct or sumfin, now im 4 deccades old, still physically fit n healthy ( except what i believe 2 b demons urging me on 2 join my dad ) i dont see no hope in this government of britian, an their never will be a " fair system " so i just cant be bothered to go on, i'm blessed i dont have dependants,

when i go, wud ideally like 2 jus die in my sleep,preferably in a mortuary, get culled off n allow euthanasia or with  a note on my bedroom door to say i done it, profesionals only pls enter, hav thoughts of sum obscure methods to cut off my life instantly, but unable to ensure my body will be found,

or i cud cut these thoughts move on, n start planning a possitive life, its very lonely an will continue to be, im creative in many ways, i have a 20+yr working history,  another reason y i cant b f**ked n e more, as i dont have time nor money to explore my talents i believe i have,

 

2

Ok Michael your life has been f**ked up? Why? who F**ked up your life so much that you feel the way you do, with no self respect and self efficasy. You appear to hate yourself, the world, the establishment, your family, is there anything that you do not hate? You as you have stated been a regular contributer to this forum. I am the newby here so help me out. When did this all start?

I would like to hear from you regarding your internal feelings/emotions verses your external feelings/emotions. Quite simple internal feelings/emotions are about what is going on inside your body, expand that please. External feelings are the opposite its what you feel about the world around you. That way you can focus on reality and not on self destruction. Come on Michael there are some of us out here that are empathic to your situation. Been there, nearly did it and nearly wrote a book about it. Plus have been in many places I wish I hadn't been. So I have had a hard life too. Keep on talking, the more talking you do the better we understand you and your problems and can learn from you. Thanks Peter   

3

Micheal explore your talents!! There's way more to live then what you know!! Where do you live? If you are close we can meet up for a chat, coffee or even better both! And if we don't live near I will give you my email address and add each other on facebook!

Mate there are loads of positive things about live and you my friend are one of them!

MSG me on here or if you haven't by Friday I will msg you!

Please take care 😊

Kate 🐞

4

***life not live sorry!! 😅

5

thank you both, internally and externally big diffrences, i appear to be a happy go lucky person, inside i just wanna die, its been noted i put on a huge front and cover a lot with smiles and being helpfull, where as on my own, im very isolated, i tend to maybe play varoius musical instruments i hav, play pc games, or jus pace the grounds within my  flat, its keep me ticking for now, ive been prescribed sumfin diffrent of which im picking up tommorow, unsure what it is, can let you know, the support im gettin is very  helpfull, i hope i once again find a zeal for life,

6

So your grandad and father told you to live your life playing computer games, and putting on a front? Look Michael, I understand why some people consider and go through with suicide been there, really there once. I was walking home if you can call it that and I had just got fed up of being fed up. I was on a bridge. Time appeared to slow, everything slowed but I could still vaguely hear the traffic beneath. I was on a bridge. And I thought I could do it right now. The thought of other people didn't come into it. I had just had enough. I wanted peace. Then that's where instinct cut in. What. The. F**k. Are. You. Doing. That's exactly what I heard, I say heard because it was detached from me yet it was me. No voices of Christ, Allah, Zeus, Ramses whoever you like to believe in, Lord Voldermort. Hades, jack and jill and the cow that jumped over the moon. There was just I and the human instinct to survive. I haven't sorted my life out yet Michael far from it. But I went to the park the other day and fed the ducks, might not seem momentous but for me it was a big deal, no negative interaction, half a day of peace, living peace. You appear to have thought greatly about death, with a mind such as yours how about you start thinking instead with using that energy towards life. Chin up Michael, Nick.

7

they didnt jus encouradge me to play computer games lol, although they both used to use flight sims n elite etc etc, they encouradged me to work hard, which i have, encouradged me to do what i want in life, such as growing my hair, gettin into metal much to the familys shock lol, had aa 7 year dj career, i have lived my life too its fullest,

8

Hello Michael. There is still time to make something of your life, there really is. Have a chat with someone at the Samaritans and they may help you to find a new direction. You can always take the opportuity to move on in life where as in death there is nothing. Please talk things through with the Samaritans and I'm sure you will feel all the better for it.

9

thanks for your reply, may i ask how the samaratians may help me ? i'm sadly oftenly misrepresented for the antichrist an ppl are baffled when i explain my personal God beliefs,

10

Hi Michael,

​Hopefully gwen1953 won't mind me answering your question. I'm sure she'll also respond in time.

​The smaratians have a phone line where the people who answer are completely non-judgemental. Your religious beliefs are your own, they honestly have never judged me for my beliefs when I have spoken to them in the past.

​The phone line is answered by trained staff who I believe are mostly volunteers, and whilst you are very unlikely to get the same person twice, this does mean that you get the advice and support of all of the people who you speak to when you call them, if you have a talent which you would like to explore but haven't been able to for any reason at all, then they will try to help you look at the options for exploring that talent.

​They will try to help you talk through anything you want to discuss in as a non-judgemental way as possible.

​When I have been at my lowest, I have rung them. They have made me feel as if I can carry on and can get some of the help I needed at that moment in time to survive for a few more days.

​Their phone number is 08457 90 90 90 or you can email them at jo@samaritians.co.uk. You do not have to be suicidal to phone them, they will talk with you about anything you want to talk about. I once spent an entire evening on the phone to them talking about a person who I had broken up with because they had been sleeping with other men and at the time I was extremely heart broken about it, but was never suicidal, I just didn't have a way forward that I could see at the time.

​Having that impartical external viewpoint can help sometimes. The calls only cost 2p per minute plus the access charge set by your telephone provider.

​I sound like an advert for the samaritians, I do not work there, I am literally just someone who has used their phone line a number of times over the years, and think that in your case, you may have a lot to gain from having someone impartial to talk to.

​I hope this helps. I really really do.