Got herpes? Don't panic!

Sexual health
1

I posted on another discussion and felt it helped others, so thought I'd post this by itself. 

In 1997, only a few months after we had our 1st child,  I contracted HSV1 genitally from oral sex from husband with a small cold sore on corner of his mouth. We did not realize oral cold sores were herpes.  Surprise!  I had a whopper of an initial outbreak that lasted few weeks but never had another in nearly two decades.   Although for some time I was certain my life was over as I knew it.  I spent a lot of time researching HSV1/HSV2, reading other's stories. Thought I would add mine.

After almost 20 years, I still remember the panic, the worry, feeling  I was "damaged".  My hubby and I were kids and way too young to even be married (19)..  Our marriage was very rocky. If we divorced, how could I ever find another with "THIS"???   I swear a day didnt pass for months without me having a mirror between my legs searching for the looming sores I was sure would come any day. I was traumatized by initial outbreak.  It was awful.  I had minimun of 20 open sores, swelling, and sharp pain - like when salt/lemon gets in cut. Two decades has not helped me forget. I feel for everyone with this (and other) virus without cure.  No one chooses to get this.  I felt betrayed that my hubby gave it to me but also accepted that neither he nor I knew a small cold sore on the corner of his mouth was herpes.  

I will guess most people felt betrayed after realizing they contracted herpes.  That is why I think many people feel need to inform any potential partner of their infection.  Admirable?  Yes.  Would I?  No way. Especially if he/she knows ANYONE you know, which is more than likely.  The risk of  psychological harm to you (or anyone with HSV) by hateful gossip is worse than small risk of being contagious (provided you be absolute certain you have no symptoms) with what really amounts to basically a benign skin condition. I would never, under any circumstances have any sexual contact with sores/symptoms.  There IS a difference between being relatively safe while protecting your privacy and being aware you are quite contagious but passing it along anyway because the other person didn't ask.  That is probably how many have gotten it.  Even if it is basically a skin condition and won't kill you, it isn't pleasant have sores on genitals/mouth and will likely result in that person also spreading it.

I found this on CDC's website (as to why they do not recommend routine HSV1 or HSV2 testing if person has no symptoms):  "It is not clear that the identification of persons with HSV infection would decrease the spread of HSV in the population. There is no evidence that detection of HSV infection through testing of persons with no symptoms suggestive of herpes leads to a change their sexual behavior." 

The CDC doesn't recommend routine testing because they don't think it would affect a person's behavior.  Hmmm.  Good enough for me.  No way would I announce it.  If I was dating, having casual sex, etc. and person asked me, if real close, then yes I would. If it's not looking like love, I'd decline on sex instead of lying.  No disclosure is different than lying....to me anyway. I  know of probably a dozen people I grew up with that I have heard slashed by genital herpes rumors.  I always shrug off with "Oh, probably just rumors started by jealous or vengful ex and is a lie!"  But that is me.  I assure you many are not like that.  And honestly, if I were in situation where a relationship came into the picture with someone I heard herpes rumors of, it would likely affect my decision.   

I've read a lot about herpes and see huge variations in symptoms, being contagious and how often person has OB's.  Looks like most people have less OB's the longer they have virus. I have read many stories where the person has bad OB's and then it just stops. Herpes simplex virus is an interesting virus (NOT the having it part) in a biological sense, with that it affects one person to another so differently.  I assume it is how our individual antibodies handle the virus. I think the virus goes dormant, hiding out in the nervous system, after it is attacked by a person's  antibodies.  Maybe some people, or with time, virus cannot get a good "hold" to create symtoms because the body is trained how to quickly destroy the virus right away when it attempts to 'come out of hiding."  My thoughts...I don't know if there is a scientific explanation.

I also want to mention  that hubby and I had 4 more kids after initial OB, all vaginally.  I see many women worry about that.  Of course if you did have OB and went into labor you need a ceserean.  I was offered one of the suppession medications at end of pregnancy but I refused every time as I thought "Why would i have outbreak now after X years?" - Each pregnancy being farther out from 1997 initial OB. I would NOT have refused meds though if Id had OB's.

