Feel like an absolute useless, worthless, colossal failure.

Mental health
1

Right, where do I start?

I'm 26. Male.

Working but on a zero hour contract but usually work the whole week (45 hrs).

That's where the good ends and the real crap begins.

I have no qualifications after getting two C's at A-level. Studying is something I find almost impossible.

I am socially awkward. I'm always afraid of what I said sounded stupid. I actively avoid any form of social activities.

I have zero friends. Yep nobody to hang out with.

Sure I say a few words to work colleagues and I think they genuinely like me but who really knows.

I've never had anything remotely like a romantic relationship and pretty much given up hope of ever finding anyone. I mean who would want to be with me anyway?

I'm boring, stupid, and unsuccessful.

I've tried taking to some girls online but after a a few sentences I can tell I'm being nothing but a boring drag.

I'm a nice guy but that gets me nowhere. Absolutely nowhere. I think I've gotten to the point where if I had a button that would kill every human being on the planet I'd push it.

When it comes to physical work and actually producing visible results at work I'm unstoppable. That's the main reason I'm called in to work as much as I am.

Work is the only good thing going on in my life right now. Without that I don't know what I'd do.

Not a day goes by where I don't think of committing suicide. But I know I won't do it. Not at this moment in time anyway.

My mind often ponders about what would be the best way to kill yourself.

Jump off a building, car wreck, dive off a cliff, hanging, slit wrists, overdose, gunshot to the head (overseas). That's as far as I've gotten.

The topic of death occupies a big part of my daydreaming. I find it fascinating. What happens when you die? Do you just switch off? Do you wake up elsewhere (life doesn't seem real to me, more like a dream). I hardly recognise myself in the mirror. It's more like looking at a stranger.

As if the other day I've started cutting at my arm. Self harm. I never thought I'd end up here.

I'm on anti depressants at the moment. I missed one dose and went very far down hill. Back up today but not fully there. Doubt I ever will be.

I don't even know why I've written all this. It's unlikely posting this here will have any effect for the better.

The best words to describe my current feelings:

Low/down, disconnected/detached, zero self worth, useless, worthless, failure, unwanted.

Of well. Nothing ventured nothing gained.

Regards,

X99

2

I can relate to what you have written, I feel just like you but don't like my job. I know how hard it is. I think it would be easier not to be here, but like you said I don't think I could do it. I'm sorry, I know what you are going through!! Like people say to me, stay strong!

3

Hi

Well that's defiantly all the Symptoms of depression. I have often thought about ending my life and wonder what happens. I spoke to a spiritual person about it recently and she said that when we die its only our body that dies and our soul and spirit are born again into another life but if we take our own lives because of issues we may have in this life then we will carry that through to the next life. So I suppose the bottom line is that if we are depressed we will be depressed in the next life. Don't really understand how anyone could know that but I must admit it has certainly put me off suicide

4

 I'm sorry you feel like this try looking for something positive think about.. You are consumed by negative thinking  I know because I have been there you feel so low you just can't see a way out but there is you need to take one day at a time sometimes just hour by hour but it does get better  stay strong 

5

Thanks Kristina.

Yeah I'm just taking it day by day.

I've gone off almost everything I once enjoyed doing. Gaming, working on computers, messing about with gadgets. The only thing I have left in the forum of escapism are movies. Can't even pay attention to a TV show anymore, far too slow paced resulting in my mind wondering.

I've booked a doctor's appointment for next week. Might take up the offer of counciling. I'm a man of very few words so have stayed clear of it but I think it's time now. Gotta try it. Nothing much left to lose.

6

Dear X99. I was very sorry to hear how low you are feeling. You say that you are on anti-depressants? How long have you been on them and how long have you been feeling like this? You need to speak with your GP again. You do not mention family, Could you talk to them? Do you live alone?

No-one is worthless. You are good at your job and that is something to be proud of, There are lots of people out there who feel awkward like you. Maybe try joining a website for shy people, or one that is for people who share your interests?

You have come to us on here and that is a good move. We all understand and will do our best to help, Stay with us, we are a closeknit group and we care about you.

7

that's right you have nothing to lose and everything to gain... Everyday when I wake up my heart is racing with anxiety I couldn't even stay in my home because I couldn't sit down what help me was audio book on my iPhone I had to concentrate extremely hard to the words and then in time I was able to love my home again  and watching TV was a problem and sometimes still is but I play games on my phone when the TVs is on and sometimes I can even watch it without playing my games ..... I talk myself into going to the gym everyday because I enjoy it even though the feelings are horrendous I will not let it rule my life anymore II don't know when I will recover but I just say one day it will come 

you should see a coucellor but you need to find one that works for you remember you can change a counsellor if you don't think the one you are given does not suit you stay focused you can do this 

8

Hi, I read your message and you brought back my life 30 yrs ago. 

I had 3 small children to look after and a husband that could'ent of cared a dam about anybody but his self. To cut a long story short I was admitted to a psycriatric hospital with acute depression and anxiety, I was there for 3 weeks. I was under a psyciatrist and a psycologist for around 8 yrs. I got divorced and I worked on myself. The feelings you are describing is exactly how I felt, but on top of that I had panic attacks. They were so horrific. If someone had asked what hell was like, I could quite easily explain. But with help from the medical profession and the love of my children and family, I made myself get better and Yes my children are all married and have children of their own and I succeded in going back to college and becoming a spiritual healer and a qualified Reflexologist.

