After having no sleep yet again and laying down staring blankly at my tv screen all night I yet again find myself facing the horror of what human beings are capable of? We have leeders that think nothing of dropping bombs on innocent civilians, we have people blown out of the sky for wanting no more than a holiday or to see friends or family. The depths to which mankind can sink brings tears to my eyes as this is reality, it's not a scary movie dreampt up by someone with a warped imagination, the people on that plane are really dead? Men /women/ children? The bombs being dropped in Gaza arnt dummies dropped for affect for a lens to capture they are real the same as the ones directed at isreal. For centuries these tit for tat wars have gone on and no lessons have been learnt. There will never be an end to war, mankind is destined to destroy itself unfortunately mankind now has the power to also destroy the world so no one will survive. I am seriously thinking of selling my home and assets and moving to an island somewhere and live off the land, no tv, in essence bury my head in the sand. Not know what's going on in the wider world, just a little veg patch to maintain and leave the horror of reality behind me. For better or worse. Maybe join a commune here in England if there are any left. Would my mind be able to cope with the change? Do I have what it takes to make such a transition. Is the writings of nostradamus coming to fruition. I don't know. Certainly seems like.
Everything you say is true - which is why I never buy newspapers or watch the news. And I believe it is far more important to sort out your own life and your own lifestyle and home life than to worry about that of people in another country that you will never meet.
If you were laying in bed with two broken legs and having problems in standing up would you continually worry about a person you have never met who is blind or deaf? Where would that get you?
Put your own needs first and that means having to make grown up decisions and changes.
well said carmel x
Hi Julie. A lot of people who have negative thinking or (so called) depression tend to dwell on other people and other events. I
It is their way of avoiding dealing with their own situations. And when they are dealing with others they can get it all wrong but still feel that they have got it right.
I used to know a lady who had a terrible marriage and always made the most stupid mistakes regarding that and her husband yet she was always THINKING she knew best about everyone else and their relationships. When you hears the so called advice she would have given them it made your hair stand on end because it was so ridiculous.
If she had spent 10% of the time she spent on thinking about their lives on her own life it might have had a better chance of working out.
T
hi carmel, i know i do it alot it helps depressed people cope and think to them selfs it could be worse. its only now im starting to think about my self after hitting rock bottom, we do need to put our selfs first , and try and surround our selfs with the possitive! because it can make depressed people worse and guilty x
Yes Julie. But the main reason some of the people who think about others and things that might happen or have happened overseas (a plane crash for example) is because they want to avoid sorting out their own things.
You know there are about a dozen different types of depression and 80% of people who claim they are depressed are not, they are simply fed up or unhappy or lacking in motivation. There is no such thing as depression that goes on forever if it is sorted out and it can be sorted out. Think of how wonderful that is compared to say being blind where the best that can happen is that you get a guide dog to hep you.There are no actual cures for that.
Some depressed people think about themselves far too much but usually in a "poor little me" obsessed and immature way and then they wonder why it is that other people dont want to spend time with them anymore.
I used to have a friend who would want to spend our whole time together going on about how sucidal she was. She would get "suicidal" over something like the postman being ten minutes late. In other words she wanted a perfect life. She had no worries at all. But she could never understand that other people would shun her and avoid her because of how defeated and boring and negative she always was.
did she! what advise would she give them? i can do understand that i think alot of people are guity of that thinking there helping when in fact there not. i have met many people like this who have tried to give me advise (wrong advice and hurt me in doing so. we have to listen to our selfs more. do they not realise what they are doing .x
thats very true! there crying out for help but need to think what there doing to others. how do u think they could stop this and sort it out. this is great advise carmel x
Hi Julie. They do it because they are interfering busy bodies and it makes them feel superior and important. Really it is very conceited to assume they can advise you with something worth following. You may have thought about your problem for months or years so how can they suddenly know all the answers in just a few minutes? Unless we are talking about a well qualified experienced sensible professional they will be out of their depth.
Hello again Julie. I had someone trying to give me unwanted advice last week. I was talking to them about something that made me unhappy. It is something which I am unable to do anything about otherwise believe me I would have.
But of course this person jumped in with that I should go on holiday because EVERYONE needs a holiday regularly and everyone needs to escape from their life regularly and EVERYONE needs a change of scene regularly. I said really. Well that has nothing to do with the problem. And if I had the money and the time and the interest in a holiday I would have sorted one out already. But I dont enjoy them and I dont have the money etc. They had completely changed the subject and were generalising and assuming that everyone had the same needs, money etc as them.
