Remember me - this is a summary of my previous post.
I am feeling so guilty cos my parents moved out of our house in October 2014 as they couldn't live in a "small space" we gave them which is a small kitchen and a small bedroom with a shower and toilet. We spilt the 4 bedroom house and my husband, son and I took the front section with the lounge, kitchen, toilet/bath and 2 bedrooms while my parents took the back section (which they were not happy about). I bought the house in 2010 from my small sister who in turn bought the house from my dad for the price he paid. She sold the house to me for double of what she paid. She then moved and went overseas. My parents still lived in the house after we bought it as we told them since we are now the new owners they can still stay there as long as they are around and and they had to do was to pay the rates, lights and water. We didnt charge them anything for rent - they lived rent free for 4 years. My husband, son and I still lived with my in-laws in a basement which was damp because of the poor ventilation. My husband, son (9 years) and I had to sleep in one bed cos the other room used to flood in the rainy season and we couldnt use it as a bedroom. It was used for storing our stuff. My family and I had no intention of moving from the basement until April 2014 when our living conditions got worse. My kitchen sink packed up and I had to literally wash all the dishes outside the house for 6 months including winter. We also had no place anymore to park our cars as we used to park next door in the landlords yard but the landlords daughter got married and she and her hubby took over the parking as they both had vehicles so my hubby and I had to park our cars in the other neighbours yard down the road which did not have a fence or a gate. Also we were finding it hard to sleep in one bed as my son was getting bigger and it was getting so uncomfortable and my hubby used to sleep at my son and my feet someimes as there was no room for him as my son took up half the bed. That's when we decided to move to our house and we did renovation to spilt the house so that my parents have a separate entrance from us as my dad is extremely fussy and we knew that if we all lived in one house there would be huge trouble between my hubby and dad as they are both short tempered and to avoid all that we decided to live under one roof but separetely. We blocked off the back section so that my parents had their own section and had our own section. Well the first day when we moved we had problems. My mum apparently got sick and couldn't live in the small space and complained about how we can put them in a small section of the house and that they are so used to having a big house to live in as they lived in this house for so long and was so free and now they are so cramped. I felt so hurt, guilty and my heart broke to see them living like this. I had a hard choice - to choose my family or my parents. If I went back home it meant that we all had to carry on sleeping in one bed, we had to use damp clothes to work everyday, we had to park our cars in the neighbours yard, I had to wash dishes outside again until whenever (not sure if the sink could be fixed or not), I wouldnt have my own fridge anymore cos when I lived with my in-laws I had to use their fridge and I had to keep walking up and down to get stuff from the fridge, my son had to eat on the bed as we couldn't fit a table as the basement we lived in was too small, my son had to carry on doing his homework on the bed etc. etc. If I stayed in my house then my parents would be forever unhappy and complain everyday about their living conditions. I wanted to build them an outbuilding so they could have a bigger place but my husband refused because we found out that my dad had not paid the rates and it was a huge amount that was outstanding. He had a gambling problem so all his money used to go to the tote. It seems he only paid now and then and when we worked it out it seems he paid for only two years and the other two years he paid very small amounts. We didnt know the rates was outstanding and it was such a big amount too. Now they are gone - my mum left after one month as she felt claustrophobic living there and went to live with my small sister (she came back from overseas) who just had a baby. Well my dad was torn between two houses. Half the time he was alone in his section of the house and the other half he was by my mum. My sister's house was too small to accomdate both my parents. My dad then got fed up as my mum refused to come back home as the place was too small for her. She was also looking after the baby as my sister was a first time mum. My dad then sold all his furniture and moved away to live with my other sister in Joburg which is a 6 to 8 hour drive. He has been living there from December 2014 until one week ago. He is back now and wants to live with my mum but she says she will never come back home to live with us as she hates my husband for putting them in this situation. They blame me for not standing up and fighting for them and telling my husband that what he is doing is wrong by forcing them to live in such a small space. They even said my husband would never allow his mum to live there so how come he can allow my parents to live like this. I also feel that my husband is so unfair as he treats his mother like a Queen and he would not let her live like this ever. I am now living a life I hate. All my life I prayed to be free from my in-laws as they never like me from day one and my mum-in-law and I had a huge fight when my son was 6 months old. She used to gossip about me, pass comments, complain to my husband about me and I was so unhappy living with them. I always felt