I was on maternity leave all of last year after my second child, back to work in January (30 hours). In March I felt like I couldn't cope, I started with Prozac (20mg) and went off work with post natal depression. It was only since having my second child that I realised my depression goes back to after I had my first child 5 years ago. After my first child I went through a difficult time, I was having problems with my husband, mainly never seeing him, arguements, he was always out with his friends, I felt like a single mum, I began sexting his friend for some attention and this lead to a drunken one night stand. I think ths is was has made my depression worse, the feelings of guilt as I have never told my husband. We resolved our other problems, I was happy and over the past when I fell pregnant with his second child. We have been happy since but my depression is still firmly routed and I think I won't ever be free of it unless I confess what I did. I don't want to spoil or break up my family, we are really happy and now considering emmigration to Australia which has made the whole situation more of a burdon. I want to move away, start a new life. 3 weeks ago I doubled my Prozac dosage to 40mg a day, I can't really see any difference. I don't feel like I can go back to work as I can't concentrate for long, I get panic attacks because I'm letting work down and I'm not sleeping as my thoughts get carried away in my head and I feel like I want to explode. A coupld of times I've packed my bags, ready to leave as I feel like my husband and 2 children would be better off without me. Please help!
Hi, sounds you having difficult time, I suggest you seek advice from your gp. Good luck
3hearts,
I feel for you at this time, I both know and understand your pain. While it seems that this secret you have is the key to your unhappiness I would imagine that once you start to open up you will realise that there is so much more. I would suggest you speak to a counsellor. As you are being prescribed medication you obviously have spoken to your GP and I hope that it was them that upped your dose. What I see here is either your relationship is causing your illness or your illness is causing your relationship problems, this is what needs resolving first. I would suggest looking at the illness first, if you start with confessions etc you may lose your relationship and still find yourself suffering. I hope this helps you, please stay in touch I am always willing to listen and offer support
David
Hi
I think you need to sort your depression out first if the medication isn't woking go back to your gp and try something else
When you feel stronger you can then decide whether to tell your husband
Your children need you and love you
Hope you feel better soon x
Thanks. I tried counselling but didnt tell everything maybe I should.give it another try. I feel a mix of ashamed, guilty, unable to move on and very depressed. My thoughts run away with me thinking why did I do it?, what would my.husband say? Etc. I'm exhausted, don't want to go.back to work, just.lost interest in everything. My.husband thinks its all post natal, if only he knew. I want to just be able to put the past behind me and.moon on because we are happy, we have 2 lovely children and lots of future plans together. How do I change my thinking patterns?
Thanks.x
Thanks. I need a new sick note tomorrow if I'm not going back into work, which seems unlikely... so I will ask about changing my pills thanks.
3hearts,
CBT is good for changing thinking patterns. Lots of info online
David