Feeling defeated and blue

Women's health
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Hi All, I had a meeting with my bosses yesterday during which I intended to ask them to let me work more hours from home because I am so physically drained by my commute and sitting at a desk and barely have time to get to my docs, let alone yoga or swimming or anything that might help me move more and lose weight and maybe help my screaming joints. But before I could bring it up, they asked me to be in the office earlier and longer! It was an amiable meeting and I left feeling appreciated and needed but this is going to be so hard on my body. I tried it today... I was walking 15 minutes in the dark in the rain to the train...and hour train ride and then a 30 minute shuttle ride. I was at the office at 8:30. By 3 I thought I was going to die. I got home by six but my shoulder, neck and back are seizing and the rest of me is stiff and achy. I don't know how I can keep this up! I am sr exec and when the board asks me to do something that is reasonable, I really can't say no. They pay me too much and - beside the hours - it is a dream job and they are wonderful bosses! I can't move closer for my son is about to start jr. College and can't live on his own yet. If it wasn't for menopause and pain, this would be no problem. I don't know what to do! I'm despondent. 

My my labs came back and they are all wacky... High cholesterol and blood sugar, low function thyroid (despite taking meds), bad c reactive proteins (sign of inflammation), low vit d and very low estradiol. I am a mess. I see my MD tomorrow and my ND next week. I'm sure MD is going to want to put me on statins and other meds. My ND says statins will suppress all hormonal activity by suppressing cholesterol production, which will exacerbate peri problems and muscle pain is a common side effect...she wants me to try to take off 20 pounds (I have already cut out fat, sugar, alcohol, gluten, cafeine and red meat!) and cut my calories by 500-700 per day. I have lost a couple pounds but I don't think it will be fasrt enough. I feel like I can't do more and nothing is working!  I feel like giving up and I'm scared I won't live thru menopause. If a heart attack or stroke doesn't get me, I may keel over from shoulder pain--it's that bad or just die of exhaustion.

I am sad sad. Thanks for listening - I'll take prayer if any of you are in good with God. smile

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Oh my goodness Kim. What a time you are having. It sounds like you are trying to be all things to all people , something which we are all guilty of. I wonder if your stress levels are causing you some adrenal fatigue. Might be worth asking your doc. 

I know you love your job, but I think you need to think about yourself at the moment and see if there are things you can do to scale things back a bit and take your stress levels down. You don't mention how old you are, but I know that once the menopausal hormone fluctuations kick in, it can often exacerbate any problems you have. See your Dr and find out what he has to say, perhaps talk things through with him. But have a good long think about what is best for you because you really need to take some time and be a bit selfish. If that means you have to bring your hours down a bit at work then have a chat with them and see what can be done to suit you and the. I'm sure they would rather have you at work and happy for a shorter time than completely burnt out. I do hope you manage to find a solution xx

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Sorry Kim, no idea why my reply has been moderated. I hope they will post it later on. Xx

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Hi Mooma

It says it's because you added a link to another site other than this one!! Xx

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I will pray for you Kim, what a load on your shoulders. You must go to your original plan and ask to do some work from home!! If you are unable to work they will have you even less!

Mxxx

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KIm im so sorry for you, hear we have a lady who is willing to and trying to hold down a job, people have been put on the sick for feeling less than you do, i sdaid it once and i say it again, it hink women going through the meanapause and suffering bad with it should be given the option to retire early, hardly the solution i know but in an ideal world  with the compassion from others which we so much lack these days it wont ever happen. Im good with God and ill say a prayer for you biggrin

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oops ive put meanapause  again instead of menapause, probably because this is what it should be called as no doubt about it its mean alright! lol

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You poor cow: you have my total sympathy.

Having worked 11hr days (like a Trojan!!) for the 22yrs before we sold our Buiness 18mths ago, I used to drea,d the thought of going through thiscrap with an audience.

I suppose I've earned my 'Private Peri' having looked out for so many over the years. I'm defo not a selfish person and I cant stand anyone fussing around me: I just want to be left to get on with it, which I'm very lucky now to be able to.

For once in my life, i'm stumped for what to saysad I dont have anything constructive to offer. Just my 'virtual shoulder' to cry on and the opportunity to vent off anytime you want

You seem to have a lot of interaction with health professionals which sounds like the best thing. Do you think it'd be a good idea to go see your

main GP, armed with your list of symptoms, medical results and EVERYTHING non-prescribed that you're taking, so that you might work out a co

mbination of them all that may work better for you?