like an outsider and that no matter what I did to please them they would never be happy. So imagine my shock and surprise and happiness when my husband said he thinks it is time we moved (after 11 years). I was so excited to finally be living on my own that I didnt care who I hurt in the process and in this case it was my parents. I didnt even ask my son if he was happy to move cause I knew he would say No and that I would be stuck living with my in-laws for the rest of my life and have to follow their rules cos it was their house and we had no say. Now all my family and neighbours think we "chased" my parents from their home. The neighbours ignore us. My relatives and cousins blames me for the situation my parents are in. My sister from Joburg doesn't speak to me anymore and said firstly she would never have lived in the basement like I did for many years with my in-laws and then also said she would not let my parents live in such a small space. How do I win in this situation ? Our house was robbed recently too, I then got extremely sick and was in and out of hospital as I was pregnant and lost the baby at 4 months, my car was broken into, I was robbed by con-artists of all my money from the bank, my husband was held at knifepoint and had his cell phone stolen and he nearly have his finger amputated. My sister says that God is punishing us and we are now suffering because of what we did to my parents. If we didnt move they would still be living together in "their" home, we would still be living in our home happily like we always did (never mind the bad conditions), I would not have gotten pregnant (unplanned) and would have not gotten sick, our house would not have been robbed etc. etc. How do I live in this house day in and day out and be happy. My husband refuse to sell the house and says he and our son are happy living there. I am not happy as it has bad memories for me with my parents and everything else. How do I carry on living there for the rest of my life. My dad wanted to come back and live in the section of the house we gave him but my husband refuses. He change the room anyway when my dad left as he said if he leaves he must not come back. I hate my husband now and blame him for this mess. I don't know why he ever said we must move as I was living my normal life for so long and was happy to an extent. I cannot divorce him as my son keeps crying everytime I mention this and says he loves us and wants us to be a family - the three of us. I feel so bad cos my family and I have been to hell and back and my son was traumatised enough already this year and he is just a child and I don't want to put him through anymore hell. I am so homesick and wished now when it's too late that we should never have moved. We never experienced so much heartache and pain ever before. We were just carrying on with our lives for 11 years with no major problems whatsoever. Everytime I speak to my mum I feel so bad and guilty as she complains how unhappy she is now as she is old and is stuck looking after my sisters baby as she has nowhere to go now and that she is homeless. I want to kill myself everytime I think of what a mess we have made. I should never have been so selfish and I should have just stayed with my in-laws and found some way to sort out the problems we had with our living conditions. I wanted a better life for my family but it cost me my parents now living separetely and unhappily as well as us living unhappily too. I keep thinking that this guilt is too much for me and it would be better if I just die. So much bad has happened that I am so shocked that it has happened to me. I just cannot believe this. I had a good life and I took it for granted and complained. I thought the grass was greener on the other side but it is not. What little I had before was 100 % better than what I have now. Sure I have my own house like I always wanted with all fancy stuff but I am unhappy. I had nothing much while living with my in-laws but I was happy and healthy too - now I am neither. I am just existing now but God knows for how long. PLEASE someone tell me what I should do as I feel death would be better than living this life right now !!
Yes, I remember you. I am so sorry that you are suffering in this way.
I don't know of anything I could say to alleviate how you are feeling, but I would say that you should not take all the blame for what has happened. It is not all your fault and I think your family have been unfair to you.
I hope you will always think of your son when you consider ending your life, imagine how he would feel to be without his mother.
I hope with all my heart that you find some end to your problems.
Pat.
Dearest shabina...I am so. So very sorry to hear of your problems and unhappiness..please try not blame yourself ...you had your sons best interests at heart..which is perfectly okay, you have every right to put him first...a child is the most important part of a family....
You all had to adapt to a new situation, which is always difficult at first...but everyone has to try....
Take no notice of the people who are not being friendly towards you anymore..you did the right !! And decent thing for your sons welfare .!!
Your previous conditions sound terrible and no place for both yourselves and your son.....please, do not blame yourself. You offered them a living space which they chose to leave....
Offer them friendship and your love..make friends again with your husband, he in on your side.....
You will all be in my THOUGHTS and PRAYERS...I send you big, big warm hugs.. Deirdre x xxx 🌸 🌸 🌸 🌸
Thanks so much Deirdre for your advice. I feel so bad everytime I talk to my parents. When I moved I never expected that they would leave and after only one month too.
