Feel like I've had a breakdown. Need encouragement!

Women's health
1

Hi all, 

I'm just  47, was regular til last August, with no obvious peri signs, just lighter, shorter periods (4-5 days) for the past 7 years, when I missed a period for the first time. I had developed terrible constipation & felt very ill with it.  After that, by September, I literally don't know what happened. It was like my body literally went into shock & I ended up in hospital with a suspected heart attack. Uncontrollable body tremors, anxiety, panic attack, racing heart, dizzy, diahorea, pressure on my chest & throat, acid reflux. It wasnt a heart attack, but i continued to have these attacks almost daily for the next 3 months, with feeling woozy, nervous, spasms, jerking awake from sleep as soon as I'd nodded off, exhaustion, developed a dairy allergy, agonising reflux, sore tongue, 'lump in throat' tinnitus, vertigo, nausea, loss of balance, confusion, memory loss, stomach pain, chest tightness, breathlessness, joint pain, etc etc. I was so scared all the time!

Some of those symptoms eventually subsided, but then the dark suicidal depression, blurred, darkened vision, utter exhaustion, despair, doom, rock-bottom emotions, racing heart literally just walking to another room. I almost black out sometimes. I feel like I've 'lost' myelf, and have that 'out of body' feeling. I can feel some kind of 'cycle' still happening, & have had erratic bleeding, flooding, light, and missed periods. When I could manage to get to my doctor, I had blood tests and was told I was 'post-menopausal' which is ridiculous, and that 'it looks like you've come through it.' 

They chucked some HRT at me & anti-depressants, & anti-reflux & beta-blokas!!! I never take any meds normally. I tried the beta-blokas & had a horrific night, never again. I tried the anti-reflux but they made my head very very weird. Eventually I cut out dairy which stopped the reflux. I havn't used any thing else because of the side-effects, there's no way I could have felt more ill! I'd have had to have found a cliff to jump off!!

I've been in hospital 3 times. I havn't been able to work the whole time, we have a great coffee bar, which my husband & sons are now running. 

I can barely go out now because of the vertigo, disorientation and the feeling that nothing's real. 

I had a couple of strange thyroid tests back, but the endocrine Dr isn't worried about them. I've lost so much weight, I'm now 7st 13lbs (50kg), although I am making myself eat great food in spite of the nausea!! Test for Addisons disease came back fine. I'm eating good, taking cod liver oil, evening primrose & starflower oil, just started Menopace again (it was too hard on my stomach). 

Has anyone else felt this bad?? Is there anything I can do to ease the symptoms??

Got to say my family need the real me back. I'm the funny one that cheers everyone up, optimistic, creative. Now I feel like a crazy miserable shadow sad

2

Hi Brimbo, I don't have time for a long reply just now but wanted to let you know you are not alone. I was stunned reading your post - I almost thought I'd written it myself and forgotten! I've had such a similarly awful time since last October: Depression, anxiety, tremors, shaking, weight loss and digestive problems that hospitalised me for three nights in November. Gradually finding my way back but it's been horrendous. You will get through this and there are lots of women on here with similar stories. Hold on, we are all here for you.

3

Hi Brimbo , you poor thing ! , sounds like you are having a dreadful time , I do have some of the symptoms you describe , aches ,joint pains , irritable bowel from time to time ! My anxiety attacks have definitely become more regular , after 15 years of hardly experiencing a panic attack , I used to suffer from the most horrendous panic attacks ,with a lot of the symptoms you are describing , that out of body feeling , feelings of losing control , racing heart ,feeling light headed etc etc ,those moments were the worst of my life and with those feelings came depression ! Seroxat SSRI was my life saver ,am on a very low dose now 10 mg but what I would say ,and like you I don't take pills easily , the antidepressants you have been prescribed may help these feelings ! I found that I had to start on a very low dose as initially it made my symptoms worse and gradually built the dose up ,like I say am now only on 10 mg ,but have noticed over the last year or so that just before my period is due ( I'm 50 this month) panic attacks have worsened , all due to peri I'm assuming ! My main problem is my mood swings , so up and down its ridiculous ,just hate feeling like the wicked witch of the west ( my poor husband is on the receiving end of it all ) really just want to be left alone a lot if the time ! Well most of it actually ! I totally understand that feeling of " I'm having a breakdown " , hopefully there is an end to this one day ! You sound as if you have a supportive family ! Maybe consider the anti depressants , you can always stop them ,but if you do decide to take them , give them time to work ! Best Wishes to you and you are most definitely not on your own ! X

