So I know all of us on here suffer the physical and emotional symptoms of perimenopause and it is just awful! Iāve had so many from the health anxiety, headaches, stomach/gastric troubles, achy joints, back ache, nausea, itchy skin..you name it weāve probably all had it. But just the last 2 weeks or so one thing has really been bothering me that I hate to bring up because it seems so shallow..but I feel very unattractive and SO unsexy..Itās hard to explain but even if I feel like I look okay in the mirror to go to work or whatever, I just feel old and not the least bit attractive to any man at all. Iāve even tried (not too hard to the point of being weird or pushy) to flirt a little, pay compliments to a guy within a reasonable age and just ..nothing..Worse yet (which probably sealed the depression deal for me) was that I was out with what Iād call a āmixedābunch of ladies..some older, some younger (Iām 46), short, tall, blondes, brunettes, pretty and average, and just about all of them got drinks bought for them or a little flirty conversation and I got ZERO!! Do they smell my eggs drying up as I speak!!? Iām relatively (lol) normal, attractive, funny, good conversationalist so what is the deal?? I would absolutely say it was just an off night or whatever but the last few weeks have me feel like I have some disease lol..Anyway, not the biggest deal but Iāve never been this bummed about it..anyone else or am I just a shallow Sally?😧
I wouldn't agonize too much over things; easier said than done, but just try to be yourself and think positive. It can be a bit hard on the ego and make a gal insecure as we leave our 'dewy youth' 
behind, but focus on the positive stuff as much as possible. And no, I don't think you're just being shallow. Alas, as woman, most of us have at least a good portion of our self worth tied up in our appearance, like it or not. But no matter what our age, we can always be attractive to some men, and 'meh' to others. Keep on going out, and concentrate on just enjoying yourself...with or without attention.
I get it... I've heard it said by other women but I feel invisible..😩
I'm 50 ( just turned) still want to feel attractive and sexy but when I look at myself I just feel old.. trying to constantly lose weight..( not very successful) still try and dress trendy.. but always feel bit frumpy...haircuts, make up and shopping for clothes all in the hope they will make me feel better..🤔 Doesn't work..!! I know it's not most important thing and work on the inside but nothing wrong with still wanting to look good and feel attractive... guess it's bit of transition from being young and spunky to middle aged and fab... just need to feel a bit of the fab...
Good morning Amy
Your not the only one I'm going thru that I actually see my skin change and not to sign shallow but I always to great care of my self now I look old and like an angry face all the time even though I'm not angry it's the elasticity I'm losing around d my face
Thrnto top it all up I cut my hair and I look worse , so yes trust me I hate mirrors
Ladies, I was feeling the same way last year, I turned 49 and always felt and looked 15 years younger than my age. It wasn't that anyone told me i didn't look attractive it was just my way of seeing myself in front the mirror. I honestly felt my lowest too, my mom told a rule of thumb, she said what ever you don't cut your hair short 😣she is old school. And I did not, i grew my hair and coloured it light blonde than my usual, and for me it helped me so much.
At this age we need to find the happy place that works for us, sorry not our spouse or boyfriend just us. I'm all for, anything that makes you feel better about yourself and works for you.
At this age I really don't care what others think, I lived my youth making others feel good about themselves and now it's about a healthy and better Me😊
First time in 48 years I took the scissors in my hand cut my hair randomly in front of mirror. I have always had long hair. I now have it above my shoulders! Luckily I have wavey hair and it doesn't show all the madness. Don't know why I have done it and how I had the courage ..¿¡ I think I was desperate for a change first time in 48 years¡!
I hear ya! I used to get compliments all the time from much younger men. The other night I had a date with a guy that is three years younger(55, I'm 58). I thought the date went well and he kept telling me I was pretty. No second date. He messengers me less than 48 hours to tell me he's still in love with his ex and really shouldn't be dating.
This is to let you know it's not you and that men are stupid. 😂😂😂😂Also how you feel on the inside is sometimes reflected on the outside. I'm sure you are beautiful, but try to feel beautiful inside too.
I get it, sometimes I just feel like a dried up old hag.ā¹ā¹
Hi Gilly.. thatās exactly it, itās kind of ironic once I hit āthis ageā, LOL, I decided not to worry about what people thought of me and just worry about what I thoughtā¦ And then six months later I canāt stand how I feel in general . And Yes something as simple as hair, can make you feel a lot betterā¦ I am growing mine out what it was when my kids were young and I will absolutely always keep it blondeā¦ No grays for me LOL!! Like everything itās really just mindset, and I so appreciate you responding because Iām sure a lot of people at this age and stage of our lives feel the same and it does suck to be honest. But Iām so glad youāre all here sending you all hugs !!!
Hi Juanita, you are right itās just men!! They just donāt get it . In so many ways. But I will keep moving on and trying not to get too down about itā¦ Just little things I can do each day to try to feel little bit better I guess. Your comment about dried out hag made me laugh but also I can relate LOL it just sucks sometimes. Thank you so much for responding. Sending hugs to you.
