First thread

[nh_user_1042448]

Hi everyone, my name is Rocky this is my first ever thread on any forum.

I really need advice or something just to keep me breathing because I'm on the verge of giving up.

Six months ago from now the "nightmare" began, I woke up one morning feeling like I just died, it was such a weird feeling I felt disconnected from myself and surroundings. The life I once knew had become a down spiral for me causing debilitating anxiety.

I was afraid of looking at myself in the mirror, because I couldn't recognise myself and I was getting anxious over the very fact that I was alive and in reality. I had constant thoughts that would torture me, things that were normal in the past become abnormal i.e that I have a mind and that I can think, we are all going to die, my actions have consequences, after I finish doing something it's the past, our revolves around technological devices, we pay for ciggaretes to kill ourself just all those thoughts attacking me every second of my life just a complete misery.

I thought I had enough after two months I visited my family doctor he prescribed me Luvox 100mg I took for around two months no luck at all.. it did help but it to some extent. I recently got on Prozac 20mg it's been about four days now.

My thoughts have went from a 10/10 to 7/10, my doctor tells me they're just thoughts see them for what they're but I can't get across it, I'm afraid of being a human this is ridiculous, even when I get suicidal thoughts my anxiety pops in and says "you can't die because you're not real" I want my life back I would do anything to become who I was before this miserable chaotic disorder.

I look through my old photos and keep reminiscing, I have not had a good smile or laugh In six months it's usually fake.. so I can fit in with my surroundings. I look at other people and say wow how can they be so happy I honestly get so jealous it's hurts.. not that I want them to be in my position but I wish I could be like them.

If I had a guarantee that I would be myself in the next 10 years or even 20 I wouldn't even care. But I'm afraid I'm going to end up killing myself that's honestly the last thing I want to do but I'm seriously losing hope.. I fight with my brain constantly my brain tells me that I'm going to commit sucidie but I keep saying no I'm not leave me alone!

I cry a lot probably 2-3 times per day it helps relieve the pain I'm going through.

I take mega b complex, magnesium, iron, zinc, wild fishoil + prozac 20mg now I am trying so hard!!!!!

Advice please? Anything is appreciated.

Rocky

[nh_user_998356]

 Hi Rocky… I'm so sorry you are feeling this miserable. I know how it feels because mine started in my 20s .   When you have that weird feeling like disconnection from things and yourself it's called depersonalization. It's a very common symptom of severe anxiety. It cannot hurt you but I know how terrible it feels. You're definitely not alone in this.I had that too and I know exactly what  you are talking about. You are in a battle with your mind right now but you CAN overcome this! 

 what is happening is that the negativity is taking you over instead of you controlling it. This is all caused from anxiety.  After a long time I finally was able to manage it and I shared some of the things I did with other people on this site who have thanked me over and over one guy saying he feels 90% better.

Just remember when you feel fear, dig in with both feet and keep  going!  You're a fighter for yourself! 

Here are some of the things that have really helped me and others a lot… 

After visiting your doctor and getting things checked out, you need to get this anxiety managed.   Over the years I have learned how to manage it. 

 1.  what I did was first of all speak with a counselor. They see this on a daily basis and have the tools to help you manage this. Anxiety and stress is difficult to manage on our own and it really helps to talk to someone else. I keep going even when I start to feel  better because it's like a lifeline for me. Find a counselor you feel comfortable with. Some counselors will use CBT which is cognitive behavioral therapy. That helps you see the anxiety for what it is and it helps you manage it. If you ever really feel out of control and can't manage, seeing a counselor would be the first best step!

Remember....FEAR  stands for false evidence appearing real.   Which means sometimes when we have symptoms we think they are related to some terrifying disease, when in reality the odds are much higher that they are not.   Our minds  will go to the negative if we let it, so we must be in control.

Don't let fear take you over! Be a fighter for yourself! 