The best advice I got a few months after I had become infected (that allowed me to put the mirror away and stop the worry)  was this:

"Let your body take care of itself.  Don't worry about it!  Forget it and it will forget you!  (Yes, I know its not that simple, but her reasoning was that the more a person dwells on something, the more often it seems to occur.  Self fulfilling prophecy, if you will.)  I don't know if that is all crap, but I know from experience if I get a headache and start in with "Go away!  I hope it doesn't go all day.  This is a bad day for this!" or think   "Please don't let my back spasm the day of my son's birthday as I've got so much to do!", etc., I set myself up for trouble.  I have trained myself (usually - lol) to live and let live.  Get a bad headache?  I accept I got a headache and go on with my day.  Almost always it disappears without me even realizing it, until I recall I even had a bad headache (or whatever) earlier.  At near 40 years old, with 5 kids, one a college student now, getting married very young, breaking up with hubby, dating someone new,  reuniting with hubby - with more stressful moments than I care to remember -  if I learned a thing in my life it is that being POSITIVE, even when standing knee deep in crap, is extremely powerful.  

"If you think you can, you can.  If you think you can't, you can't.  Either way you are right."

Assume comes from the poem, 'THE VICTOR' (think that is title)

If you think you are beaten, you are.

If you think you dare not, you don't.

If you like to win, but think you can't,

It's almost certain you won't.

If you think you'll lose, you're lost.

For out of the world we find

Success begins with a fellow's will --

It's all in the state of mind.

If you think you are outclassed, you are

You've got to think high to rise.

You've got to be sure of yourself before

You can win the prize.

Life's battles don't always go

To the stronger or faster man.

But sooner or later, the man who wins

Is the man who thinks he CAN.

Helped me be positive about everything, even herpes, in my life.

 

2

Thank you for sharing this I recently contracted this By a girl who mention nothing to me about and this was our second time having sex, but I've gotten all the meds and I'm just still looking at the initial breakout because the Scars from the Soares are still there, I just don't want any breakouts happening l. Did you have any after the initial breakout

3

No I did not in near 20 years.  I cant say I never will but I won't be worrying about it.  If I do someday, then I do. 

As i wrote, I remember all too well the devastation when I had that initial outbreak.  Try not to freak out.  It's not the end of the world and likely in time, it won't seem like that big of deal.

I am sorry this girl did not tell you, but as I said above there is such stigma with herpes it is hard to tell someone unless very close. I don't know situation revolving around your relationship, but like to think she did not have sex while having symptoms.  It is possible she is unaware she has it herself as many don't have symptoms.

I never used any medication but have read that it can help shorten or stop outbreaks.  Do you know if you have Type 1 or Type 2?  I have Type 1 which is typically thought of as oral HSV, but is seen increasingly as genital herpes due to increase in oral sex (or so I read).  My understanding is when the typical oral variety, HSV1, is spread to genitals, it is usually not as aggressive because it is out of its 'normal' area.  Same if you were to get HSV2 on your mouth, which I think is rather rare. So if you have HSV1, as I do, it is more common to be a mild version with few, if any, OB.  But even if you have the HSV2, don't panic because I have read countless people with that type that also have one or 2 outbreaks and no more with years passed. I've also read of people with the so called milder type HSV1 genitally that get frequent breakouts.  This virus is so different person to person.  Some have had success taking Lysine which is an amino acid (find in supplements/vitamin areas), with belief that it interfers with the DNA replication of the virus.  Look it up.  You will be okay, more outbreaks or not!

 

4

Ok I will thank you

5

Thank you for sharing your story, it gives me hope.

I found I had type 1 a couple of months ago because of an initial outbreak, I was devastated for a month but then I thought I'm not going to let this disease ruin my life.

So Im being positive and hopefully I don't get any ob anything soon or never.

6

I don't know i have to disagree with this ...

At least with hsv type 2 because you don't have to have any symptoms or any visible to be shedding the virus .. That is relatively how I got mine ... And it's not right to hide that type of thing rather it's At risk for drama or not .. I don't think that it's right to put that type of information in people mind . People . Virus sheds with no known sores ..

Why risk that ?

I mean the way I reacted to getting diagnosed with this stuff I would never want someone to go through this at all .. It's a scary thought . So hiding this type of thing is out of the question.. If you are planning to be sexually active with anyone and you have hsv 2, you should alert someone ..

And if you are planning to get oral , kiss or any of that extra stuff and you have a past with Cold sores

You should definitely alert them of your past with cold sores...

It's just simple facts .

either way you are risking it with the virus since it sheds . Especially with Type 2 , you can have a condom on . It slips down and that's automatic skin to skin contact.

If you ask me there is nothing more safer then being safe .. New partners and all .

7

So wait I can't Kiss my partner if I don't have cold sores or anything