Hi all, I'm 34 years old and have been on dialysis for a year now and have been entered in the transplant list. I was diagnosed with IGA Nephropathy 6 years ago and was told the disease SOMETIMES progressed to ESRD and when it did it would be something like 20 years before that happened. Unfortunately for me, my disease progressed in 5 years, and the multiple doctors I've seen have told me the progression or getting the disease was because of a fault of my own. It just happened, there wasn't anything I did or didn't do that caused it. Which is incredibly frustrating. I've always eaten healthy, I used to exercise regularly and always took care of myself and my body so this feels like a huge blow.
My parents have always been healthy people, they take care of themselves and get their routine medical checkups done, they eat healthily and exercise. They both live very healthy lifestyles, they really set up a great example for me and I'm so grateful for that. My in-laws, on the other hand, are some of the most unhealthy people. They never workout and they constantly eat junk. They are both obese. When I was diagnosed with CKD I tried to get them to make a lifestyle change because they were already showing signs of heart issues. My father in law has high cholesterol and his doctor advised him to cut out red meat, fried foods, etc. And my mother in law takes baby aspiring for some heart issue. I really wish they could understand that the issues they are having are manageable and fixable before they become more major problems (like heart attack, stroke, diabetes, etc). They've never listened. Now that I am on dialysis and my life has completely changed where I have so many food restrictions, traveling is harder, I'm EXHAUSTED all the time, and I rely on a machine to keep me alive, I'm becoming very angry and resentful toward them. My father in law sent me a picture yesterday of a pizza joint that was holding a pizza eating contest (as in eat these many pizzas in x amount of time and win a prize), and he texted "I had to!" My immediate reaction was to get p****d at him. I responded to his text saying in so many words that I was on dialysis and attached to a machine that is keeping me alive while he's eating whole pizzas??? Like, get a clue. You're wasting what could be a perfectly healthy body while there are people like me who would give anything to have healthy kidneys or a healthy heart or whatever. And while I understand he can do whatever he wants with his life, the lack of sensitivity around the fact that I don't have any control over my body is so depressing. In my view, if you have health problems that are caused by your own actions, against the advice of your doctors it's kind of like ok well what did you expect and when I look at my situation it just seems so unfair. Like I honestly have always been so aware of my health and eating right and exercising, yet I was the one to get this horrible disease. Just seems so unfair.
I think the fact that I really do love them and care about them is why I'm so frustrated with them. I wouldn't wish dialysis or kidney failure on anyone, so why won't they take care of themselves? They have the change to live healthy lives but I feel like they are wasting that chance. How is it possible for people that are close to me to not see how hurtful that is. I don't want to feel this way but I'm starting to feel resentful toward them (and honestly anyone that just doesn't care). I love them both and they are both very nice people but the cluelessness and lack of perspective is bothering me.
Full disclosure, I do go to therapy and have talked about this with my therapist. I just thought maybe some people out there who are dealing similar emotions had any advice on how you've managed them. Therapy helps quite a bit, but I'd love to hear from people who've actually experience the same feeling or are dealing with dialysis at a young age.