I even offered to take a small loan from the bank to extend the house and put another room for them which would be a lounge but they said that I must not waste my money. If I did the extension they would still be living with me right now as it was much our house as it was theirs.
I know our previous living conditions was so awful and I only wanted the best for my son but sometimes I think I made a bad decision as my son was happy living in the same yard as his granny and uncle. My inlaws lived in the main house which had two rooms - one for my mum-in-law and one for my brother-in-law while we lived in the basement.
I get scared to phone my parents cause they are so sad and unhappy and its all my fault. I wish there was some kind of magic wand to reverse all that has happened. I am now labelled for life as the "bad and cruel daughter who chased her parents from their home".
How can I live with this guilt of what was done. How do I carry on as if nothing has happened and that I am happy when in fact I am miserable.
I am just existing right now and if it wasn't for my son I would be dead right now. I pray to God to take my life or I wish I die in a tragic accident or something else as I tried to commit suicide but I didn't have the guts to go through with it - I am such a coward that I cannot even kill myself !! I wish a miracle could happen to change this situation, I really do.
Thank you for your thoughts and your prayers too. Big warm hugs to you also.
Thank you Pat. Yes I am still suffering in silence. No one knows what I go through daily, its a huge struggle.
Things are so different now in the new house. I am finding it so hard to adjust. I am so homesick too and feel I was so inconsiderate of my parents when we made a decision to move.
I finally found a way out of my mum-in-laws home and I grabbed it blindly with two hands without thinking of the consequences.
I do blame myself and also my husband for the situation we are in right now. We both made a bad decision and now I have to live with it for the rest of my life.
It doesnt affect my husband at all as he still has his entire family who talks to him and still loves him. But me, I have no family now. Only my eldest sister speaks to me. We are 4 sisters. My mum speaks to me also but she still blames me. When I die none of my family will come to my funeral. How sad is that !
Anyway my life is not the same anymore. It's so shocking how life can change in a matter of seconds and there is nothing you can do to change it.
Take care Pat, thanks again.
Dearest Shabina, you must never, never ever feel like that....please, just imagine how your son xx and husband would feel,....it would destroy them....please, you have tried to help everyone, none of this is your fault...your previous living area was extremely !! Bad for all of you health wise....you need your son to grow up healthy, it is so important....
Why don't you telephone your parents, they may actually be happy to hear from you, but were afraid ....like you are ....to make the first move....I am certain that you would feel happy if you at least tried.....
Forget your guilt....build a happy home for yourselves...your son needs and deserves to see you smile and hear your laughter....
Make friends again with your husband, your son needs a family unit.....if you were my daughter. ( I have one daughter a baby grandson ) and three sons...I would do ANYTHING TO MAKE YOU HAPPY..xx. so please, please, please...enjoy life once again. All of you...big warm HUGE HUGS to you all..Deirdre xxx
Hi. I do phone my mum and she does talk to me but whenever I speak to her she complains about her current living situation with my small sister. My mum has to care for her baby which is so tiring for her age and still cooks, cleans and does everything. My dad stopped phoning me but I sill call him sometimes. I feel guilty when I speak to both of them.
I will try to take your advice and put on a show for the sake of my son if I have to. He hasnt seen me smiling or laughing in a long while now that you mentioned it. I am now so withdrawn, depressed, quiet, angry and my son sees it also. I don't want him to be unhappy.
I wish my husband could change his mind to move elsewhere and start fresh but he refuses. Both he and my son said they like the place and that we spent so much money to do renovations, buy new furniture etc. and they invested in a lot in the house and don't want to move again. I guess I am stuck there forever now !!
Big warm hugs to you also and to your family........Warm Regards Shabina
Bless you shabina, try to keep your chin up young lady....
Much love to all your family....big warm cuddly hugs to you all...take care. Deirdre x xxx
Let us know how you are getting on sometime when you can....Deirdre 🌸 🌸 🌸 🌸 😊 😊
Hi Shabina I remember you very well. If your mum is unhappy living with your small sister then tough. Wasn't she the one who made you pay double for the house? Well she can use some of that money she scammed off you to make a bigger space for your mother can't she?
You and your family have a right to live in your own house don't you? You did what many daughters wouldn't when you made space for your parents too. Who made you responsible for their welfare? Why don't you blame your small sister as well for taking all that money off you? I bet you a million dollars she would have been far too selfish to let your parents live there! Why do you think you can control the lives of others? They have their own will and their own responsibilities to themselves - who told you you have to 'look' after them?
