Going back to work after a year dealing with anxiety.

Mental health
1

Hey, I guess to start off I will explain how it all started.

About a year and a half ago I moved in with my then boyfriend of 5 yrs, I have always lived with my family so this was the first time I was on my own.

So being independent for the first time, long travel from work & home, and issues with my ex all took a toll on me. My ex had been very controlling and I severely regret living with him, he bossed me around and demanded I do everything his way. Constantly insulting my weight and looks, I am glad to say I walked away from him.

It started slowly the anxiety, first feeling dizzy at work, then the panic attacks. One day I was just sitting at my desk and the next thing I knew I couldn't focus, I had trouble breathing and felt scared. I had to rush to a clinic nearby where I discovered I had my first panic attack. Unfortunately it happened 2 more times at my job, this all happened while still living with my ex.

I remember he made me feel awful about taking time off to heal, insisting I was fine and needed to get over it. He even told others I had a high blood pressure issue instead of a panic attack, which wasn't true but he wanted to blame my weight.

I couldn't heal properly with him also drinking a lot and picking fights with me. One day I realized I just couldn't forgive him anymore and walked away, I moved back in with my family and feel a lot safer.

I decided to also leave my old job and go back to school so I took a medical billing course online. I even began therapy and went on medication, although my parents disapprove of it saying it's unnecessary. I know though it's my choice to make and I need to start a long road to recovery.

My ex has tried to call and text me but I blocked him, he was toxic and I have heard gossip he trash talked me to look like a villain. I made it clear to everyone I am moving on and don't care what he or anyone else is saying.

Anyway after my course online is done, I started job hunting again. I haven't had much luck but recently a pharmacy called me a couple times. They seem interested in hiring me, I am both excited and nervous about returning to work.

Sometimes I fear panicking like in the past, yet I am determined to try.

I dealt with dizziness, shaking, heart palpitations, and dry mouth a lot last year. This year I mainly get dizzy or neasua, the shaking is rare now. With medicine, I deal with it better. I am currently on 30mg of paroxetine. It may get bumped up to 40 soon. I haven't had any panic attacks since last year which is a good sign.

Everyone tells me not to worry, that I can do it. I haven't mentioned to my possible new employer any of my past problems.

I don't want to lose a new job because of my fears. I sometimes still feel overwhelmed in certain situations and try to focus on remaining calm. So far no issues just yet, but I wonder should I been honest with my new boss and coworkers about my anxiety or keep it to myself unless I feel weird?

2

Hi erika , your story sounds just like my story I posted back in the winter , I myself was in a relationship with a non supportive sociopath , and we lived together as well , things were already going horrible at home with him and I , and my job is very stressful also , I work in a call center for a utility company here in my city where I live , anyway one day I was at work at my desk and all of a sudden I feel this rush of adrenaline come over me I started shaking , heart racing can't catch my breath and my neck and shoulder muscles just got really tense to where I could barley move , I was rushed to the emergency room I thought something extremely seriously was happening to me , I was so so scared , when I got there the did I cat scan of my head ,,took blood work , and a ekg for my heart, said everything said I was fine , I thought it was all said and done , then almost everyday after that I kept having full blown panic attacks could not get it under control , to the point where I wasn't eating and slipping into depression, and my boyfriend was like getting mad at me for being sick and not having his dinner cooked and not wanting to have sex , so he started cheating on me and things got even worse than they already were, so I moved back home with my dad and had to come out of work for almost 4 months , I finally went back to work in april that was a struggle and everyday is still a struggle but not as bad as back in the winter

3

I'll have to private message you since its not posting my comment

4

Hi Erika,

Firstly you are really courageous to go back to work after that time off. You got ur priorities right sorting ur health out without the stresses of work.

A long time ago I had year off work too and was super scared to return especially seeing as some staff knew about my problems.

If you do feel anxiety at work you can rely on ur focussing to remain calm . But you already have made many positive steps to change ur life for better like ditching the ex, moving back home, having the paroxetine (I too am on this 40mg). Remember ur on an upwards spiral and I wouldn't worry about if you have told your boss or not. If it does happen you will deal with it. You don't have to say you have been suffering with it for long.

I didn't with my job.

Hope this helps.

5

Thanks

You are right, I deal with it as it comes and focus on work.

6

You did a great job caring job yourself and made some fantastic decisions along the way. Very lovely. 

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I dont  think you should say anything. Maybe be no need ever. Youll be seen as negative and as a liability. If something goes awry then deal with it. The meds seem to be working well. Ginger works very well in dizzy, you might want to start adding that to your diet. Fresh ginger one inch juiced with an apple or pear and a couple of stalk of celery..might help the dizzy stuff nicely. It was the original aid for being dizzy and still work nicely,

8

Ah, I will look into that. I have tried ginger tea before.

Yeah I think it is best I stay quiet about my anxiety unless things get hard to handle.

9

I'm just curious did you ever tell anyone at your old job? I'm sure they seen you freaking out or leave to go get checked. I just wondered how they would handled it? I don't have anxiety that bad I'm still able to work but part of me wants 2 tell my boss but another part doesn't because I don't know how he would react he would prolly just say o what's anxiet?? Alot of ppl don't know what anxiety is.

Mackie

10

Oh yeah, at my former job a lot of people knew about my panic attacks and knew I was getting treatment. They were very understanding about it and were even worried about me.

If you feel it's gotten to a point where you need to talk to your boss, maybe have a private discussion and letting him/her know you need treatment or might need to work less hours.

I believe your boss will understand even if he/she doesn't full get anxiety.

11

I was on meds for 4-6 months. I got off no issues just make sure your diet / exercise / sleep is on point and you will be fine. Ask your doctor for Xanax for emergencys so you don't get fired. I personally didn't have Xanax I used rescue remedy because my doctor didn't allow benzos and I got thru just fine.

12

Thanks for the response.

Don't think it's gotten 2 that point yet. I'm not on meds or anything yet. Glad everyone at your former job was so understanding Understanding what your going through for them is the first step..

Mackie

13

Hm, I will see. I had Xanax in the past and was on a low dose, but when I switched doctors my new one said Xanax was addicting and had me switch.

I could see about asking again.