I’m in desperate need of help regarding my relationship. My partner of 10 years is refusing to believe she is depressed.
I’ll try to keep this short as possible. She’s been through a lot, as have I, in the 10 years. Cancer, deaths, prison, homelessness etc. She grew up in care, had drug issues in her past but she’s overcome those. Been through the wars. Why do I say she is depressed? Because she shows the exact same signs that I showed.
- Low moods
- Mood swings
- Anger
She is angry a lot and will constantly tell me “stop having a go at me”. This makes me feel like I’m walking on eggshells because I can’t say anything to her in fear of her biting my head off. Her reactions to normal situations are not normal.
She always thinks people are attacking her and is very defensive. She accidentally gave our son peperroni that had been left open in the fridge for a week. It went out of date on the 13th. I mentioned it and she says “it’s fine”. My son starts acting up with his food because he found out it’s out of date and she got stressed with me and stormed out the house in anger.
I never know what mood she is in. She’s very up and down.
Sometimes she gets very excited. Over excited. And when I mention this to her she says she’s just having fun and because I’ve mentioned it I’ve put a downer on it and she will go moody. But the thing is, I had these episodes too. Also, her mother has bipolar and her mother has also had these same episodes and her mother agreed it would be a wise idea to try some medication.
She decided to try the meds. But, when she was speaking to people she wasn’t saying “I think it’s a good idea”. She was saying “Joe thinks I need them” (Joe is me). She even told the doctor that it’s me who thinks she needs them. In the past she’s tried medications but she’s never took them long enough to see if they work.
I found out the other day she hasn’t been taking her meds. She had her 50mg of sertraline for about a week but because of the side effects she quit. She tells me she doesn’t need them and she isn’t depressed. So now I’m dealing with denial here.
I can now totally understand what it felt like for her living with me when I was depressed. 2 depressed people is a warzone and at one point it really was a war zone daily. Since I’ve been on my 150mg for 5 months I’ve changed a lot. I can rarely even be bothered to discuss any issues in the relationship because while she’s depressed it’s difficult. It becomes a blame game where it becomes my fault for the argument. It always ends in an argument. So I just stopped raising issues.
I found out yesterday she hasn’t been taking her meds and that explains a lot. I’ve discussed with her about this yesterday, and today, and her response is “I haven’t took them for weeks and I’ve been fine”. But she hasn’t been fine, I’ve just not been bothered to raise any issues because like I said it feels like I’m walking on eggshells.
I admit I had my issues. I’m better now. I quit drinking 6 months ago, got on my meds, and things are now improving for me. But I want to help my partner because I know she isn’t mentally well. One thing I never did was deny that I was depressed. I knew I was depressed all the time, but I didn’t know how to get help and there was nobody there for me. I’m here for her but she isn’t willing to admit that how she reacts to situations isn’t correct and that she regularly has mood swings.
Don’t know what to do but it feels like a daily battle at the moment with everything. Any disagreement will spark a problem in this household. I try my hardest not to ignite the fire.
Any help?