I have a Nephew who has been in the exact place where you are at the moment. I have had a chat with him and he said he would be glad to chat with you. He has asked me to forward his contact so this is his message.: Use the 2 websites and tell your story. But the biggest thing is not to hide away. It seems like the best thing but it really isn't. Tell him to look on mhf site and look for magic touch and add him ( thats me ) maybe I can help a little. Xx. He also advised to get in touch with MIND. I jope this might help you, NO ONE should feel so alone and un-cared for. So yes start with your GP and maybe get a referral to see a psyciatrist. Or try MIND or go on google and find out what groups you could attend and see how you go.

9

I do not have any friends. I am all alone. No one calls. This is my last resort. I cannot go on without anyone.

it is so lonely. I do not have insurance to pay for help. 

10

Suzie..I'm not sure X99 is still here or active on the site sad...so I will respond to you both..

I was young at a time and felt the same way you both do in the present.  GOD (and I'm not a bible thumper)...will always take care of you and give you what you need as life goes on.

I was going to kill myself at 20....I am 51 now.  I have been thru alot of stuff....bad stuff...not much good since then. But, I have had good days.  I read books to like myself more and build my self confidence.

The reason I didn't kill myself was because I had ONE friend and that friend answered the phone that day and talked me out it....it was a Thanksgiving and I was basically homeless and alone. This person invited me to their dinner and picked me up.  Otherwise, I do not think I would be here.

Life can continue and get better for you.  Something that helps me now...seems strange...but I watch all these murder shows on TV....Dateline, 48 hours, Snapped...and I always SEE that many people have worse lifes than me.

So I keep going and TRY VERY HARD to be grateful for the life I do have.  Maybe take a course at your local college or something to build your self esteem?  They have funding available if you do not have funding....That was also a step I took when I was younger...and it did make me feel like SOMEONE.

I also met people at the time in class to talk to....I am not still friends with them...but I have gotten by one day at a time.

I'm lonely much...but dying I'm now afraid of....so God has taken care of me...I get what I NEED and not always what I want.

I'm going thru ALOT of different stress related issues right now, very depressed...and I read this post...and NOW...I am grateful I don't feel like you currently do...please hang on for some miracles.

11

Thank you for replying. I am sorry you have had the same feelings. They are awful!

I am 62, divorced. He martied his secretary and threw me out. (After 32 years of marriage.)

I needed to move, I thought it ould be a new start. I joined a bowling league, church choir, etc. I don't go any more.

Still I don't fit with anyone. Peopke are nice, but they go back to their lives and then I go home to no one. I do mot have anyone to go out for coffee with.

I really can barely hang on.

12

That divorce was a heck of a bombshell. Of course you are depressed. But you are NOT worthless...You are HERE for a reason.

Maybe look to local charities and see if they need help...like feeding the homeless....working in shelters or going to hospitals (I know elderly people in my area...walk around as volunteers talking to patients stuck in beds).

I'm also very lonely at this time in my life. I do have a significant other..but sometimes still feel very alone...my kids deserted me...my parents are elderly and we don't talk...its horrible...but I keep going. I'm also going to look for volunteer work if my state disability gets approved.

13

I hope you're alright. I got to this by searching something about feeling useless. I haven't always felt useless, but events lately making me feel so. Like no birthday greetings on facebook, losing my job by being crap at it, always awkward in social situations, (feeling like I'll never get over that one). I too have had really bad thoughts. However, i don't like to read other people's - it's just not nice! I've decided to be a boring faillure, but to try to be as nice as I can and not be a 'bad' person. Things like suicidal thoughts are basically bad. Bad vibes in the world, when the world needs good vibes. It's probably not what you wanted to hear. All the best. Sorry I haven't got any great solutions - just speaking my mind right now. Take careconfused

14

X99, I hope that at this point in time, you no longer feel like this.

However, if you do: please do not let the way you are feeling define your character. In times of deep depression such as what you described, it is impossible to feel lively, warm, happy or interesting. It is as though your brain has had the life sucked out of it. I have personally had the same feeling. The self-loathing. The total detachment from everything. And from someone on the other side of that (for today!) I would like to say that this feeling is NOT what the rest of your life is going to be like.

Please seek some psychological help for your depression - the right therapist will help you to come up with strategies to get your mind working the way it should. You will get to the other side of this bridge with the right help.

Your life is precious and there is so much you can do with it once you get a handle on your severe depression. I find that forcing myself (not easy) to step out of my comfort zone and try something new always helps to boost me in the right direction.

Best of luck.

15

I feel the same too. No one likes me because I am such a baby. I never do things right. My life is useless as well. I need serious help just like you.

16

I'm exactly where you are, minus a job. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore, I'm just a waste of resources and space. I wish there was something I could do to help.

17

You're not useless. You have unique value - known to God, but as yet undiscovered by you.

18

I feel you - my condition is only worse (in a sense) I'm 15 and I feel exactly like you. Some notable differences are that I have no physical abilities and I'll probably die soon due to heart attack. My grades are ludicrously disgusting. I fail at everything I do - even if I give it my all and those bollocks.

19

oh no...you are 15! your life is just begining....it doesn't matter if you are ugly now...or attractive..doesn't matter if you are smart or dumb..you have a whole life ahead of you.

Focus on what you want to be when you get older..start that schooling process...don't give up...i wanted to give up at 21...I'm 52 now..glad I didn't give up.

There will be good people that come into your life if you hang on.

Just hang on..see...you are not alone...I responded..and who knows what else life has to offer..just keep going.

20

Hey x99,

I just came on the the net to try and find ways for me not to feel down and useless and this was one of the first things I came across. I see it has been about a year since your post and I hope things have gotten better for you.

If things are still the same then just know that things will get better, but the only person that can change that is you.

I know that you will soon find something or someone that will make you happy, it happened to me when i was at my lowest, just look forward to that day. I hope you have already found happiness :-)