Oh yes the madnessā¦ Thatās a good way to describe what weāre going through LOL. In some ways itās freeing to be this itās just like people said it would be, but it also sometimes just plain sucks to not look or feel how you want to or used to the matter how hard you try . Do you like your haircut!? I bet a change is really good and needed and fun. Iām just trying to maintain LOL. Thanks for responding it means a lot. Sending hugs to you. 😘
Lol! I'm glad I could make you laugh! The ladies on here have made me laugh many times! I've been in a bit of a funk for two days. I called off work. Just couldn't deal with people. Now I feel guilty because I used leave time that I could have used for something fun! But I needed this time. I'm going to roll with it and take it one day at time and keep praying and trying to be good to myself. And maybe one day I'll be normal again(or close anyway). God help me I'm going back to work tomorrow. Hopefully my Co workers will be able to survive me!😂😂😂😂
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Yes we have to laugh or weād never survive this hell!!! I am with you on taking time off from work..there are days I cannot even fathom getting ready, let alone dealing with people all day when I feel absolutely awful (mostly mentally but physically not the best sometimes either). Itās true, we need to know our limits and just give into the need for comfort and relaxation..and yes Iām the same , as much as I would rather be taking a long weekend for fun, i just CANāT HANDLE normal life sometimes. Thank you for reaching out! It means a lot. Stay in touch. Sending hugs from NY!!
Ugh yes! While Iāve accepted I will never be as thin as I was, Iād settle for just feeling good and looking okay in some clothes..I also feel like thereās no middle ground for middle aged woman like us..itās either gross, right, sparkly, words across the butt clothes or frumpy slacks, sweaters, button down shirts and sensible shoes..whereās the bad ass mama jama clothes that fit nicely and are nice looking, comfortable and just even a tad sexy without being trashy??! And yes, shopping is a bit of a nightmare for that exact reason..Keep trying though, we will find our groove! Part of my problem is I never actually had a āstyleā, I just kind of wore āwhateverāat the time , and Iām more casual than anything else..So time to really get to know myself and own it!! Thanks for responding! Sending you hugs and positive FAB vibes 💕
Hi Maria- Thanks for responding..I also try to take care of myself and have been told I donāt look my age etc..but now it just seems nothing āworks ā.. wardrobe is blah..makeup..same old same old..hair, lots of gray to keep covering (no way Iām going anywhere with gray hair, not for a while if ever! Lol) Just keep trying to take time for yourself and donāt feel bad about it..We are fabulous and it will shine through once we get through some of this hormonal garbage! 😘💕
Hi! I guess that our insecurities reflects to others.
I had a psychological breakdown 6 months ago when I diagnosed with early menopause at 42. Iām on hrt.
I was thinking that everybody could notice my body changes and could understand my meno. I was in despair and isolated. When I asked some of my friends if they have noticed a change on me they all said that my face was too sad, nothing different.
I was obsessed with my appearance and I spent hours at mirror comparing myself with my old pictures. Finally I gave up.
I try to go on my life and not to think so much. I m sure that our confidence make us happy and sexy! 😊
First I liked the BIG change! I neded it. Haaa haa. Then I thought the one in the mirror didn't look like me. 
Now it is settled a bit and I am enjoying my lighter hair. Why not. It will grow anyway. All change ; all change...
🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗from your southern menopause sister in AR!
Hi Amy, my wife had a hysterectomy 6 years ago and immediately went into a surgical menopause. It has been hell for us both but obviously it's been worse for her because my wife is the one experiencing many of the recognised symptoms, including the suicidal thoughts and the feeling that she is worthless and no longer a real woman. I have supported her throughout, been patient,undetstanding , showered her with love and given her the space when she needed it. However, I got many things wrong but I kept on trying. After getting the correct bespoke HRT and with regular H.I.I.T exercises my wife is so much better and a lot happier. My wife looks fabulous and you would never believe she is 50 years of age. However, she sometimes still feels unattractive no matter how many compliments I and others give her. We all feel unattractive from time to time. So, don't be so hard on yourself and just think about all the good things you have done/ accomplished and smile more. You will eventually notice all the compliments that you previously ignored. When you feel unattractive you reject and hurt the ones who love you the most. They then feel unattractive and it becomes a vicious circle. My wife loves me dearly but has rejected me both physically and emotionally for so long that I protect myself by not exposing myself to the opportunity of being rejected. It is heart breaking but I love her. So be kind to yourself, you are more beautiful and attractive than you realise.
Not only is this a wonderful response Brandon but itās nice to have a husbands perspective. I think doing something very physical on a regular basis that really works and builds muscle will help in so many ways. It is hard to find the motivation to get out there and do it, but I know it would help. And you are right about a vicious cycle of feeling bad and then rejecting those close to you, causing a lot of hurt all around. Itās like I canāt accept it is just a bad day or even week, it must be something wrong with me. I am grateful for my amazing, healthy children and they keep me going when I want to give in. Thank you so very much for responding, I really do appreciate it!😊