i honestly dont even know where to start just so much stress and anxiety has happened within the last two months (maybe) & i guess Ill start off with the most stressful thing to me right now.
so about a week and a half ago, i ended up having unprotected sex with this guy Ive always liked but he has a reputation and ever since my paranoia has gotten worse.
because it was unprotected and from my past experience from my first boyfriend ripping condoms on me to get me pregnant i ended up having an std in the past.
and now im terrified that i may have caught something from my recent sexual encounter. ive checked myself everyday for the past week and half and i have not noticed anything unsual besides my discharge being white cloudy and now i hve a slight fishy smell(i usually get BV so Im sure its that) so I made an appointment to get tested for my annual and for testings because for some unholy reasonings I keep believing I have herpes even though I havent seen anything abnormal. when i show up to my appointment they wouldnt let me in bc my temp read 99 three times in a row, mind you i was positive for covid back in may and had finished out my quarentine sentence about 3 weeks or so ago. they turned me away and at this point my anxiety grows over my sexual health.
so oddly just recently the top of my foot becomes itchy and today i scratch it enough that it started to break open and now i have a tiny cluster of blisters which freaks me even more out thinking its herpes. but the same spot of my other foot is itchy aswell and so part of me thinks its from my shoes from the tag being on the tongue, or I somehow convinced myself that Im having . herpes outbreak or I have scabies??
can someone just call me crazy and whatnot.
my paranoia is getting worse and im even terrified to leave my house now and i honestly dont know how to help with grounding i just feel like im losing my mind.
(my dissosiative episodes are getting worse too)
thabks for reading this far !
sos!