Going on a year of this...

I wanna apologize in advance for the long post. I’m a 27 year old female with general anxiety and health anxiety. My first time experiencing anxiety was about 5 years ago. I was in and out of the ER and Doctors finally one day after a test I was happy with the results and just snapped out of it... 

Well here I am 5 years later I’m back on this roller coaster it all started back in February when I started having this weird pain in the top of my head that would last a few minutes then go away later in February I had severe leg cramps and that pain in the top of my head went to the ER they did a CT of my head and ultrasound of my legs and blood work with flu test all came back normal except I had the flu.

Thinking that was the worse of my problems I let the flu work it’s course (I had it to long to actually treat the flu I had to treat the symptoms.) 

Come later in March I was still having that pain in my head went to my GP and shamelessly begged him for a MRI/MRA (I hate those things) he order one and after almost a month to get it done i finally got it done and it came back guess what normal no change since the last MRI I had 5 years ago. I tried to move past it but anxiety being the devil it is won’t let me.. My mind thinks the MRI missed something (I know I know test like that don’t lie but tell my mind that) I have a fear of aneurysm and tumors. I know the symptoms to almost everything Meningitis, Aneurysms, etc 

In June I was in a car accident which involved me going to the hospital everything check out alright but 2 days later I started having pain in my arm and shoulder and neck thought it was just sore went back to the GP in October and he ordered a MRI on my neck which showed I had arthritis in my neck in the C4 C5 or C6 something in that area 

And again I can’t shake the feeling that something was missed here it is a year later and I’m still having the weird head pains and no one can give me answers.. 

Every little thing freaks me out I find myself staring in the mirror to see if my eyes are  drooping or my pupils are dialated or if I feel a slight tingle in my face I freak out or the slightest pain in my head or I get neck pain or pain above my eye or in my eye  I do something have numbness over my right eye sends me into panic mode.  I check my blood pressure 3 times a day in each arm it’s driving me crazy and I’m driving people around me crazy. My mom said that I won’t be happy even if they cut open my head and looked around inside. My best friend tells me that she don’t get what I’m anxious about and other friends they try but honestly they just don’t don’t understand. 

I currently have a cold or something that results in me coughing a lot and causing my head and stomach to hurt and or course I’m freaking out. I’m going to list some of my symptoms down below thank you for taking the time to read my post... 

Headpain (Sometimes headache) 

Sometimes lightheaded 

Looks like film is over my eye (Been to the eye doctor said all is fine) 

Pain my neck and shoulders 

That’s just to name a few if it’s anxiety it’s a monster thank you for your time 

Oh I should also mention that I hate being alone it freaks me out like I’m scared sometimes going to happen and no one going to know till they get home (I still live at home with my mom) and I recently started getting anxiety for other people like I constantly worry about my mom,other family and friends 

Health anxiety is horrendous and I feel for you as I too have it.. when you focus on something the Brain is powerful even tho it is there for a moment our mind can prolong it and even make it worse.. which keeps us in the paint and fear and panic cycle.. it's so debilitating and no one who hasn't went through it will understand how frightening and unwell it makes you.. I had got it under control but it's coming back and am really struggling to fight it off.. I refuse to go to doctors now as they make me more ill and all they can offer me is anti depressants and I refuse them as out of desperation before I took them and they made me even worse. So my only option now is to self talk myself down and out of it.. which some days isn't easy.. hope you feel better soon