To be honest Julie if my life was such that I NEEDED to escape from it then I would change things in my life, not just run away from it for a week or two and then return to feeling miserable again.
hi carmel. u have given me food for thought my x mother in law was like that a lovely lady but suffered with depression but coped well with it. she was my boss and once said to me you live to work had a awfull effect on me as i was also looking for help at the time as she was my boss in a new job i ended up believing her as i repected her, i wouldnt do that now plus she was allways interfering in my life and my sons! dont get me wrong she was a great help in getting me back into work but she wasnt happy at home as her husband suffered with depression and she was on ADs x
Wel you know / knew her well, i have never met her. But have met a lot of people who are sort of similar to how she sounds. My grandmother said something to me when I was about 20. She said that people make too much of love and sex and both are not at all important. She did not love my granddad, they never had sex, so she thought I should know this and be the same. I told her to get stuffed.
You have to think for yourself and make your own decisions. Sometimes people know deepdown they hve made a mistake and they want you to follow them so that they are not the only one who is unhappy. It is a bit like them jumping into quick sand and as they gradually disappear - never to be seen again - they shout out at you that you should jump in too.
People have to earn respect. My grandmother was often criticising me and talking down to me and being all superior to me and talking as if the fact she was a lot older automatically meant she knew everything. She knew very little.
And in a lot of ways I was more experienced and qualified than her.
When I was a child she bought me a typewriter for christmas. She said that if I worked very hard and practiced and was very lucky I would be able to get a job as a typist one day. I had no interest in being a typist and was aghast at her idea that men get good jobs and women do badly paid boring jobs. Within ten years of that conversation I was running my own business with a lot of staff. Why listen to people who put you down? They are either diong it to rain on your parade or because they feel inadequate themselves.
i get that carmel but a holiday can be good just for the rest. but no not everyone as the money to do this ! alot of people have said to me are you going away this year do u good! but impossible i dont think they mean any harm , but saying to you you need a holiday regulary isnt possible
LOL. Julie. I dont need holidays. I work just a few hours a week when it suits me and I only do work that I love doing. I have plenty of time to relax and do what I want. I live in a lovely house where I have all of the comforts I want. It is much nicer than most hotels. I have no reason to want to be anywhere else and I dont need a rest. If I wanted to I could totally retire and not work at all. I love my lifestyle. It makes far more sense to me to have a lifestyle I enjoy every dayh of the year than to make do with one and just do what I want now and then when I have a holiday. I live with my four tiny dogs and would miss them far too much to go. I also NEED to be here to run the businesses even though it is just a few hours a week and to take care of the gardens. I would not want to come back to find my businesses have gone to rack and ruin and my plants have all died either. I have not had a holiday for about 35 years. Even if you gave me the money to go away on a holiday and offered to come in and take care of the dogs and the gardens and business I would say no thanks I do not want to go. You see we are all different and all have different commitments, lifestyles, needs, wishes and finances. Someone who needs a holiday or wants them would not go without them for 35 years. Financially when I do have cash tgo spare I would much rather spend it on more plants for the garden or something tangible that I can keep. This was my point.
hi again :-) thats so true my mother made some awfull mistakes in her life but seemed to want me to follow her but i changed that and went my own way .. how do we deal with people like this. great advise carmel this is the stage im at at the moment stepping back and thinking about what makes me happy not what makes everyone happy my sister told me she as my step dad staying with her i would love to be involved but due to the fact he hurt me once , through the things your talking about he would advise me in the past but wrong advise as he was not happy in his own life. dont they realise there doing it?
understandable! i wouldnt mind a holiday through had a terrible year and just hit 50 arhh LOL
So long as you dont do it too. If they are making mistakes and then trying to advise others they are immaturem big headed and naive. So let them be immature, big headed and naive but make sure you dont follow suit.
Would you go to a person who is fat, eats burgers and smokes a lot for advice on health? NO. Would you listen just because they are much older than you? No. Why does the fact they are related to make it different? They are still unintelligent, naive or lacking in knowledge.
I have had pepole who have never had a proper job let alone run a business trying to give me unasked for advice on how to run a business. This is just as ridiculous.
If a person cannot get it right themselves they n they do not know and cannot advise others.
When I told my grand mother that I was not going to just be a bored badly paid typist she thought I had delusions of grandeur and tried to shoot me down in flames. Yet if I had been a man she would hve expected me to end up running a business.
Up to you Julie. I am 57. To me if you are happy it comes from peace of mind and being happy in your surroundings and having no problems etc. I don't need to travel to a different country to get that. I am more in control here anyway. Here if a client needs my help I can help them straight away. I enjoy it and it pays thb bills so why not. I would be bored just laying around on a beach or walking around the shops all of the time. And being away from my four lovely little dogs would be like going away without my lovely children. Where do yhou live?