I have been depressed for a long time but never bothered to do anything about it. 3 weeks ago I went to my doctor and she prescribed me Citalopram 20mg to be taken daily. I went back after 2 weeks and told her it made me worse. I've been taking 25mg Sertraline (to be upped to 50mg starting tomorrow) and I'm not seeing myself get any better. Recently I've started to have panic attacks which is why she gave me Sertraline. All I think about is how much better off I would be not being here, suicide seems like the only option, I wouldn't have to feel like this anymore. I don't ever feel happy, I either feel completely empty and numb or extremely down and suicidal. I don't know what to do any more.
Also, I don't like to leave the house anymore. I've been signed off sick from work for 3 weeks and I'm dreading going back.
sorry to hear you suffering so badly over this. I should try and ride it out if you can to see the benefits of the increased dosage. I hope you feel better in a few weeks after the tablets become effective. Be patient there are a lot of people who come on the forum feeling just as you do.
Richard
Did the suicidal thoughts and not wanting to leave the house happen after your started the citalopram and sertraline? The same thing happened to me on both drugs.
hi hang in there danielle if u feel suicidal get your self to A&E hunnie x
Hi Danielle,
I've only just joined this site but felt I had to reply. I myself and my mum have both been on citalopram and completely understand this first initial feeling you have. I know that currently nothing will make you feel better and it may be like you are in the middle of a thick fog. Please know that these feelings do start to go away and you will gradually feel less suicidal. Citalopram initially heightens these feelings but they do start to fade slightly, it's a case of 'riding them out' which sounds dreadful but that was all I could do. It may really help you to talk to some one if that's possible? X
Hi Danielle, I was very suicidal 2 weeks ago and my nurse adviced me to get out more to take up a new hobby,do something i really enjoy, I find it hard as I still get anxious when im out but I force myself to go for a short walk every day even thou Im not really enjoying it,is there something in life u do really enjoy doing?
Hi Danielle.
I can understand all your going through. On a really dark downer I feel like ending it all too. But I try and talk myself out of it. Try and keep busy which can be hard. If your not ready to go back to work tell your doctor as going back too soon will make matter worse I know I went back to soon and ended up in hospital. But talk to us. We all know what your going through. Some people Bury there heads in sand where depression is concerned. Don't do anything to yourself talk to us. About anything ok
Vera
The suicidal thoughts have been there a while, a couple months back I took zopiclone for a couple of weeks, I think that's around the time it started. The not wanting to leave the house started after I began the medication.
Ive been signed off for 4 weeks as I get paranoid everyones talking about me in work but with the help of my meds I hope that thought will go.
Oh gosh I took zopiclone and I had the worst suicidal ideation ever. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
I don't really enjoy doing anything anymore. I just sit in and do nothing all day which I know isn't helping but I can't bring myself to do anything. I might try starting to take a walk every day and see if that helps improve.
hi danielle this is how i started my recovery by walking even if its just for 10mins its a start and excise lifts the mood. do try and help your self i know how hard it is i have been there from small walks i went onto groups ! your worth it x
I was like that for months but now I have to push myself,its better if you have someone who insists you go out with them,I have good support from family and friends its better to have someone beside you.
I think the zopiclone did make me a lot worse. I was constantly on the verge of tears and wanted to end it all, I kept thinking of ways how. How are you getting on now are you any better?
Thank you so much for your advice x
Hello Julie, which anti ds have u been on?
I have it similar to that but I think it makes my body week especially my legs,
go see the docs again and keep on going they will soon. Send you to see someone who can make you feel better, good luck
Hi Danielle, I am new to this sight but I too suffer from depression ... started taking meds in 1992 after my Dad died and I couldn't stop thinking about death. I am on 150mg of zoloft and 45mg of buspar, for anxiety and depression. I too have panic attacks. Please keep talking to your doctor. Even get a new doctor if the current one doesn't listen to you. Depression is so difficult because most people don't like talking about it, even some doctors will say it is in your head just go exercise. Well yeah, if you had the energy or the want to do anything that would be a great idea! But not so much when that dark cloud is over you. I have been suicidal since childhood; it is lonely and scary too. My family told me I wasn't depressed because "crazy" isn't in our family. (roll eyes here) So I stopped talking to them. They didn't understand how serious it is. I do understand, when I talked to my doctor (I had to get a new doc since the old one said it was all in my head), he put me on meds starting out at 25mg then upping it to 50mg. I had a real hard time accepting the fact that I need my meds to think clearly. But let me tell you, once you get on the other side of this storm you will be happy and you will live a life full of color and joy! Please don't give up. There is so much support out there... HERE! come here and talk to someone. I wish I had the internet back in my teen years, but that was before home computers! LOL. Taking meds means you are a strong person. Taking meds helps you to hear and distinguish between the demons and your own voice. Please take care of yourself. I for one want you to live a long and happy life. Hugs!
Could I add that when I wrote the story of my losing my keys and put it on this forum, It helped a lot - almost as if I was leaving the issue on the forum.
I did a conflict resolution course a while back and "Take the helicopter view" was the keyword there, ie pull out of the looking out of the eyes view and make it that you are loking at it from above like a movie scene.
Change "I feel like cr@#" to "This person feels bad because this happened today. Tomorrow they will ... ...."
Writing down stuff, even if you throw the paper away later really helps.