4

Brim, something went wrong and I lost everything I had already written...  All again.

What happened to you happened to many here in some degree.  The thing about missing a period is the most significant thing... I went from completely health to miserably sick because I missed ONLY 1 period   If you were tested for everything and you are "health", try not concern very much, it makes you more "sick".  From what I have learned here, peri/menopause gets each one in its soft spot, some are joints, some are feelings, but in my personal experience, I would say it gets better over time and with some effort.  As you said, you are eating better already, so maybe you are losing weight because of it, or because you are overstressing. Finding the way out of depression is tricky, some do yoga, some take medicine, etc. in any case, I am certain that now you know you are not the only one, you will feel more confident.

Good luck to you

5

Hello Brimbo,

You poor girl, sounds like the hormone fluctuations really have a hold on you. I had a few symptoms in my forties but had regular periods. When I hit 50 I missed a few periods early in the year. All hell broke loose and I started having some pretty scary symptoms that landed me in the ER thinking I had a heart attack. Fortunately my heart was fine. Finding this forum made me realize it was hormones. I get different feelings all the time. Today, it's a slight ringing in my ears and a tingly feeling all over. My neck aches, my right leg felt like it was going numb. This is just one of the symptoms I get. The only difference is how I handle it. I do not let it turn into an anxiety attack anymore. I know it's hormones, I accept it and just try to work through it. I know that sounds easier than it is but  mind over matter does work to an extent. I let anxiety get to me at work, had a meltdown thinking I was dying and ended up in the ER only to find out, they couldn't find anything wrong ugh. embarrassing. Hang in there and try to relax as much as possible. Some go through this will less symptoms and some with more. It's a crappy time for us women but knowing we aren't alone....helps. Take Care Brimbo...hope things get better real quick for you.

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Not that it changes anything but you are NOT alone! The one thing that has given me the will to fight is these forums and knowing that there are so many women out there going through the same. I can relate to all your symptoms. HRT works brilliantly for me apart from the fact it makes me lactose intolerant - within 20 mins of having milk on my cereal I'd have violent cramps, pass out and then have diarrhoea & vomiting.  I'm trying to cut out dairy before trying it again. At present I'm trying the lady care magnet and to be fair I'm nowhere near as hot all the time, which is helping with sleep and energy levels. Because I'm sleeping better and have more energy I am able to exercise which makes me feel better about my general health and wellbeing. It's nowhere near as good as HRT but until I sort my lactose problem out I'm accepting the benefits. Anti depressants did absolutely nothing for me and was glad when my doc said to stop them. I have the same problem with beta blockers - feel out of body if that makes sense. I found Omeprazole for reflux worked. Hang in there, your family sound really supportive which is good. It's not for ever, though it might just feel like it! Take care x

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Haven't been on for a while, but I have to say that things are finally getting better for me. Started using essential oils. Made a huge difference for me. I won't take prescription drugs as for myself I feel like those pills are just a simple band aide with a bunch of crappy side effects that in the end make things worse. I have been where you are and felt like you are feeling, had every test known to man and every thing comes back normal, which is good, but that's what makes you feel like your crazy! Then there's this great forum that I only wish all women in our situations could find as it is so very helpful to us all to know that we are all in the same boat and that we are not crazy! So much good advice on here! Homeopathy is a very good way to go for this issue as well. Western medicine is a joke when it comes to women's health, especially peri/menopause. Anyways, hope this forum gives you some comfort and I wish you the best, it truly does get better. Not everyday is great, but at least now the good days out number the bad days.

