Hi guys
I have started writing and deleted this post several times each time telling myself that I need to man up! 8 weeks today I had my right hip replaced it’s been a up and down experience which I knew it would be. I just don’t think I realised how very hard it would be mentally. I take meds for depression have done for several years and in that time I’ve had a few blips usually when I’ve tried to wean myself off them so in the end I came to realise that I need them and have been stable with them since then. This operation which I really needed should be a fresh start but I feel so low I feel ungrateful because I’ve had it done and I’m moaning I feel guilty because I can’t catch up on the housework my head feels overflowing of rubbish! Admittedly I have a lot of stress at home with 5 children my dads has unoperable cancer my husband has young onset Parkinson’s which is controlled but has changed his personality but I usually cope ok I see my surgeon for my 8 week check Friday and I need my left hip replacing next if he suggests it soon do I agree and get it over with or do I tell him how I’m feeling and risk getting it put off and possibly having to wait a long time as it gets worse? I just feel as if I could curl up and hide somewhere. Is this usual has anyone else gone through anything like this.
Lynne love. I read your post with such empathy. No wonder you’re depressed. You’ve been supporting your loved ones and no one it seems is supporting you through all this. I too have been depressed over recent years and I know that you’re probably keeping it all in. Have you sat your family down and said ‘this is how I feel?” And as for the housework? F**k it off! Put yourself first for once and arrange some time away doing sonehing you want to do, even if it’s doing nothing but not feeling guilty about it. Depression gets worse when you think it’s never going to get better. It will Lynne. I promise you. My new hip 5 weeks in and I’m aching all over all the time. We just gotta stay strong love. I wish you nothing but happiness and joy for the future love. There’s at least one person out there who knows how you’re feeling. Xxx
Thank you so much for that reply I really appreciate it and have re read it several times!Lynnex
You have so much more on your plate than somebody who just has the operation to think about. Have you talked to your surgeon or GP about getting help from Social Services. I'm sure in your circumstances they would be able to offer something. I do hope you get something sorted soon and begin to feel better. Take care.
Hi Lynne. I don't have all your problems but they must seem more enhanced now you are in need of care. Tell your family how you feel and get them running around after you and try to relax. You must think of you and get strong my thoughts and prayers are with you
Dear Lynne
I'm sorry that you have such a lot to deal with at the moment. I would push ahead with the second hip replacement as soon as possible if you are offered it. you know that it can only get worse and the sooner that you have the surgery the better you will recover.
Best wishes Richard
Thanks Marion
I’ve never been good at asking for help ! My younger children age 8,10 and 12 have been fab especially the 8 and 10 years old they have slept downstairs since I had it and the first few days they helped me get to the loo and even now put my ted socks on for me! I’m so lucky to have them I really don’t know how I would of coped! The older 14 and 16 year olds helped a little even after practically begging which is a shame but I put it down to being selfish teens! I think I might have to push myself to see a gp I don’t want stronger meds that zonk me out but maybe I could ask for counselling maybe getting out all that has happened would help?! I’ve had a horrendous couple of years lynnex
Hi lynne
My heart goes out to you. As others have said, get ur family to understand just how low u are feeling.
You really need to put your self first just now. You really need lots of strength to get through this, and you will!! I have suffered with depression for years and like you I have resigned myself to just popping the pills. If they keep us well, why not?? As for another hip replacement you really don’t sound as if ur in the right head space just now. Talk to ur surgeon and explain everything. You do need support and I really hope u get it.
I wish u all the very best for whatever you decide.
Big hugs
Linda
I think your right I think things have just got on top of me. I was really excited to be having my hip replaced as it was so painful maybe I expected to bounce back quicker then a month before my op dad fell ill and I had the guilt of getting my hip done and not being able to help or see my dad knowing that his time is limited and he’s my only family apart from mine. I know I will get through this it’s helped to get it out on here so thanks to everyone lynnex
Hi Richard
I know your right I waited so long for the right one if I put off my left which he says is worse than the right one although not as painful who knows when I will get the chance? I need to put it all behind me or I’m going to drag another year out and I’m not getting any younger!
Thanks for your advice much appreciated Lynnex
Lynne,
Make sure the children are helping, give each a job they are responsible for doing everyday. They are all old enough to do something.
I personally would put the other hip on hold until you are strong enough to cope. Recovery is harder than we are led to believe. Give yourself a little time everyday.
Thanks Linda
I will talk to the surgeon and I don’t think I’m perhaps in the right head space but I’m worried that if I put it off I will end up struggling to get another date. I’m probably over thinking everything and he may not give me a date just yet he said we will talk about the second hip when I see him in my 8 week check but that it needs doing pretty soon. Thanks for your advice Lynnex
Thanks Jen
I think you’ve hit it on the head there the recovery is hard and I wasn’t ready for it being that hard. I think because you get out of bed and take a few steps that first day that I was in Lala land thinking that I would progress so much quicker and because my scar healed so well I forget that that doesn’t mean the insides are healed. I think I’ve been too soft with the older children mainly because I haven’t had the energy to argue and keep asking them and to be honest I could of done with my husband stepping in but unfortunately that never happens. I shall hopefully be more ready for the second hip now I know what to expect and hopefully the older children will help out more. Thank you I appreciate your advice and I do feel more positive after reading everyone’s posts Lynnex
Dear Lynne
It is worth remembering that the hip can suddenly get worse and you could well suddenly find that you are in big pain and having a long wait for your surgery.