Listen Shabina you are not going to get anywhere until you start changing your mindset on this. Whatever you would have done for your family they would still have complained wouldn't they? Even the moon and stars wouldn't be enough for them. Their needs are much too big for you and you have to concentrate on yourself and your immediate family.
Where is your anger at them all for treating you like this? Do you want to be the family emotional punchbag? Because that's what you are. None of them care tuppence about you - they are just using you. Get angry, get mad, throw things and I guarantee you will feel a whole lot better. How dare they treat you like this? They are taking you for a fool, and you aren't - are you? Stop being such a nice doormat coz it's only you who is suffering isn't it? Like I said you need to change your mindset. Counselling should help you do this but only if you are willing to accept the changes. Take care. Bev xx
Thanks again, will let you know how it's going.
Take care also.....Shabina
Hi Bev.
I know what you say is true but it really gets me down.
I told you previously also that my husband refuses to sell the house. He says he invested too much to just let it go and he also says it would cost too much money for sellers fee and purchasers fees and he doesnt have that kind of money to waste so that I can be happy !! He says my son is happy living there so that is all that matters.
I know I am not responsible for my parents as they are adults and all they had to do was pay the rates, lights and water as we asked them for nothing more than that. They did take advantage of me by not bothering about me or my family and they didn't even feel sorry for us and our living conditions. Its like as long as they were living comfortably in the big house they didnt care how we lived.
However in saying all this I still feel bad for them. I guess I am just too soft-hearted and that is why people take advantage of me. I hate people thinking of me as a bad person because I am not. I do my best to help others in any way I can and this is the thanks I get.
I will try to change my mindset and try to be happier but whenever I chat to them I am reminded about how they are living now and I feel sorry for them.
You said many daughters won't do what I did by giving them space in the house - well they said the opposite. They said many daughters wouldn't move into the house and push them to live in such a small cramped space. If I was a caring daughter I would convince my husband not to move and to stay in the basement where we were staying or I would convince my husband to put up an outbuilding for them which was much bigger than what we gave them but I did neither of this.
I am going to see a counsellor at the beginning of October as he is fully booked to talk about this problem. Hope it helps me but only time will tell !
Take care Bev, thanks once again for your advice.
Hi Shabina. Well I bet your small sister wouldn't have let them live there at all! What they are saying is that you should have continued to sacrifice yourself and your family and continue living in your mother-in-laws basement, whom you didn't like and with very basic facilities. Bulls...t. How selfish can they be? Don't you think so?
You are depressed because instead of letting your feelings out you are internalising them instead. It doesn't mean you are not a nice person if you put yourself first for a change you know. I bet you secretely love being such a 'nice person' don't you? There is a fine line between being a nice person and being a mug and you have well crossed it. I am a nice person too but it doesn't mean I let others make me feel guilty or put upon me and certainly not to the detriment of my own health. This is what you have and are doing now hence your depression.
Toughen up and take your power back. Your parents made their own choices and they certainly took advantage of you didn't they? Bev x
Thanks Bev. I know you are right in what you are saying.
I am trying, really I am but it still gets me down when I speak to them and I feel guilty too.
I wish they just stayed in the section we gave them for even a few months. We even offered to take out a small bond and do an extension in the house to make it bigger for them but they said not to waste our money by doing this. If they didn't refuse the renovations they would still be living with us now. I know its not my fault they left. We never told them to leave. My mum has high blood pressure and sugar and said she was claustrophic and couldn't manage and that is why she left.
This is such a tough situation and I wish I could undo everything. If I knew this was going to happen I would have stayed quietly with my mother in law for a few more years as I managed for so long in the basement and a couple of years more would not make a big difference.
My son and husband was happy living in the basement and was not happy when we moved. They didn't like the new place and said so after only one week. I pushed them and told them to stay and give the new place a chance and that they will get used to it. I had a chance to go back home to live with my mum in law and give my parents their home back but I was so selfish and didnt take that chance as I only thought about myself. I wanted to get away from my inlaws for as long as I can remember and if I went back to live with them I will be stuck with them forever. I didn't consider my son, husband, mum and my dad as all of them were unhappy except for me. Now after a year my husband and son likes the place and won't ever consider going back to live with my inlaws while I am homesick and miserable and wished I never moved from my in-laws, how the roles have now reversed !!
