These past couple of months if not wanted to be here. I split with my ex husband and got with a guy that treated me right loved me made me feel special. Because of that my ex husband banned me from seeing my 4 kids shortly after that I found out I was pregnant to my bf we got a flat and then lost the baby. From that moment I didn’t want to be on this planet I lost 5 kids in that short time and it kills me. I started self harming again but no matter what the cuts aren’t deep enough I’m still here. No one wants me here I wasn’t put on the planet to be loved taken care of made to feel worthy I was put here to be punished and tortured!
Hi Samantha I am so glad that you wrote in to us today. You have to be grieving very hard that is an enormous amount of loss at one time. So very sorry!
May I ask you some questions? How can your ex husband take your children just because you got divorced? They are your children to. It does not make sense to me they need their mother as much as you need them. Are you still with your bf? How is that going?
Have you considered going for some grief counseling and getting some antidepressants to get you over this hump? I really think you need them and quickly! Would you consider calling your GP and telling him you must get in immediately?
Please let me know what you think of what I have said. We very much care on this site. Diane
Samantha
You have been dragged around by the scruff of the neck. I gather you are stil with your Boyfriend. If that is the case hopefully you will still have the chance of a further Pregnancy and given time hopefully you will perk up.
If you go for a Separation and devorce you may have access to your four children and you cannot know if you will be given custody over those children.
Yes I do understand the loss of a child can be very hard and you are going through a very rough period.
Talk to your GP and also take advice regards a divorce from your Husband, if that is what you want.
You will need support for your Depression so you can move on your GP can arrange that for you.
You say you are self harming and suffer Suicidal thoughts. if that is the case and you feel at risk you can call the NHS Information Line on Tel 111, explain your worries and concerns, they will arrange assistance. It may also help to understand at this time you do not have your Children, however in the future you may all be reunited and then move on together. That becomes a wonderful reason not to cut or to take your life, these four little souls will never forgive their Mam if you take your life
BOB
Hi
Well I moved to a different city to be with family. My husband was to have the kids during the week cause 2 are at school 1 at nursery and the other is a baby we couldn’t split them and I was having them at the weekend but then he started being funny and stopped all contact. So know I have to get the courts involved. Yeah I’m still with my bf and to be honest I’m surprised he’s still with me. He’s gorgeous both looks and body and I’m fat and ugly. With nothing going for me. I don’t think I’m ready to do counselling cause they want to delve into my past. I was sexually physically mentally abused and was badly neglected from the age of 9 to 16 so had a bad childhood.
Hi you are going through an awful time and I do feel for you. Yes you will have to get the courts involved unless your husband will be reasonable.
As for your new bf he sounds great so hang on to him. He obviously doesn't think you are fat and ugly otherwise he wouldn't want to be with you would he? This is your abusive childhood speaking you know so the sooner you can get some help and counselling the better.
In your shoes I would concentrate on your existing children and go on the pill or something in the meantime as you have enough to deal with without another baby. Concentrate on getting your own home with or without your bf so you have a stable home for your children to come to.
Enlist the help of your family and friends too. x
Hi again Samantha. Yes the counselor will want to go into your childhood but from my own therapy I found that you are in control of how fast or slow it goes. It's your life and therapy. It was work and worth all that I put into it and it paid off in spades for me. I agree with everything that Hypercat said. You need to get a home put together for your children to "want" to come home to and make that your priority. I had my tubes tied after my second child as I knew I wanted those two with my whole heart and did not want any more. My body is mine and I control what happens to it.
Hope these suggestions help. Keep us posted new care. Diane