Life sucks. Everything I do or say is always wrong. Everything I try turns to crap. Simply had enough!!!!
Tried telling myself that the domino effect must stop soon but its constant and I'm not sure I want to play the game of life anymore!
Ever felt like you're in a crowded room screaming at the top of your voices but no hears or listens? Well that's me.
Hello Deaver
Yes it can suck! That feeling is compounded by so much media and public information where we see that for so many people, life does anything but.
They have good physical and emotional health, great families, amazing jobs, and might even be super-rich. However, I have yet to see the evidence that they are fulfilled, happy, or possibly of most importance, content. When you dig deeper into the lives of ordinary people who have become that new phenomenon, 'Celebrities', without generalising, they are not short of problems.
Sure, they don't have to worry about bills or keeping a roof over their head, but there are other things in life that no matter how successful one might appear, inside, they are battling this wicked illness.
So, I'm now going to contradict myself by saying Life Doesn't Suck! Depression DOES!
I could write a novel in reply to you, but that is not what you need. I could tell you that I have suffered too, but that won't make you feel better. Perhaps the best thing I can do is let you know that I can hear you. The reason is because I am on the same frequency.
You asked a question about shouting but nobody hearing or listening. I think they can hear you, but they are choosing not to listen because they don't know how to help. They are not on your wavelength.
The feeling I experience, is slightly different, yet the same in effect. I frequently feel 'invisible'. I'm not of course. I'm there, I'm present, but as far as the people I am with are concerned, I might as well not be. Some of this can be put down to stigma.
It is one of the most pernicious symptoms of this illness that it manages to persuade an intelligent person like yourself that you are actually complete rubbish and everything you do turns out wrong. Is that a reasonable statement? Does it actually make any sense? Or is it a thought, an idea that has taken root and closed your eyes to reality, forcing you to believe every negative thought that comes into your head is infallible. Well - it isn't.
You have not referred to any medical history or professional treatment. That doesn't mean you haven't had any, but for the purpose of this reply, I will presume you haven't.
You have reached the point where you need to take the next step from posting on this forum, which, by the way, was a very good thing to do. Someone has apparently heard you.
You need to talk to a qualified health professional. Most people immediately think GP, but if the thought of that overwhelms you, there are other alternatives. You can have a private consultation with the Pharmacist at any chemist. You could ask to speak to a Nurse at your local clinic. You could make an anonymous telephone call to a number of excellent organisations, not just the Samaritans, where someone will listen first and advise second.
If you gamble with your life and lose it, you won't be sent back for a rethink. Now is the time to rethink. Please reach out to some individual or organisation that is medically equipped to 'hear' you and really listen. They will help to alleviate this self-perpetuating torture.
We shall be thinking of you and just willing you to action. You can do this. You posted hear. You've had a response. Now repeat that in a medical setting and get yourself properly assessed.
My very best wishes to you. :-)
Thank you for the reply Rainboy. I have a huge amount of history with depression and yes I'm on meds but at present they dont seem to have any effect. Just not sure I have the strength anymore to keep fighting. Time to face facts maybe and admit total defeat? ~I'm tired of the almost theres only to come down with a bang, i'm tired of being told "snap out of it" or "it'll get better", I'm exhausted, I want a life to enjoy and that just isn't there for me. I've tried, God knows I've tried, I've even been stable for a little while, but it just doesn't last at all. There's always someone or something waiting to destroy me. Maybe they finally have.
Thanks again.
Hi Deaver,
you sound exhausted and have been doing a lot of thinking. You say you are on meds but they're not working, maybe ask for a review of your meds.
It's okay to take time to yourself, to take a step back from the worldly pressures - rest, eat well, sleep, and take care of yourself just for you.
you are valuable and deserve to be content and happy. I often think of humans as being like a sponge - when we have hurts and disappointments, illness like depression - we need to take time to absorb them (like a sponge) before we can accept and carry on.
i wish you well, please keep in touch x
Thanks Katie your words really help and are appreciated.
Deaver
I really thank you for your reply, and had I been able I would have written again sooner. You have however been occupying my thoughts, in part because you remind me of the feelings I experienced and the thoughts that went through my mind when I too was literally at the bottom of the bottom.
I'm still here, albeit changed and affected by my humbling experience, but some of those changes are for the better.
Right now, I just wanted this to serve as a reminder that I "heard" you, and haven't 'moved on'. I would also like to ask how you are feeling overall and if there is any change in your mood from earlier in the week?
You are not suffering alone fellah and we want you to find some relief, just not in the way you were thinking of.
I'm sending you positive thoughts and energy along with these words. If you are up to it pal, touch base. :-)
Thanks again Rainboy.
My thoughts and mood has eased since I wrote this post. I always thought I had a grip on being able to stop myself from getting so low, I suppose it goes to show I don't. I am due a review with my GP and will mention my recent turn of events. Wish there was an easy answer to it all, suffered for way too long.
Really good to know there are people like yourself that show support.
Thanks again
Hi Deaver
I know the feeling!!!
I feel like everyone can give me their opinions and say what they want to me but when I offer mine they're always wrong!! So I understand the feeling of whatever I do turns to crap!!!
I have been thinking alot lately of the best way to end it and then questioning do I have the guts?????? Then next the guilt feeling which then gets mixed up with who would care anyway????
I have to say this site is very helpful talking your thoughts through with people who are suffering the same problem seems to help make sense of it all. It doesn't cure it by all means but it certainly does help.
Keep on talking to us we'll all support each other.
Please take care and keep talking.
Thanks Sandiebabe.
I am a little calmer and things aren't so clouded at present. I value the support and care shown by others on this site. A virtual stranger that has or is experiencing the same problems is sometimes more helpful than you realise.
Thanks again.