Chin up kid. There is life after all this crap. Think 'mum' and 'nan' and the lives they went on to live. They didnt have HRT available (but I know my mum would have killed for it!!). Both mine lived well into their 80s after working bloody hard all their lives. In fact i wondered sometimes how my mum did actually do it! She had 5 kids from 1943-60 and didn't get her

first 'twin tub' washing machine until 1970!!!!:-)

One other point: dieting for me takes 100% commitment, which I rarely give anything. Don't beat yourself up about your attempted weight loss, you're doing our best I'm sure. But don't forget to eat enough or you'll feel c

rappy if you haven't got the energy to face your busy day.

We have a slimming club in the UK: Slimming World. Highly successful plans, brilliantly supportive group meetings (great laugh) and best of all you can eat tons (of certain foods!)...and still lose weight! Would a club h

elp you, dya think? (oh blimey, I can see this 'product endorsement' getting just like that with the Menopace!!!):-)

Cheer up Kim. You'll feel much better soon once you get some balance.

Sx

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Oh you poor thing Kim!! Sounds like you are pushing yourself far far too hard!! You've got to slow down & start looking after you. Nothing's worth losing your health for. 

It sounds like you have lots of proffessional advice, & your diet sounds great so you're off to a good start. Although you shouldn't cut out all fats, your body needs them, so do your hormones. Cut out all processed fats, oils, margerines, and swith to grass-fed butter (Kerrygold) & coconut oil for cooking/baking. Olive oil for salads. Cutting out too many carbs will be a huge shock to the system & can make you hypogloxemic. (did that myself & nearly passed out many times). 

Be kind to yourself.... your family needs you xxxxx

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And yes I will pray for you too. And I'll get my church praying too smile

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I'm sure I didnt. Weird!

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Good Morning Kim,

Sorry to hear of this turn of events. Sending you healing thoughts and prayers that this is a temporary blip for you. I believe you are taking meds thyroid as well, right? I'm headed there as well and I know when the levels are out of whack, much of what you describe can happen. It's a challenging balancing act, I watched my mom go through it (she lived until 85, God rest her soul) occasionally, so while things needed to be sorted out for you, this won't kill you. I feel the same way a lot of the time lately, but I have to remind myself this is temporary and will pass. 

I know how discouraging it can feel after doing all the things you mentioned and really limiting our diets down to almost nothing to still come up with less than stellar results. Some days I really think WTH am I doing all this if nothing improves as a result. But, I have to remember, this time period is very unpredictable and there are going to be good days and some not so good days. 

Makes it very hard to plan or even carry out our responsibilities at times. Please hang in there.

The big challenge is while the hormones are doing their wild, unpredictable dance here is to do what you have already done. You have a MD and ND guiding you through the medical part, you have all of us here and thankfully a great job, even though for the moment it's a bit taxing. It's frustrating to feel this poor, I know, had a slightly rough day yesterday, but again, let the MD and ND do what they can to help alleviate your current state and please keep in mind, this is a blip and it won't kill you. May feel like it right now but it won't.

At home, rest as much as you can and if it becomes too much with work, you do not need to give full explanation, but if these are great people that you can talk with (bosses) give them some idea that you are dealing with some temporary health issues (you are and there is no difference between this and other conditions that leaves or lighten workloads are granted) and can you all work on a temporary change in your schedule until you feel a bit  better. I know my work is pretty reasonable, hopefully your people will be too. Better to explain something than to have them think you are not up to the task due to of lack of interest, don't you think?

Holding you up in prayer Kim. 

Annie xxxx

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Hi Mooma, thanks for the kind reply!  Yes, I agree.  And when I went into the meeting, that was my intention... rehearsed, daydreamed, written in my journal. I had numbers worked out in case they wanted to cut my pay a bit.  I was ready, but I was not ready for them pre-empting me with "you're great but we need you here more" and "we've made exceptions for your health and personal situation [got divroced although that caused me all of ONE day off work while I moved]... now you're on the mend and we'd like you here more.  I was so stunned, I didn't say anything.  The thing is I have been sick often!  Once per month but NOW I know why!  Respiratory infections which I was probably susepctable to from low Vit D (as that is a side-effect) and probably, like you said, adreanal fatigue.  They think because I am over the illness and know the reason and know I am in menopause, that it will all be OK now.  They are men.  *sigh*  I agree with you, though, and I will talk to my doctor because in the US they have to reasonable accommodate disabilities and if she will say I have one in some fashion: mental, physical or even just limitations to how long I can work, they have to accommodate or show good cause why they cannot... and then they'll be in for a lawsuit.  Nothing is simple here.  There is now social support so even if I wanted to retire, I couldn't.  I may be able to cut my hours but, now, after this "meeting of the minds" yesterday, I think I have to wait and time it a bit better... but who knows... maybe my doc will solve all this for me and TELL me what to do.  I see her in 40 minutes.  thanks again... xoxooxox Kim

