I'm watching a Ray Charles documentary....He was doing drugs...in the begining of his career. He has a girl in his band..that is in love with him.
I just started watching 1/2 way thru...so I don't know if he has slept with her...or not...but she called him at Xmas from a hotel room. His wife was in the room and she shuffled the kids off to another room.
He tells the woman from his band...NOT to call him and he was not meeting her at this hotel room she had set up...She says " I have a bottle of Boes?"....And he says I will see you in 2 weeks when we are recording again...I am with my wife!
She slams the phone and takes a BIG swig of the bottle and automatically breathes a sigh of relieve! I was so envious of that "relief" that she found...and I had a brief thought...yea...just a short relief..I started telling myself...I won't get carried away...I know what it does to me.
So insane...so scary how quick my brain forgets. She went on to be singing in the band that night...made a scene...but you could tell it felt good for her to get all the crap out and scream at everyone..without inhibitions. Of course she is acting and not really "drunk"...but it sparked something in me...that I didn't want sparked today.
That ahhh moment.I don't ever want it again but what replaces it?
I think the joys of sobriety are replacing it for me right now.
I am struggling with the "thought" right now.
But, I am trying to assure myself that I feel better sober...I'm clean...well nourished...watching TV...able to share my experiences with other suffering people.
Reading 2 books...
I wouldn't do any of this if drinking...One sip for me and my whole world shuts down...important for me to accept that. Thanks for responding nicole...people like you who understand are also a big piece of me staying sober.
I've cut my drinking down a lot from 3 bottles a day but I think I've had about 3 AF days in the last 3 years so havnt a clue what to do when not drinking
Its good you were able to cut down!
Now I'm watching Lifetime and Julia Roberts was drunk!
The only difference is...she got up in the morning and lead a productive normal life.
I think I should take a ride in the outdoors!
Misssy are you saying you were watching something on tv, a woman had a drink and you thought of that first initial hit being so good. For a split second you could have that exstatic moment?
Whatever you had, felt or wanted, you know you can't have it. You know that feeling of switching off, the drink relaxing you is only temporary, but the guilt and self loathing won't be temporary, but the start of a binge.
Hey Misssy. I know what you mean, watching those aah moments on tv. Then addiction demon head starts to try and get you again. You just have to tell yourself what will happen if you give in to the demon drink..possible death being the main conclusion xx
possible death...now that rang a BELL.
yes..vicky that split second.....your right...the binge effect always happens and is not worth it.
Thank you.
Meant to say how well you are doing. You're very positive and are going
to great lengths to keep well. xx
I get that feeling, like a voice saying "it's ok just have a couple of drinks, you know you'll feel better" then another saying "don't be a prat, it won't do you any good, how will you feel this time tomorrow "
nine times out of ten I can stick to half a bottle, but on occasions I slip up and have wasted the best part of a week doing absolutely nothing, other than drink. So yes I fully understand where you're coming from X
I get that feeling, like a voice saying "it's ok just have a couple of drinks, you know you'll feel better" then another saying "don't be a prat, it won't do you any good, how will you feel this time tomorrow "
nine times out of ten I can stick to half a bottle, but on occasions I slip up and have wasted the best part of a week doing absolutely nothing, other than drink. So yes I fully understand where you're coming from X
Thank you...for putting it that way..."keeping well". I did go out for a ride in the car and forgot all about it.
I am making chicken..stuffed with ricotta..spinach...garlic...mozzerella cheese..wrapped up with bread crumbs and eggs - butter and spices on top...baking now 
...Will have salad...and mashed potato...better than the alternative.
I am not and can NOT be Julia Roberts...
Well done misssy for coming on here and telling exactly how you are feeling. You've coped and got through this difficult moment. You won the battle with the addictive part of your brain.
Like you the addict brain has nearly taken my life on a number of occasions. To the point that my children had to come to hospital to say their goodbyes. And that was because I got very drunk and had enough of the insanity. I was taking BACLOFEN( re another post praising it). All my organs had packed up( re baclofen it stops and relaxes ALL your muscles( given to patients for cerebral palsy and other disabilities). I was in a coma for several days. Sorry babbling
Re baclofen. It may help some but it didn't help me. I still craved alcohol, it made me very lethargic and because I was very depressed I gave up and drank on it. It nearly took my life.
Misssy,I think someone( won't use religion) decided you were were worth saving so you can help others. That's my theory any way xx
I am depending on the tablets, Selincro, to take "that feeling" away. I have not worked out what to do without "it". I don't even like the taste of alcohol...or the smell... just "that feeling" has taken over my life. Drinking more and more is not the answer, but I just keep on going. How does anyone adapt without "that feeling"?
Some people say that excercise gives the same feeling
And I have to agree...when I quit drinking years ago...it took me a couple years to WANT to exercise...but I did...and always felt wonderful afterwards.
In the meantime...I am replacing that high..with buying myself little things for the house..like a new potholder..a towel....a pillow case...just doing things that make me feel "clean" and normal.
No, I'm sorry that you went thru all of that. I have put myself thru the ringer too...We can't have too many changes left. I am told that all the time.
I hate exercise. I have tried the 'reward/treat' stuff too. I know this will be a strange experience. I will give it my best. The Doc prescribed it and it is expensive so I feel I must really try for these 4 weeks, then judge. I am too quick to judge. I also take anti-depression tabs. Very worried. I must take the tablet every day and try to slow down my drinking. Thanks for your kind advice, Missy2. I am just so stuck in my addiction routine. Own worst enemy.
Hi...try to force yourself..maybe not to exercise..but to take brief walks...even if it is around a mall or a shop....Reading? I know i couldn't focus in my first days of sobriety reading...but now I can..and I throw myself into the fantasy world of a book when I am stressed now.
Instead of going to the store for booze...go to the store for something else good to drink? Soda...lemonade? Tea? I have tea everyday at 3pm now...Back in my old days (10 years ago) when I quit drinking I could wait until 3pm after work to drink...and back then..instead of hitting the store for liquor...I would stop and get a coffee.
Visit...do puzzles...get hooked on a tv show...take naps? LOL...Your probably shaking your head...I know how it is to be disinterested in ANYTHING and focused on "OH MY GOD...I CANT DRINK".
What I did when I felt like that...is I used to tell myself..I won't drink today..I will drink tommorow...and I got thru many years doing just that.