Hello, so I'm posting again here but I just wanted to let something out of my chest. I came back home in order to get support from my family for anxiety. My dad has been taking me to different doctors and has been spending a lot of money on my diagnosis etc. However I feel guilty because he has a lot of stres and now I am also one more stress for him. That is why I try not to only talk about how i'm feeling (since he gets stressed and makes me more anxious) because I don't want to add any more stress to his life. But now I told him I am still dizzy and he got so mad at me. He has a really bad temper and he started yelling at me. Saying that what did he do wrong for having to deal with this. Telling me that he has cancelled a lot of job appointonments to take me to doctors and that i don't care how he is feeling and that I will make me lose his job. He started saying that why the f**k are me, my sister and mom (my mom has depression) so messed up. This got me feeling 1000000 times worse with myself. Now that he calmed down he appologized because he saw me crying like never before and trouble breathing due to his screams and swear words. Now he said he loved me and that he is sorry and he will always help me no matter what. However now I can't stop feeling guilty. I can't stop crying and I can't stop thinking that I am the worst daughter in the world. I would never ever hurt myself or anything, but now I started thinking that my parent's life would be better without me. I hate to see my family so worried about me, I hate to cause their suffering and most of all I hate that I have a great life but now this all started and I'm anxious/sad when I shoudn't. I hate not being able to have the money to pay for everything myself. This is all just a nightmare and I only pray it gets better. I don't want to affect my family anymore.
I’m sorry you feel bad. Dealing with family can be tough. But know that a parent’s job is to care for their children. You know that your dad loves you and wants the best for you. Have you explained how guilty you feel to him? Maybe it would help both of you to have a conversation after you both a calm. Please don’t get down on yourself. It will pass. Nothing is permanent. Especially these yucky feelings.
Thank you for your kind words. I really hope this all passes because it has been horrible. I talked to him now, it is better. ❤️
When people get worried they can get angry, it is because they are frightened. Dont feel guilty, anxiety is very difficult to deal with. But try to remember it is just THOUGHTS IN YOUR HEAD, not reality. When you let your thoughts dominate they cause bodily symptoms. Do not over-identify with them. Do whatever you can to distract yourself, especially exercise. Dont add guilt to your feelings. Go online and look at help lines. REMEMBER THE WORRY IS NOT REALITY. Banish them from your mind, xx