Do you think I am silly for wanting to move back with my inlaws ?
I guess I was stress free there just carrying on with life while here I am stressed day in and day out and there is no end to it. What do you think ?
Take care, chat soon - Shabina
Hi Shabina, well for a start it wasn't your parents house, it was yours which you kindly loaned them while they took advantage of you wasn't it?
I wonder how happy your husband would have been in your parents house and living in a basement with dealing with a lack of proper facilities? Did your husband try and do the housework there? Did he have to cope with not liking your in-laws? Did he have to cope with using an outside sink in the winter? No I bet he was working and let you deal with all this. He was happy but you weren't were you?
I would have done exactly the same thing as you did but much sooner. What you are saying is if you sacrificed yourself so that they would be happy that's ok. Its not.
Why do you want to be back in that basement? Remember the reasons why you moved. I think you are very silly to want to go back to living like that. You were right too to move as your hubby and son are happy in the new house now aren't they?
Why are you selfish for wanting to be happy? You deserve that as much as anyone else does don't you? You are too busy running round after everyone and putting their needs before your own.
As it seems like you are staying in that house after all well try and make the best of it. Redecorate it and change as much as you can so it reminds you less of your parents home and more like yours. If your birth family are upsetting you then keep less contact and keep any visits, calls etc. short.
What's to stop you looking round for a new house? You don't have to tell your hubby do you? Think of it as a project and put your heart into it. That is now your aim - to move eventually to somewhere you are happy.
Remember you are just as important as anyone else and if your family try and make you feel guilty rehearse some comebacks such as 'Well it was your choice' or 'Well you had to move in because they didn't pay the tax did you?' Don't just take their rubbish. You don't need to justify yourself to anyone love do you? Take care. bev x
Hi Bev, my husband would never live with my parents ever, that is why he made a separate section for them and spilt the house. He would never want to deal day in and day out with in-laws but he subjected me to it for 11 years.
No, he never used to do any housework in the basement. I have a full time job and go home to cook and clean and see to my son. He never washed any dishes in his life. Yes, I washed dishes outside and I used to complain to him everyday about it. He never made an attempt to fix it. If his mum's sink packed up he would fix it the same day or even the nexy day but he would never let his mum wash dishes outside for 6 months. What was worse is that we lived in a line of flats and the neighbours used to see me washing the dishes outside as well as my vegetables and meat etc. that I had to wash and it was so embarrassing.
I guess I want to move back in the basement because in that place and time I was healthy and happy. Now I am neither. I didn't have as much stress and problems like I do now. I was carrying on with my life day in and day out and as long as my son was happy that's all that mattered.
I have re-decorated the house but still it is getting me down. I guess I will only truly be happy is when I move to a completely different home. I will do what you said and look around for a new house. I don't know if I could afford it though as I am still paying the bond on our current home. Maybe some miracle will happen and I will win the lotto - with my luck NEVER ........lol.
You are making me see things clearly Bev and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You tell it like it is and I appreciate that. My mind is so messed up that I can't see clearly but you can. Thank you once again - take care, Shabina
You are welcome Shabina. it is always much easier for an outsider to see things more clearly than when you are in the middle of it.
Several things come to mind - 1st why are you doing all the housework if you are both working full time?
Secondly - Not sure what a bond is? Is it a mortgate? If so why can't you transfer it to a new house in either full or part exchange
Thirdly - your husband is a selfish laxy git! Take care. Bev x
Bev, I have always done all the housework myself - no maid and no help from my husband either. Yes I work full time also and my husband also works full time. I cook, clean, do the ironing, wash the dishes etc. etc. He does nothing. Only sometimes he does the fries - easy stuff like making burgers, chips etc. Other than that he does nothing else.
A bond is a mortgage. When you say why I cant transfer it to a new house in full or part exchange mean to sell it and put a down payment in another house ? Not sure what you mean by this.
Yes my husband is selfish - he only sees for his mum and his blood family. I am not his blood so I am not that important to him even though he says I am.
If it wasn't for him I would still have a family who talks to me now. I feel so lonely as if I got no one - no blood family cos everyone hates me now because my parents ended up where they are now and everyone blames me. I blame myself too for this mess. I am so embarrased to go for family functions eg. weddings etc. as everyone will be pointing fingers at me and talking behind my back and I know it would drive me over the edge to kill myself. I cannot handle a guilty concious. As it is I am suicidal on a daily basis. Sometimes I wonder how much more of this life I am going to take. I just wish I could end my life once and for all and be done with it. Then I would not be suffering in silence anymore !!