Take care . Richard
Praying for you and I was truly almost in your shoes. I left my husband who became addicted to drugs smoking and drinking. I was in pain trying to work and he was in pain but we were not aware of any underlying problems. He would pass blood and I thought it was from him drinking so much and he had a smokers cough very bad but he would not go to the doctor. Our children are grown but we had our grandchildren auite a lot. Well it got so bad one night I told him I would leave the nect morning because for five years he got worse and I would lock myself in my office. My back a nd legs would hurt so bad I could not stand all of his arguing any more. I left the next morning moved in with my daughter. He tried to get me to come back but I did not see a change in him. He died June 5, 2015 of congested heart failure. I continuedto work until one day I was securing a patient in a wheel chair in the van and literally could not pull myself up from a squatting position. It hurt so bad and another co-worker had to help me up. Well, it got worse and I was told if I could not do my job that I had done for 18 years I would have to leave. I left, started walking with cane someone loaned me because I walked so bad, I lost my house used all of my savings. I was approved for widowers benefits due to his death. I finally went to a doctor and psychiatrist because mentally break down. The x-rays taken showed serious deterioration of hip with cysts formation on both hips but left hip worse. My doctor signed papers I was disabled and I was approved for disability. The psychiatrist was very helpful in determing I suffered from severe anxiety stress disorder. I did not want to take zoloff or valiums so I relied on natural herbal treatments. I moved into an apartment where I had to get a walker because my pain was worse and I could no longer stand or walk because the pain was excruciating. I will just say today with all I have gone through I feel like a totally new woman with a life of joy ahead of me. I am only hurting a little from the surgery and yes I get down but I soon grab my journal and start writing or just meditate. I pray things get better for you and healing within your family. This forum has helped me in so many ways. I do not look at the negatives only the positives of it. I am thankful to have people here to share their journey and I feel the love. We are all here to help. Be blessed.
Yes there is a lot to consider I know the last few months I could hardly walk and I also walked badly on my right foot because of the pain that foot is now swollen and painful now that I am back walking on it properly and I really don’t want the same to happen with my left. Originally he was replacing the left hip because of the condition of it and the pain then the pain moved to the right so he decided to replace that one first after operating he said that the right hip was in a lot worse condition than the X-ray had shown Lynnex
Dear Lynne,
An additional consideration is that walking badly will harm your back!
Cheers Richard
hi lynne-you have my utmost sympathy and i wish i could wave a magic wand over you and make everything better!have you got some support for after the op?i think id say go for it-if you leave it,both you and the situation youre in could deterioate. and do speak to your doctor,he may come up with something,please dont go on feeling like this! best wishes and much love,pam xxx
Hi Lynne,
I had my RTHR in Feb 2017. The doctor told me I would need the left done sooner than later, and he was right.
At the time I was hesitant to have my 1st hip done. I had moved my mother to California in August 2013. The following May her breast cancer returned. I was Responsible for managing her medical care and the only child that lived nearby. It was a challenge and I put off a foot surgery saying I couldn't possibly take the time for me.
Long story short, I had a groin injury in April 2016. Thought it was just a muscle/tendon issue. After several weeks, an MRI, x-rays, and PT, it was clear I needed a THR.
Surgery went well, I hired a caregiver to check in on my mother daily to relieve the stress and allow me to recuperate. Four weeks after surgery I met the ambulance at the hospital with my Walker wheels on the ground. My mother had a tumble. 2 days later I made my first post-op drive to the ER once again to meet my Mom and the ambulance. The following 6 weeks were a blur with her PT, my PT and ultimately her funeral.
We spent a month in Spain this past June and walked nearly 140 miles. But by July the other hip had turned the light switch. I will have my RTHR in January due to previously scheduled commitments. I wish it was earlier because the pain is excruciating.
My point is there is never a "good" time for surgery and recuperation. But as the care giver for so many you MUST take care of yourself. Plan the surgery while they are still in the help point mode and don't take those responsibilities back until you have recovered from your 2nd surgery (if at all).
Keeping you and your family in prayer.
I totally agree with Dawron. Your older two are, as you say, typical teens but I am sure they love you and would help more if you had a real heart to heart with them. Talk to them as adults and don't sugar coat anything. They are old enough to know about the more upsetting things in life and to deal with them. Try and allocate specific jobs for them. They may just need a bit of organising. You need to explain that this hip recovery takes a long time. It's not like having a tooth out!