Does anyone ever worry that they are really unhappy and depressed but not facing up to it properly? I have been diagnosed as having depression in the past, and was on AD's for 15 years but im currently not taking anything'. I dont feel anymore unhappy that i have been for the last 15 years, but the way my family are reacting to me suggests that they think there is something still very wrong with me: when I try to take part in conversations etc, i feel like i am doing or saying something wrong. Perhaps I am so used to myself as 'lonely and depressed' that I accept myself that way, and I can't really imagine or remember myself as anything else, which in some ways makes things easier for me to carry on..
It is only natural for your family to be concerned about you, and this may show itself in the way they interact with you.
It is their right to be this way and you really should not question it or try to read too much into it.
What matters is how you feel about yourself.
I have never had a very good sense of who I am or what I want - including within my family. Sometimes I think they take advantage of that flaw in my character to make themselves feel better, or blame me for things. I allow it to happen, sometimes I even encourage it.
Now they are mainly the only people I see, and sometimes I just get tired of being a victim and I try and act and feel differently around them - stronger and less affected by what they say to me or how they seem to judge me. But this seems to offend them somehow, like I am being insensitive to them, or seperating myself from them. Its like they want me to stay the same - weak - or otherwise I am standing against them.
In the end I always get scared of being excluded, and being alone, and I get back in 'role'. Also I have noticed, that if its not me 'taking the blame', its one of my other siblings, so sometimes Its just easier to take it for that reason.
Your family will naturally worry about you - it is the same in all families. Sometimes they might be so concerned about you that they may over-react to the point of stifling you
If I were you I wouldn't worry about it because it doesn't mean anything - it's what happens everywhere.
As you become much stronger and more independent they will gradually start to ease-off.
In the meanwhile if there is something said or done that you really don't agree with, there is no harm in you gently stating you case because you are after all you, with your own ideas and individual character.
So to sum up then, you are getting older and more experienced as you go, and your family will when they appreciate how well you have done start to treat you more like an equal.
If they upset you in the meanwhile, just be gentle with them but firm in your views.
They cannot exclude you because you are one of them, in fact you are a key player because you are the future.
All the best
Rod
Having said all that, I can see I sound ungrateful for what I have, and that maybe I am focussing on myself too much. Reading other posts I know I have it easy compared to many people, and in many ways I have a stable and supportive family so I don't mean to over dramatise.... I am sure everyone has some sort of issue with their family - no family is perfect... So I will try and focus on that.
Thank you, I really appreciate your advice. I suspect I probably sound younger than I really am, but your advice still makes sense, so thanks again
Tryagain, I sometimes think some families don't like a break in the status quo. They expect you to behave in a certain way and when you don't it throws them off. For some reason my Mother is very negative about me going back to university. She doesn't believe I can do it and doesn't even like me bringing up the topic. I don't know what her problem is as I have a Masters of Justice so clearly have no problems going back to university to study. It is almost like she doesn't want me to better myself. I'm currently a fullt-time carer of my special needs daughter but have always made it clear that I intend to go back to study and work. I just don't understand it. It would not impact my daughter's care in anyway, as I intend to study while she is at school and have chosen a field that will have flexible job options.
You are not over dramatising. This is your life and you are entitled to feel how you feel. Yes, there will always be people out there who have it worse off. This doesn't mean your concerns are not just as legitimate and valued as theirs.