I know it is not a good thing to say but I have had enough. If only I could change back the hands of time. I had two chances to do so but I didn't take it. Now its too late !
Oh dear Shabina what a selfish, greedy lot of people you have around you. If I keep telling you this then maybe it will sink in! You are not to blame for your parents choices - how could you be? You didn't force them to choose did you? You didn't force them to move out did you? You did your best for them whilst they were sh.....g on you! As they all do. What a toxic family you have.
Mind you you don't help yourself by being so submissive and accepting their opinions of you. Aren't you angry at them for treating you like this? You have done nothing wrong - they have. Stick up for yourself and point out a few home truths to them. You have nothing to lose by doing this do you? You can't possibly feel worse than you do now can you? Fight for your life and for your own happiness. You have nothing to lose now.
I find it hard to believe every single person in your family blames you. Some might but what about the others? Can you talk privately to any of them? How do you know they are all pointing fingers at you and talking behind your back? I think some of this is the depression talking. You can't trust depression thoughts as they are false so you need to find someone to talk to who will put things in perspective for you. If you can't find it within your family how about a friend? Or a counsellor? You must do something Shabina as you cannot possibly carry on like this.
You are too important to just give in without a fight. It's never too late to learn to be happy, there is always hope. So hang on and let what I have said sink in a bit. Don't get suicidal - get angry! Even nice people have had enough sometimes and let rip.
Tell your selfish greedy hubby to pull his finger out and support you with both doing his share of the housework and to side with you against your awful relations. If he can't or won't do that or can't even see what you are talking about what sort of marriage do you have? Is it one you want? You own the house, you are working, so why put up with it? You have independance even though you don't realise it.
Are you going the let the barstweards grind you down so much that you end up killing yourself? No you are not. Get angry, get furious, and it is surprising how much better you will feel, even if you feel more guilty afterwards. I speak from experience here you know.
Most of all get some counselling and start working on yourself. You are worth it you know. Bev x
Oh I meant to say too - why do you want to talk to toxic people who make you feel bad? Remember you can't choose your family but you can your friends. x
I guess I never thought of my family taking advantage of me. I always knew I wasn't my parents favourite daughter and my son is also not their favourite grandchild. I know this for a fact by the way we are treated.
I just feel bad for them now cos they are my parents. They grew me up from a baby and took care of me until I was 29 years old. This is when I got married and moved away to live with my husband and his family. My mum seem to have aged drastically over the last year and she says she miss her old home. I can relate to how she feels. I blame her for leaving after only one month. She could have stayed and we would have made a plan for her if she was unhappy but looking after my sister's baby was more important to her at that stage. I know its not my fault. I provided a roof over their head and even helped them with groceries as my mum complained that they didn't have certain food stuff in their house. I didn't even tell my husband I gave them groceries.
Well as for my relatives I found out some of them knows the situation and they feel we should find a way to resolve it ie. have a family meeting and discuss what can be done so everyone is happy. My husband said he doesn't want any family meetings. My parents left and that he would not accept them back in the house as he said once they leave they must not come back again. I feel he is being so heartless !! Do you agree with him ? He says my parents "ran away" and never mentioned paying the rates. He says he had to borrow the money from his brother to pay off that account. He said my dad should have at least made some arrangment to pay but he didnt. I believe also that my dad is still gambling according to my sister whom he was staying with. He is gambling his pension money. He will never learn !
I have always been independent and I wish I could leave my husband but that you ruin my child. As soon as I mention leaving my husband my son gets so traumatised, he starts crying non-stop and says why we all cannot live happily as a family. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want my son to grow up in a broken home. He is so intelligent and is always 1st in his class. His schoolwork would suffer from such a traumatic experience. As it is he went through hell this year already with our move, my illness since January this year, our house getting broken into and all the other bad things that happened to us recently. I just cannot put him through more trauma. I just smile now for his sake. What else can I do. So true about what you said - we cannot chose family but we can choose friends. I must remember that.
Unfortunately I am married in community of property so half of my stuff is my husband's and vice versa. I was foolish not to get married via Antenuptial Contract. Well, its too late now to change that.
Thanks Bev, you are so wise. Take care.