For the past two weeks i have been on a backwards spiral, more than 2 weeks, I once again stopped answering my phone, the one people have the number for, and i also stopped opening my mail again. I'm closing down and becoming mute, the most audible i have been was when i had a lunch outside. I fitted in my sleep, i stink like urine, and am in immense pain. Today though i have had enough, got told i stank by the delivery man, well tough sh*t sir, you be me, see how you get on. Anyway i hate this place i hope it burns one day soon. But other than that i am stopping this before it takes me all the way back to the start, tomorrow i will switch the phone on and open all the stupid mail and sort things out of which i'm able to. Today i'm going to force myself into the shower pain/ fits or not. Then go for a walk even if its just outside for five minutes. Hope you are all doing ok and if you aren't cyber hugs and cheers to you from me, keep going, Nick.
Nick, good for you to decide to make the effort. I also struggle like hell to do the most "normal" things, like brushing my teeth, getting a shower, getting out of my PJ's & putting my proper clothes on. I am "planning" on going for a walk too. Like you, just round the block. I only answer the phone if I recognize the No. & mail often goes unopened for days. I sometimes keep the blinds closed in case someone calls. I have a nice home & live by myself. Motivation is so, so, difficult. My favourite sentence is, "I'll do it tomorrow"!!
Hello Nick, it's good to hear you're determined to reach into the land of the living. We all have our setbacks, episodes or times of turmoil. Each episode is different and how we react to it will be different even though the signs appear to be uniform.I like your strength. Your ability to say ' enough ' and take charge. As for that deliveryman's rudeness, he's a jerk. Don't waste your thoughts on jerks. You hand in there, Nick. Cyber hugs right-back-atcha
sending hugs and XXX back Nick.
lots of love
Xx
Hi Lee, we share the same mantra of 'tomorrow' hope this message comes out ok, using new phone. Hope you're ok, thanks for the reply. Did you go on your walk? I'm leaving in about an hour. Or less. Am knackered but I promised myself aubergine lasagne for dinner so got to move myself lol.
Hi Tamar, hope you're ok, thanks for the reply, I like your logic thinking. Lol the delivery guy was indeed a jerk, good word for him. He asked if we had any pets, I thought how easy would it be to blame an invisible cat, but thought, hell no that's just stupid. So he continued to be a jerk. Today I just didn't have the energy to do my nut, especially on him, like you said why waste thoughts. Hope you are up to something good today Tamar.
Woman! One of few who I will actually speak too, lol, how are you doing?
hope your ok nick
Dear Nick, you can overcome your problems but you need help. When I was first diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, I found it extremely difficult to get myself out of bed. Like you I didn't open my mail because I knew I was in debt to certain companies and didn't know how I was going to re-act to their correspondence. I was also scared to answer the phone. As you said you need to force yourself into the shower. It's scary at first but after you have done it once it's a relief and you feel better able to do it the next time and the time after that. You obviously need help so please consider going to your GP. I am not sure if you have posted before so don't know your history but to me your are suffering from anxiety and depression but you make no mention of medication. Are you taking anything? Perhaps you need a change in meds. Or if you have debts, which is why you won't open your mail try the Citizens Advice Bureau. They helped me get back on track and I'm happy to say all my debts have now been settled. As you say yourself Keep Going. You have to push yourself to turn your life around. If you want to do it you can. Keep in touch. Gwen
Right now on my the river. Its so peaceful, shopping was horrible but mot a total nightmare. I don't want to go home. I'm just standing here. Damn phone I meant I'm by the river on my way home.All I can hear is nature, I even fed the swans.
thats nice nick i wish i was there with you
Dear Gwen thank you for your reply I hope you are doing ok today,I've read about bi polar and you are really an inspiration for turning your life around. Thank you for sharing. I've a few things, I'm on meds, gp knows. I go through shutting down stages with my conditions. I got emotional this week and it sapped me. Usually I'm pretty numb if not angry. Suppose I'll have to go home. Survival is key right. Keep going.
Lol the conversation would probably suck. But the birds here are chirping, you would like it. Hope you are ok Paul.
just a bit mate just that i lost my girlfriend in may this year
Damn it. I don't really know what to say to that. Apart from sorry. Lol shame we cant scoff thesedoughnuts I'm not supposed to be eating together.
Been better Nick xxx
Read that poem, not sure what I make of it yet, it's a good, clever poem, maybe that's why I've not made much sense of it 😕 xx
I liked to think it was about sanity, but others think different, the subject matter over all I think most link with grief but I find that when Poe is questioning the Raven it brings forth the matter of sanity. Perhaps it was a bit of a task to start off upon. That and you use alot of straight feeling talk in your poems, he uses atmosphere, surroundings and metaphorical, riddles almost. You choose the next poem. Stop saying you're daft! Everybody has different tastes in things.
you are ok nick i am on tablets of the doctor
Well done Nick. That delivery driver might have been a jerk but he did get you moving didn't he? Bev x
Thanks Bev, I'm in an d out of it,right now, sorry about spelling.hope you are ok been a wile but I missed out a few things up there, anyway he wasntv the ultimate thing that did it, I cant put up wh as t that was. Lol he's still a jerk I LL Ike that. Hope you r well lady been a long time.