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Thank you!!!  Yes, and that may cause me to be fired... but I'll fight for my rights and in California, I would win but that will be a long and costly battle.  I have to find middle ground and timing is everything.  If I go back to them now and say it won't work, without really giving it a try and SHOWING them the toll it takes on my health, they will smell a "rat" -- even though I am not one... they are suspicious by nature... just the business they're in... conditioning and being male.

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Thanks for the prayer, Susan!  I'll take it!  I would LOVE to retire early but in America, you can't unless you have (a) money saved or (b) are on disability.  Disability is an option, but once I pull that trigger there will be no going back and I am not sure I am ready to do that yet.  But thanks again... I will think long and hard about all of this advice!

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Thanks, Shaz!  I knew you'd have something witty to say smile  That's why I wrote last night.  I just needed my Meno-Friends to tell me "this too shall pass" and that maybe I am feeling especially doomed BECAUSE of my current wacky imbalances.  Here's hoping.  xoxoxo Kim

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Hi Brimbo!  Yes, sorry, I shouldn't have said, "fat."  I cut out all "bad" fats.  I still eat Olive Oil, Avocado, nuts, flax seed oil.  And always grass fed organic dariy.  as for carbs, I think I am getting enough of those in fruits and I do eat rice products and bean products.  I found a rice bread I like and I love lental chips and rice cakes.  My sister would be rolling her eyes right about now!  She hates all that health stuff.  Good thing I am partial to it!  LOL!

I will try to be kind to myself... but I have a college-bound son still at home and many bills to pay... I kind of need this job and I truly don't have the energy to search for another one that might be less taxing.  Maybe when I get myself balanced a bit, I will put forth the effort.  Right now, it's all I can do to get through the 12 hour days, and buy and cook healthy food, make it to Acupuncture, try to squeeze in a gentle yoga class... I have ZERO social life.  I see no one.  I do nothing.  I rest whever I am not working or purposefully exercising.  I feel like I have a disease.  It would be easier socially in some ways if I did -- at least I would have a diagnosis.  I don't know what to tell people now as to why i don't have the strength or stamina to go to the movies or go to the store.  *sigh* at least you all understand.  Much love and gratitiude for the reply!  xooxo Kim

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Thank you!!!!

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Hi Annie, thank you!  Agreed.  And i will explain but the timing needs to be right.  I'm going to start with the doc and see not only what she has in store for me medically but what she recommends physically.  She may make this real easy on me and give me a "note" saying I need to limit my hours for a period of time.  I know I felt so well when I first got on hormone meds.  It may be that I just need to go up a bit and continue on the good eating (I eat a ton of anti-inflamatory, "purple" and dark green veggies now too -- and tomatoes, and I drink boiled ginger root -- daily) and what they ask from me won't feel so insurmountable.  The other thing they suggested is that although they need me here more, that I should absolutely NOT work nights or weekends answering email and such.  Just turn off my "phone" so to speak.  and really separate; something I have never done.  They also suggested I go out to lunch more and take people (employees, bankers, lawyers, vendors, insurance agents, etc.) out to lunch (and, mind you, they pay for all of that) and take real long breaks in the middle of the day.  So I was thinking of finding a gym or a yoga studio or even a hot tub and really take a long break in the middle of the day... that might make all of this better.  I have been the type to work nearly 24/7 and eat lunch at my desk.  they are right in their observations that I don't take enough breaks and don't separate between work time and non-work time very well.  I am sure I painted them as pretty harsh but they are three older gentlemen all with wives who went through this... they are paternal without being patronizing so my bent right now is to TRY... I guess that's why I was crying and frustrated last night and wrote to all of you... because I WANT to try.  My mind is willing but my body is unable or unwilling (at least right now).  Well, time to go to the MD... thanks for listening and letting me vent.  xoxoxo Kim

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Good luck. As you say perhaps he will ease the way a little. Be kind to yourself and let us know how it goes. Xx