feeling low - trying to pull myself together again!

General health and lifestyle
1

Hi everyone,

I’d been thinking of coming back on here the last few weeks. I had stopped posting & reading as well I started drinking again. As you might know we are trying to conceive & I was convinced it had happened but after a negative test I was so so upset I thought on the Friday the day after I deserved a drink. Since I have drank every Friday & went out to a concert & drank a lot. I feel like a failure. I do fine during the week it’s my trigger days. I even decided last weekend that I would stop drinking for the next 3 months & told some of my friends & that I wanted to help with conceiving. The same pattern occurs I stop for a few weeks then I tell myself sure what’s the harm with just a few at the weekend. I hide it though, drink before my husband gets home as he knows my problem so I can’t drink the amount I really want in front of him.

I felt so low this morning but it could be a result of all the fertility hormones I am taking. I feel crap that we haven’t conceived & this is our tenth month. I feel crap that my husband isn’t as into having a second child as me so I feel alone with it. I feel ■■■■ that I rely on alcohol to make me feel calm & relaxed. I feel crap that what i really want isn’t happening & as much as I want it I still drink.

I didn’t drink last night. I bought a bottle in the supermarket & looked forward to having it before my husband got home from working late but I poured it down the sink & went to bed. This morning we then had a small argument about him not getting enough sleep which led to another stupid argument later in the morning & when he left the house with our son I fell to pieces. I cried & cried about everything & about how I let my husband down going back to secret drinking, how I want to have another child, how did I get myself into this reliance on alcohol.

I need to pull myself together again. ****

2

Dear Sadie,

I am sorry to hear that you are going through such a difficult time. I can only imagine how stressful it must be to try and conceive and not getting the results you want. I know for me in times of stress the urge to drink comes back, or when I have problems sometimes drinking makes me forget them, although in my case it goes into a full blown binge drink of 2 or 3 d days. I think you should ask for emotional support if not from family (I know sometimes family cannot understand or be unbiased in such things) try to find a therapist to help you deal through the feelings you are going through. From what I perceived in your message you must be going through episodes of ups and downs with some moments of anxiety, and all of these things trigger many of us to drink or self medicate. It is already difficult enough for your body going through a hormone treatment, this must throw things all over the place for you. There is no reason why you should be going through this alone. Don’t beat yourself up about having a drink here and there or sneaking in the alcohol before your husband comes home. I know ultimately this is not good nor is it the solution, but you can’t blame yourself for wanting and escape route if you haven’t been given better coping mechanisms or a support in this difficult time. Don’t try to handle all this by yourself, there is no need to and you shouldnt have to. Remember we are only human and we can only handle so much. All I can say is try to take it one day at a time, and try to find a therapist or a friend, but someone who is impartial to help you go through the hurdles in this difficult time. Send you all the positive energy in the world and all the support.