Every day when I wake up I make the decision that today is not the day I am going to kill myself, but today I realised it will come as surely as the sun rises each day. There is an inevitabiltity about it and while I will not today I recognise I will in the not too distant future.
I have lung disease too (not severe) but am busy smoking more than ever trying to hurry my natural end up and I hope it comes soon.
I am finding life too hard and it is getting more difficult to cope. For example I have no hot water and haven't for around 9 months because my home is such a mess I can't find the physical or mental strength to deal with it, I am completely on my own with it - family nor friends care to help and I have asked a couple of them.
I am on ad's and tried to seek NHS counselling, but they turned me down for it as according to them I only have moderate depression. I can't afford to pay so that's that.
I am fed up of trying to fight on my own and want my natural end to come as soon as possible. Please God hurry it up.
I am not sure how to help,just know that I have been there recently. I am here if you need to vent again.h.
I am so so sorry u feel that way.
What area are u in and I will c if I am close enough to help u, no one should have the thoughts u r and be on their own.
Try and stay strong and message me if u need to x
You mentioned God. Do you have a church family? Have you spoken to a pastor, priest etc. Mental health services in Tn. May be different from where you live. Moderate depression is a mental illness as well as severe . Please know there are those whom care. Sometimes it can be hard to see this after no one helps. Do you have any area depression groups to speak with, through a community service. The physician that diagnosed the cancer may be an avenue to help. I have been suicidal to the point of failed attempts, to many. The lonliness and thoughts that nobody would care, are real.
Something went wrong and posted to soon. I never felt happiness until I was saved in the Baptist faith. It was a long hard battle before I got there. I pray you get help soon. Easy for others to say don't give up but the people in this group are sincere. I have learned also praying for death never works either. Prayer is lifesaving not ending. You reached out here for help. Thats a sign you don't want to give up yet. Not knowing the location and things close that could help now, I feel helpless except for advice and know you are loved. I hope someway this helps. If you have questions you think any of us can answer, please ask.
Oh Hypercat, I am so sorry to hear that you are still feeling this way, you have been through so much, it isn't fair.
I have no words that would help, but I do want you to know that I care and I would do anything .....but I am helpless.
My heart aches for you, nobody should have to live as you are living and I feel angry that you are not getting the support that you need from friends and family.
Sending a hug
Pat xxx
Thank you for your reply but I am not religious and I never said I have cancer. I have mild lung disease. I have no one and nothing. x
I have been feeling this way for a long while Pat - well many years. I always knew then when my physical health failed that would be it. That day is coming and I can sense it near. While I can still get out and about I will potter along continuing what I am doing, but it won't last forever. I recognise that it is getting closer by the day. I'm not bothered. I have nearly had enough and welcome it. I will be so happy when I finally go.
Thank you Helen you are very kind. No one in my real life cares and neither do I much. . I just want it over so I can rest.
Thank you Heather. I don't go through stages with this - I am like it all the time. It's getting closer and I must make my will.
Would you mind if I asked how old you are Hypercat? I completely understand if you don't want to say.
Take care today.
Pat.
I am 62. I feel abandoned by everyone and everything. I have worked full time all my life but find I am not entitled to any help from the system I have always paid into. My chronic bad back is dismissed with 'Do more exercise', or go to physio for exercises I either can't do or don't help
I have 2 very painful corns which make walking difficult, but again there is no help for me on the NHS and I have to pay privately for treatment which I can't afford much so have to put up with or or hack at them myself,
I thought long and hard about going for counselling again, but when I went for the NHS assessment I was turned down as only having 'moderate' depression despite my suicidal thoughts. I didn't even see a psychiatrist as I am not important enough, only a young lady who ran off to see him/her and they diagnosed me and recommended putting up my meds unseen. This hasn't been done either.
My copd (moderate) is only checked once a year with a respiratory nurse and my doctors won't even answer questions as 'We haven't got time and the nurses know more than we do'. They tell me to make an appointment with a nurse but you can't coz they are so incredibly busy so all I can get is a phone call if they can spare a moment.
What's it all about that I can be ignored, why did I bother working all my life for this? Everyone else is much more important it seems.
I am sorry if this sounds self pitying but i just feel as though I should crawl into a corer and quietly die. I have enough money saved for my funeral to save the Govt. the cost of it. I have become invisible.
Thank you to the 4 of you who have replied. I'm not even important enough to warrent a reply from more than the 4 of you. I'm disappearing.
wow i bet your head is in pieces,the nhs is really bad at the moment not just for u but for every1 (blame torries) is there no clubs around you that you can join i know you dont feel like it but push yourself to find somthing just go a few times and see how u feel,it might help u 4get things even if its just 4 a few hours,and u never know you might meet some1 that feels the same or helps you feel good about yourself again
What can I say Hypercat? My heart aches for you and I feel so cross at the way you have been let down after all those years of paying into the system.
I am so sorry.
Please don't stop posting on here, I want to know how things go with you and I will be waiting to hear.
Sending you a hug....it's the only thing that I can send you sadly.
Pat. xxxx
Hey, some people don't get a reply at all. I think you sound so very sad that people don't know what to say Hypercat. It isn't that they don't care, please don't think that.
Don't disappear.
I do get out as much as I can, but I am still on my own x
The mood I am in Patricia I can't help thinking that it's because people don't care. I answer quite a lot on this site but as with everything else in my life, the more I put in the less I get out. Maybe if I stop answering I would get more responses?
Maybe very few people can relate I feel alone more than ever now. Thank you for caring Patricia. x
i think depression is a very lonsome thing anyway,death is so final, i know life can be pritty crap ,some people say life is hell and when we died we go to hevan,why dont you get a pet,sounds daft i know but might help you by focusing on somthing else,a reason to do things,just know your not alone in this and many people feel the same xxx
Thank you Gary. I have a cat. I know many people feel the same. I sometimes wonder what will happen when I can no longer physically manage? I can see myself in a few years being housebound and totally alone.... It's very depressing. x