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Hi Ruthie

Thank you so much for your lovely reply. It's been a comfort to know this really is just hormones. Who would have believed it! I've felt so healthy & young that I never even thought about the change of life. I'd been thanking God for my regular periods & never wanting them to stop as I know those good old hormones help keep you young! A few months later I've gone so grey, my skin has sagged, I've lost muscle, I have eye bags & feel 80 years old! I have promised myself when I get through the worst of this nothing is going to stop me, I'm bouncing right back into life!! xx

9

Hi Sarah

Thank you for taking the time to respond. I'm hoping this site will help me through the bad days. I'm not happy to try the anti-depressants just yet, as I'm so sensitve to anything at the moment. I tried St.Johns Wort (very low dose) and had a very bad reaction to it. Anxiety went through the roof, suicidal thoughts were insane, so I stopped taking it. Shame as I thought it would be a relief

Yes my husband & family are fantastic, my husband is a minister so prayer is available at all times of the night or day haha! I don't think I'm as bad as I was, & I'm working through personal issues that have come up. I think menopause 'unearths' hidden issues too. I've decided that as I'm incapacitated at the moment I might as well work on overcoming those little fears & disappointments that I usually ignore. Menopause seems to be much more than a hormonal 'change'. 

Can't wait for the dark, mushy, lonely 'cocoon' stage to turn into the emerging glorious butterfly stage.

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Hi BellaRubia

I like that 'it gets each one in its soft spot'

The depression is probably the worst thing, it's been overwhelming. I know it's not me, it's something horrible happening to me. I'm a Christian, so I pray, & make sure what I say is positive even if I don't feel it. 

I try to sing too. if I'm overwhelmed in tears, I've started praying for my kids, to divert too much intrespection. 

I sure hope it gets better than this, even if it lasts a long time!

Thanks for your answer

11

Hi Nancy

Thank you for your kind reply.

A lady doctor I saw said that it's rare but your ovaries can suddely fail. I guess that's what happened to me, as I seemed to have everything at once. I felt like I was dying! Up until that point I have been so healthy. Eat healthy, swim, walk, run a coffee bar, I've got 5 kids, (mostly grown up) don't smoke or drink & have a good life. 

The shock has been almost beyond human endurance. I tell you us women are made of some stuff to come through all this!! And when I am through this, we're having a BIG party! (So says my husband :D )

12

Well there's your problem! You need to be a couch potato, drink, smoke and eat lots of sweets lol. I admit I don't exercise, drink occasionally and don't smoke. In fact I live a very boring life compared to most people I know but thats just me and yes, us women can put up with a lot, probably why we generally out live men lol. I sure hope you feel better hun...

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Hi JoycieJane

It's so nice that so many of you have replied to my little cry for help. 

I don't know what the lady care magnet is. But it sounds like it helps?

I'm not keen on hrt, although the boxes have been out of the cupboard on several occasions, because of having to come off them when I'm older, and having to do this all again when perhaps I'm not as strong. I don't know, it;s a complicated decision. Also two of my sisters got blood clots on hrt & had to come off. 

Yes sleep is a biggy. I already hadn't slept properly for 18 years before all this. I'm finding is I'm really disciplined, turn off computer at 8pm, dim tne lights, have a herbal sleep drink or two, get to bed by 10pm, I think I do sleep better, But it's the discipline & routine lol!

Thanks again xxx

14

Hi love the name

What essential oils were good for you? I would much rather go the homeopathic way xxx

15

haha yep maybe I was too healthy! Do you take anything at all to help with sympsoms? xx

16

Heh Kiddo, you sound like you're right up against it!  Well you'll definintely get some sound advice on this forum, so chin up kid, we're all in this together!

