Hi everyone. I am currently being treated for Moderate-Severe depression with 20mg Citalopram prescribed by my GP. It was a massive jump for me given the length of time I have actually been suffering from the illness, and considering the potential consequences of drug side-effects.
After a relatively recent breakup, I found I was getting worse, not better, and I admitted to myself it is time for medical intervention. I have been seeing a counsellor for nearly 3 months, and I found it hasn't worked for me. My depression stems from other things such as insecurity, poor confidence, self loathing, but the breakdown was the trigger for a massive bout I couldn't break out of.
I saw taking Citalopram as admitting defeat and having failed. I know that this isn't the case, but it still feels this way to me.
I have decided to keep a diary of my experiences on Citalopram. I would really appreciate any posts, just to confirm that what I'm experiencing is normal.
Please be aware that there are some things in my posts that may be quite sensitive. If you're easily shocked, I suggest you avoid this. Thank you
Day 1 – 11/1/11
After taking my first 20mg Citalopram, I cried quite a lot in the toilets at work knowing that this is it! There’s no turning back now. About 40 minutes later, I started to feel a little bit light headed. About an hour and a half in, I could have mistaken my state for being a little bit drunk, and I was starting to say random things to my colleagues that only drunk people could say. I also felt a little bit twitchy and couldn’t sit still. I sighed and yawned a lot. Towards the end of my work day, the drunk effect had almost worm off, leaving a spaced, caffeine-high sensation behind. Also throughout the day, I was very thirsty. I very rarely drink water at work, but I’ve found myself drinking several glasses now to help quench the thirst. I was still feeling depressed throughout the day though. In the evening, I had a slight buzzing in my head. Unable to concentrate throughout the day. On a more personal side, I realised I found it difficult to get an erection. I discovered this at home, not work!
I realised that I had very little to eat today. Breakfast and lunch were skipped, and I only had a smoked mackerel and a bit of scrambled egg for tea. I don’t know if it was the drug affecting my appetite or whether it was psychosomatic.
Day 2 – 12/1/11
Before I had even taken the tablet, I was having my morning shower, which is normally the place where I dwell a lot on my recent breakup and is normally the place where I have a good cry as a result. This morning, I felt extremely upset inside, and it is something I would normally cry heavily about. However I couldn’t cry. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t release my angst. It was like my emotions were imprisoned inside my body. My facial expressions were on the neutral/melancholic side, but in no way whatsoever reflected the way I felt. I took my morning tablet while I was still at home just before leaving for work. About half an hour after getting there, I had the same light-headedness but didn’t feel drunk this time. I had the same unquenchable thirst and was very anxious throughout the day which led me to find it difficult concentrating and sitting still, and the sighing/heavy breathing was still there. At the end of the work day, I had a bit of a slump where my head was buzzing quite considerably, and I had to sit with my head in my hands for about 10 minutes just to help clear my head a little. After my little head-clearing exercise, I got up to get a glass of water and found myself very light headed again, to the point I found it a little difficult to walk straight. That effect quickly wore off.
I felt my personality had changed today too. I was very distant, quiet and rather apathetic to anything that was said. I wasn’t happy or sad, I was just there. But inside, I was still hurting from the things that had normally troubled me.
I went out on the night with some new friends I had made. I was very reluctant to go. I was quite tired and my head was still buzzing, and I still felt unsociable. The night got off to a slow start where I was quite quiet, but I eventually got comfortable with the people I was around, and I felt a slight inflation of confidence. This is something that would normally require a bit of alcohol to achieve, but I was sober. It was a rather positive effect. My head still felt weird though; like I was struggling to believe whether I was there or not, whilst knowing full well I was there. I perhaps haven’t explained that the best I could, but the sensation was something I’ve not felt before and difficult to describe.
My appetite was back to normal today, so I can only assume that it was psychosomatic after all.
Hi there! I was wondering how you got on with the Citalopram? I am considering taking it after a break up but worried about simply delaying the feelings/emotions.