I have had a tough couple of weeks which has sapped all of my mental and physical strength. I am due to visit my step mother who lives a considerable distance from me this weekend. I cannot face going and feel very ashamed about this. My step mother lost my Dad only in March and she has had some serious health issues. I feel like I am letting my Dad down and step mum by not going. I have had a lot of tears this morning and do not know what to do for the best.
I can understand how u r feeling ? Just visit her … she and you both of you feel better …
sounds like you need you to take care of yourself right now. Is there anyone else who can visit her such as her own relatives or friends? we have to take care of ourselves first before we can help anybody else.
maybe you can visit her another time when you were feeling stronger. No need for guilt feelings when you are feeling so drained. take care 
Sorry for your loss. Also, sorry you are not feeling great, but, you need to be kind to yourself & give yourself a break… none of this is easy, my Dad died suddenly 6 years ago & I miss him so much, I honestly think you are not letting your Dad down, in fact I would think he is proud of you for speaking out, I know how hard it is to put your hand up & say I need help.
My biggest problem is/was always thinking the worst, what if this or that happens, on here some kind person told me to switch this to “so what” - this helped so much, but it took a while.
we are all stronger than we think we are, thinking about doing something it so much worse than the actual doing, as only I know too well.
So, my thinking is which is worse, the way you are feeling about not going, than going? If you cant face it, ring your step Mum & explain to her why not and you will be surprised how understanding she will be.
I hope you get there, but if not, do not beat yourself up, only you know what you want to do. I will be thinking of you & wishing your step Mum better health x
I know that feeling of shame well, but it is just a temporary thing. My first big milestone in recovery was listening to my needs and saying no to a trip. After that, my body heard that I was listening to it and recovered faster.
Hi
Sorry your going through a tough time, I myself am going through a very hard time at the moment and the stress and anxiety I am experiencing is physically draining and so I can appreciate how your probably feeling .
I am split into 2 over your current dilemma, on hand I agree with what people have said about putting yourself first and not going BUT on the other hand I always think a trip away for a few days can do wonders, just to get out of your local area and get away from it all can be a big help on your state of mind.
Are you close to your stepmum? maybe she is really low at the moment and the thought of seeing you is what’s keeping her going?
It sounds like it could potentially do you both some good if you went and saw her for the weekend.
If the drive down is too long, could you get train?
Ultimately it’s your choice and you have to do what’s best for you. But coming from personal experience, what’s gonna be worse…waking up Saturday and Sunday feeling wishing you should have gone and end up feeling bad all weekend OR biting the bullet and going and end up being glad you did? only you can decide.
I wish you all the best.
Don’t be ashamed… You need to take care of yourself first!! Would it help if someone went with you? If you are truly upset then you could consider going another time. Only you can decide this… Perhaps your step-mom is really looking forward to your visit-- making her feel good will give you comfort knowing you are doing a good thing!! Sometimes when I don’t want to do something (and making myself upset), I go then afterwards realize that it was truly OK and no need to be upset in the first place. Good luck with your decision.
Hi I’ve read your post and I’m sorry that you are going through a tough time. It seems like you have alot going on and I’m sorry for the loss if your dad. I lost my dad 8 years ago.
I’m not going to lie it is Very painful. You have stated above your step mum has lost your dad, but so have you. Maybe you can talk over the phone and let her know how you feel before you visit. Try to be honest. I hope to talk to you soon. Take care