Sorry to hear that you've had such a cr*p time of it, especially don't like to hear how low you've been.  Depression is a terrible thing for anyone to endure. I don't know personally, but believe me when I say that I and my sister have  had a very hands-on experience of our eldest sister's on-going mental health issues for the  past 13yrs.  Very draining.

Anyone who's ever read my posts will gleen that I'm not a fan of SSRIs or prescriibed meds at all.  That's just me, and probably aided and abetted by our sister's state.  However, and this is a very big 'however', without her (very strong, great cocktail) of anti-psychotic meds, I don't even like to think where our sister would be now. 

For me, I believe that these meds have helped our sister lead a much better quality of life.( She's 71 now, took HRT which  she loved, but she's always been our 'fragile' sister).  We've seen her when she stopped taking them because she felt that good, that she thought she could 'cope' without: she was Sectioned.  She couldn't understand that she was coping just because of them.

But she's never, ever felt suicidal, and that's very sad to read that you say you have. 

I think you need to go back to your Doc and tell them exactly what you've told us.  There must be something they can give you, a right combination of SSRIs and maybe some HRT (if that's your bag?), but you shouldn't have to feel like this. 

You sound like you have a loving family.  Sometimes they can direct you to the right help but can't give it to you themselves (that's how me and my sister see it:  we watch the signs and then get the help of the professionals for our sister) - we're just eyes and ears and her sister, that's all.

I don't know what the future of my Peri holds for me, but I ain't gonna be a Martyr to it. 

I hope you go see someone who can help you, as we 'Sisters' on here hate to read posts that are very upsetting.  Hope you find a way out of your black cloud. Let us know how things are going for you.

Sx 

17

Hi there just read your post and apart from your terrible anxiety I can relate. I do get anxious but not as bad as yourself.  Other symptoms I get too...terrible upset tummy, dizzyness and sickness.  Shivers, shaking, tingling in hands headaches and bladder probs.  I have thoought I was dying at times.  I have had bloods done and I am in meno but the Docs refuse to accept my symptoms are related to this; so frustrating.  I have also had UTI's!!  It is such a difficult time but I get lots of support from here and feel I am not alone.  Espcially inportant for me as I am single.  I too am the one usually looking after others and always happy and well but not just now; although I do try and be positive.  Keep in touch with this forum; it will help you get through this. Take care.XXXX

18

Brimbo, I took a lot of advice on here and started myself on vitamin supplements. I take Vit E, Vit B6, Vit B12, Evening Primrose, Vit D3, Centrum Silver, Probiotic and I take a calcium, magnesium and zinc combo.  It has reduced some of the nasty side effects of perimenopause. I sleep better since taking 1000 mg of evening primrose. I still have days when I get really weird feelings but I chalk it up to hormones and try not to panic but my energy level, although not where I would like it to be, is definitely better since taking the supplements. Doctors have little to nothing to offer us peri menopausal women because we are all so different so kind of have to experiment to find what works.

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Thank you shaznay. thanks for your concern. The suicidal thing won't actually happen. I'm pretty strong & have an amazing family. It's not there all the time, the different symptoms seem to be on some kind of hormonal cycle. I can almost tell what's coming next. Like I said I'm the family optimist as life's too short to be pessimistic. So this is definitely not me! But yeh so overwhelming when it comes. I'm just starting B vitamins & Menopace again, now I can stomach them. Hoping for some positive results. Want to have my  blood checked for deficiencies too, when I can manage to get to the docs. This blooming vertigo. 

20

Hello Margaret

Thank you for your reply. This last 6 months have been the worst of my life. Almost given up a few times. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm deficient in something, so I've started B complex. Going to order some calcium, magnesium, zinc too as lots of women recommend it. Hoping it will all make a difference. Thank you for your support xxxxxx