Fear eats away at me

Mental health
1

I have panic attacks when I feel my security is being pulled from under me.

I try each day to do something and it does work. My flat is spotless and everything in it's place.

But the fear doesn't just last 30 minutes. It goes on for days leaving me exhausted. During that time I think about all the times in my life (a lot) when I felt insecure and wished that I had family to care about me.

My best friend says I can always go to his home whether I am stable or anxious but he is not well (physically) himself.

The other day I was at his place and a person called and never stopped talking. She asked me if I could store some stuff at my flat. Well, no way clutter irritates me and my head space.  I got ready to leave and this person told me to hold on as she would walk down the road with me.

Cut to the chase I whispered to my friend "I gotta get out. I'm going to explode".

I felt like a trap was closing in because I don't tell a lot of people where I live so definitely do not want clutter.

I bolted out the front door and ran. My pal being my best friend fully understood. 

When I got home I couldn't switch off and took double dose of my medication to calm down and slept most of the next day.

I feel sorry for the people who's friends or family do not understand because until you have an attack you really don't know.

2

hey hun sounds like your going through a rough time,i can so relate to thingsbhaving to be spotless and have there place,if someone comes to my house and even moves a picture frame a little i carnt rest ibhave to get up and fix it,i wasnt like that before my anxiety so i think im like it now cause i know i have no control over my anxiety,so i try to have control over my house,cleaning like a freak and things having to be a certain way,the doctor says its a ocd brought on from my anxiety,havent you got any family at all you can talk too xxx

3

No family. I have a best friend who is physically ill himself but I've always been houseproud.

Could you doctor of meant that when a person comes to your home you are worried they will make a mess?

4

that must be realy hard for you,having no family,yea i do get very freaked out by mess,or things being out of place,constantly cleaning even when im shattered i stil have to do it all,as i carnt rest if i dont,i was refered to the metal health team and it was him that said ive got ocd,you have always got us on here if you need to talk hun,i know its not alot buy sometimes talking to people you dont know,and who are going through the struggles of anxiety can help a little xxx