 2.   Secondly, I go to Google or YouTube and look up hypnosis for clearing subconscious negativity. You don't really get hypnotized it's just a really great meditation.I put in my earbuds and lie down and listen to them. They teach us to separate our thoughts that are negative from ourselves. This is something I think could really benefit you!! They completely  calm down my brain and body to the point where I almost feel like I'm floating. This is such a great thing to do for your brain and overall health. I do this a couple times a day  specially when I'm laying down to sleep. There are many to choose from just pick the ones that you like. There's also positive affirmation ones that are helpful too. I play them in my car and while I take a walk. The more you listen to these the more your brain and subconscious will believe them in the better you will feel

 it will just calm everything down when you  are having an acute anxiety attack 

3.   Stay active! The worst thing you can do is sit around and think too much about all this. It will bring on more anxiety. As well as the symptoms. When I exercise my body completely calms down and the symptoms often go completely away. 

4.   Stay social! This helps keep your mind off your worries. The less you are alone the better at least until you manage your anxiety. Just do things that you enjoy. 

5. When  feeling anxious or anytime you'd like, do deep breathing. Breathing through your nose for about five seconds and make sure your stomach rises. Then exhale through your lips as though you're blowing out a candle slowly for another five seconds. Do this as many times a day as you need to. It helps if you're lying down but you can also do  it's sitting. 

6.  Eat healthy! Stay away from processed foods especially sugar. Sugar has an inflammatory response including in the brain. This will just increase your anxiety and can possibly bring on depression. 

As horrible as anxiety symptoms are, they CANNOT  hurt or kill you!   I have had them for many many years on and off and now I pretty much ignore them but I do try to stay as healthy as possible and do those six things I listed above. The meditation audios really are excellent please try them and do them often !

 You will be fine  once you get this under a little control.  You will have a long great life and you deserve peace and happiness.

if a negative thought comes into your mind don't try to fight it off right away. Instead, acknowledge it calmly then imagine it floating off on a dark cloud. Do this every time and eventually those thoughts will diminish.

What you need first and foremost is to calm down your mind and body.

 don't let little setbacks frustrate you. That has happened to me but I just keep on pushing and now I feel a lot better. 

 I have no doubt you have a lot to offer this world and  you have a right to be healthy and happy! 😁

[nh_user_1042448]

Thank you for reply Jan I highly appreciate it, I've noticed the disconnection has floaten away the remander of my anxiety is my intrusive, existential, odd thoughts about life in general I have come so far with my mental illness I am proud of myself I have gone past the severe part now it's like a nagging headache that won't go away and at times it scares me.

Some days the thoughts come but it's bearable but other days it like hell on earth I cry myself to sleep most nights, when I have my good days I tend to take advantage of them by doing things I love.. I can say anxiety has caused depression also because I tend to not enjoy things like previously most of the time, which leaves me bored and in despair.

Hopefully I can at least manage it even if recovery doesn't exist for me.

Rocky

[anon53727290]

Rocky...after reading that i highly believe that there are dopplegangers in real life.

You sound so much like me that i think that maybe i'm living two lives now...as i have these thoughts on a DAILY. If you have a facebook or any other means of social media please let me know! It's just unbelievable man....

[nh_user_1042448]

Hi Tim, I just want to say there a many people like us out there. I've spoken to many people that deal with the exact same thoughts. I guess we're all in the same game just different levels, dealing with the same hell only different devils.

Referring back to your social media question, unfortunately I don't use facebook or instagram I could give you my skype if you pm me on this website.

All the best buddy,

Rocky

[nh_user_448550]

Take suicide out of the list of options!  Trust me, I've battled with this pain of anxiety and depression yet I mask it for my kids and for everyone else I come in contact throughout the day.  The only ones who know how I am feeling is my wife and my mom.  I do know the fight is definitely a struggle, but with help you can win!  I had a panic attack this morning on my way to work.  I told my wife I feel like a broken record and i'm getting tired of it all.  Not so much that I'm willing to give up, but just tired!  Today I'm changing a few things.  I've begun to read a daily reading on scripture, and am going to seek christian counseling.  For me, I need that in my life!  Might not be for you, but there's something in your world that suits you, find it!  Tonight I'm also going to venture into the gym and start exercising!  I'm close to 400 lbs and am at my heaviest!  I'm sure that has something to do with why I feel the way I am, so I'm going to begin to fix that part of my life as well!  Because I need to!  Do what you need to do brotha!  You got this!  Don't surrender to things in your life.  Don't surrender to the anxiety, don't surrender to depression, don't surrender to laziness, don't surrender to anything unless it's God or whatever it is that you might believe in!  I want for you to be better just as much as I want myself to be better!  I hope to hear good things about you soon! - Adam